Funny things patients say ! - page 8

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of... Read More

  1. by   Sifty
    I am a male nurse and work into the community. One elderly lady I went to see the other day for health status monitoring looked at me after I had come inside and introduced myself and said "If only I was 70 years younger", I didn't know what to say to that one
  2. by   Aeterna
    Patient: Did you see Dr. Smith (name changed) today? He was hot!
    Me: *trying not to burst out laughing* But you saw him yesterday too, didn't you? Didn't you think he was "hot" then?
    Patient: But today he's wearing jeans!
    Me: *bursts out laughing, finally*
    Patient: What, you don't think so?
    Me: *still laughing* He's...uh...a little old for me (note: he's at least 30 or 40 years older than me)

    Funny thing was that her husband was sitting right next to her. I told him, "You have to watch your wife carefully!" and he replied, "Oh, I know!"
  3. by   NCRNMDM
    We had a very sick patient one night in the ED who we were getting ready to transfer up to ICU. He was being admitted for spinal meningitis, and septicemia, and we were trying to explain his condition and situation to his wife. The nurses told her that he was being admitted with spinal meningitis, and went on to describe what it was. Later, as we were getting ready to leave the ED, I overheard the man's wife on the phone with a relative. The conversation went something like this, "You've got to get here as fast as you can! It's bad! The nurses told me that he has the screaming mighty Jesus, and he is being sent to the intensive care unit!" Needless to say, I almost died laughing.
  4. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    This isn't from a patient, but from her 5 yr. old grandson. I was making a home-health visit to change the dressing of this womans large, open post-hysterectomy wound. As I was removing the previous VERY bloody packing, her grandson siddled up beside me, trying to put on a pair of gloves. She said, "Are you going to help the nurse?" He was wide-eyed with excitement when he said with great enthusiasm, "I WANT TO PUT MY HANDS IN THE BLOOD!" :grn:
  5. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    . Just thought of another one! I was doing private-duty with a 97 year old guy who loved to go out riding in the car. We would take particular interest in personalized license plates . I pointed out one that said, "4CSONS" and remarked that the lady driver must be from Hendersonville (NC) My patient replied, "Either that, or none of her boys are on the honor-roll." WOW! Talk about a sharp mind!
  6. by   Aeterna
    Also thought of another one! It wasn't more of what the patient said but rather what they did...

    I assisted one of my elderly patients to the bathroom so she could have a BM. I tell her that I'll let her sit for a while but as soon as she's done, to please pull the call bell (and I showed her where it was) so I could come and assist her back to bed. She agrees.

    I go and complete some other tasks that need doing (isn't there always?). After a while, I think to myself, 'She hasn't rung yet?!' I go and check on her and she's still sitting on the toilet.

    She goes, "Oh, I've been waiting and waiting for you! I'm done!"

    I ask, "Why didn't you pull the call bell when you were done? I would have been here sooner."

    She looks at me, confused. "I did. Like this, right?" She then takes the pull string and swings it so the little knob at the end hits the metal rail on the wall, making a DING! noise.

    I almost facepalmed.
  7. by   SolaireSolstice
    After this incident Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do. , the oncoming nurse and myself went down so I can show her where the IV line had "just come apart" (we knew he had done it on purpose) and she asked him "Why did you do that?" He answered "I guess I just wanted some excitement."
  8. by   Five&Two Will Do
    Last night we were changing bed on a confused patient that had pulled off the EUD. We stood him up and my coworker noticed a reddened area on his butt. She wanted to apply coloplast. As she was doing this he looks up at me and says, "Who the heck is back there playin with the crack of my @$$.
  9. by   rollerskatingrn
    A patient being discharged wife would not come inside to pick him up. She said she did not want her chocolate to melt in the car!
  10. by   JeneraterRN
    When I was training to be an RN, I was cleaning up a suprapubic cath site on a quadrapalegic w/spastic muscle paralysis. He had some arm and leg movement, so apparently I was tickling him during the process. When I asked him to hold still, he told me, "OK, I'll pretend to be a quadrapalegic." Open mouth, insert Italian shoe store.
  11. by   ForeverLearner2010
    I work as a CNA in a Geriatric Psych ward, and one night, my male nurse and I were trying to help a rather difficult patient to the bedside commode. Our patient was known to be combative at times, so we were on our guards. As we sat her down, she looked up scathingly at me and said, "you're the devil, girl!" Then, she looked equally scathingly towards my nurse and stated, "You're the devil, too! But you do have nice hair."
    We laughed for hours!!!
  12. by   Not_A_Hat_Person
    I worked in flu shot clinics last fall. Among other things, we had to ask patients if they were pregnant or nursing. I usually skipped that with male patients, but sometimes I didn't. One man answered "Yes, but don't tell my wife."
  13. by   SierraMoon
    Heard about this one in report:

    A pleasantly confused old lady kept asking the nurse to turn out the kitchen light and a couple of other things, she kept thinking she was at home. The nurse re-orients her, "Mrs. X, you're in the hospital". Patient points to her daughter at the bedside and says, "if I don't believe her, what makes you think I'll believe you?"

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