Funny things patients say ! - page 5

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of... Read More

  1. by   blitz
    Nah, I mean when my hubby picks me up from a long shift, the first thing I do is take off my clogs and plop me feets up on the dashboard! Not too many windshields have the "toe marks" that ours does! Hehehe...
  2. by   Fgr8Out
    I was caring for a young woman with a GI ailment. The treatment was NPO, NG and TPN for a few weeks. The physician came in one morning to announce that he was going to have her NG tube removed and, if she tolerated her diet and had no complications he would "DC" her the next day. Imagine my surprise (not to mention the other 3 patients in the ward) when the young woman excitedly phoned her mother to inform her that "if all goes well, I'll be 'decapitated' in the morning!" LOL, needless to say we all had a good chuckle that day, including the woman after she realized her faux pas.
  3. by   lilhelper
    In the ED, I walked an elderly patient to the bathroom. It was occupied, and in the two minutes we waited, the patient let loose and peed a river on the floor. She shook her head and said, "It happens every time." Wow.
  4. by   Trubie
    I work at a weight loss clinic that advises a very low carb diet....

    Had a patient who lost 5lbs her first week, but was very concerned that her stools were smaller. She thought her lost fat was represented by the size of her stools, and that if she was losing weight, her poop would be bigger. LOL
  5. by   infermierequebecoise
    I had this funny experience when I was in my pediatric clinical rotations in nursing school. We had to do two days at the YMCA to see the developmental differences between healthy kids and sick kids. Well we were assigned the four year olds, and OMG, what an awesome age. Our first day there, first hour, we go to the gymnasium, and some of the kids start playing tag. One of them slips on the floor, knocks her head on a toy, and just passes out...Me and my partner are terrified, the little girl quickly comes to, but we call her parents anyways to bring her to her MD for a checkup. As she leaves, I tell her to be careful, and no more wipe-outs from now on! So the next day, when she comes back, we go to the gym again, and as we're getting ready to leave, she comes up to me, yanks on my hand, and very proudly says 'See, no more wipe-outs!'
    On our second day with this bunch, we had to get in the pool. Me and my partner were in the changing room helping the girls get into their bathing suits, when this other little cutie comes up to me, gets me to lean over, and very loudly whispers 'I think your friend is too big for her bathingsuit, her mommy should get her a new one'. OMG!! Now, this was true, she was a bit chunky, and the bathingsuit was kinda too small. But the look on her face when she heard this girl say so...just...priceless..
    As we are about to leave, the first little girl who wiped-out comes up to me for a hug, and says 'Ill see you tomorrow!' I explain to her that we only had two days with them, and they would get new ppl the next week. She looks at me and very seriously says 'Oh, you'll be back!' So I laugh, think nothing of it, and leave. Well our last week of pediatric clinical, since I had already completed everything for the rotation, my teacher asked if I wanted to return to the YMCA, and I gladly accepted. Keep in mind about 6 weeks have gone by..As I walk into the room, this same little girl walks up to me and with the biggest smile says 'I told you you'd be back!' I thought Id pee myself, really...Those were just amazing kids, cracked me up!
  6. by   ixyl
    Sometimes I work back on the Alzheimer unit in the nursing home. One woman usually only mumbles incoherently when you try talking to her. One day the other aide asked her when her birthday was. Clear as a bell, she said "I don't have 'em anymore."

    Then I was trying to get one of the male residents to go to bed. We tried motioning him to the bed but that didn't seem to be working. I sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the space beside myself. He laughed and said "I'm too old for that."

    I was giving a woman a whirlpool bath and as I lowered her into the water, she screamed "I only wanted a face lift!"
  7. by   vablueyes
    When questioning a patient about previous illnesses, she said she had the "Smiling Mighty Jesus" when she was younger. It took four nurses to figure out she meant that she had had spinal meningitis.
  8. by   JSlice.
    A pt came in by ambulance after a bicycle accident caused by alcohol intoxication. I thought I was told that he was in a motorcycle accident. Upon arrival, the man was shouting, trying to pull off the c-collar, and free himself from the straps keeping him on the backboard. He was asking where he was over and over again. He was terribly confused. Finally, he asked me, "What happened to me?" I said, "You got in a motorcycle accident." Pt said, "I've never been on a motorcycle in my life!" I told him, "you might have forgotten, you're extremely drunk and you hit your head." The guy was even more confused than ever. A short while later he asked, "So where's my motorcycle?"
  9. by   ForeverLearner2010
    i am absolutely grinning like an idiot right now! these posts are hilarious!!!<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o>
    here's mine!<o></o>
    i was doing a round of clinicals at our local ltc, and got to interview a wonderful lady who was 103 years old, and completely with it. when my instructer asked our lady what her secret for long life was, she replied with a twinkle in her eye, "only have one man!" <o></o>
  10. by   NurseHotFlash
    During an admission assessment, I asked the patient how many alcohol drinks he has per day. He looked puzzled and said, "I don't know, I just drink til they are all gone."
  11. by   dankimal
    Had a 40 yo male admitted to the ED after having just been side swiped by a car going 60mph. The dude had a L wrist fx, L open tib-fib fx and of course several bumps and bruises, but otherwise looked pretty good for having just been hit by a car.

    Anyway, after we got him really stoned on morphine, I was asking him how he was feeling, doing an assessment when he with a thick morphine-drawl slurrs, "Oh man... I don't think I'm going to make it to church tomorrow... shoot... oh well... I guess they'll understand..."
  12. by   TaraCO2010
    I have two stories from nursing school...

    During our senior year our careplans required us to interview our patients. My classmate was assigned to care for a nun. When asking the nun about her health history, the nun replied that she had been diagnosed with immaculate conception a few years prior. Trying to stiffle her giggles and figure out what the nun could possibly have meant my classmate finally figured out that the nun meant to say macular degeneration

    During our senior year, I was taking care of a client who was scheduled to discharge the next day. I had new orders to DC his foley and gathered the necessary supplies. I went into the patients room and began to explain to him that I was going to remove his catheter. At this point he lost all of his color and became quite nervous. I asked him if he was feeling okay and he wanted to know if it would hurt. I explained to him that it might burn a little but that the discomfort wouldn't last long. He let out a deep breath and seemed to brace himself for the procedure. I gloved up and unwrapped the syringe so I could deflate the balloon. As soon as he saw the syringe he let out a HUGE sigh of relief. He then said, "Oh thank God you are going to deflate the balloon." It turns out that he worked in a funeral home and when he receives bodies that have foley's in place he just yanks them out inflated balloon and all. It never occurred to him to deflate the balloon so he thought that we would do the same for him. I have never seen a patient so relieved.
  13. by   misslady87
    I was taking care of a 100 year old man at the LTC facility I work at. One day he wheeled himself up to me while I was standing at my med cart and said, "By golly you are a cute little chicken!" Then he was sitting there for a few mins. talking to me and I was crushing up some meds in a pill crusher and he told me I better be careful with that cocaine I was crushing up LOL! The things they say, makes my day!