Actual Sentences Found In Patients Hospital Charts

Nurses Humor

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1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3.. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by DR. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

:roll :roll

I once found this on a chart: "pt tol procedure well with O2 sats remaining in the high 80's but he died anyway"

Becka

Originally posted by sunnygirl272

and i thought it was a new doctor!?!?!!?!:chuckle

:rotfl: :roll BWAAAHAHAHAHA!!! :roll :rotfl:

Da Winnnah!!! for the daily giggle prize goes toooooo....

da liddle lady wid da broken FIN-GAH!!!!

I once found this on a chart: "pt tol procedure well with O2 sats remaining in the high 80's but he died anyway"

Becka

Originally posted by Sleepyeyes

:rotfl: :roll BWAAAHAHAHAHA!!! :roll :rotfl:

Da Winnnah!!! for the daily giggle prize goes toooooo....

da liddle lady wid da broken FIN-GAH!!!!

thank you..thank you very much...i 'd like to start my thanking the academy....and of course my allnurses cohorts...and..ummm..oh yeah..real-life friends and family....

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

Geeze.............That's gotta hurt!!:eek:

Gave resident perrenial care.

"Mr. Broccoli.....I want you to know we're about to start your annual prunning"

Laughter IS the best medicine and I feel much healthier after reading these. Thanks and God Bless.

How about these?

1) " This patient is, quite simply, nuts" (from an attending, no less)

2) "patient in usual state of funk--plan: defunk patient" a medical student who, needless to say, is now pursuing other options:D

Our unit secretary transcribed on the patient's med sheet under the IV Diprivan order:

Start infusion at 1 mcg/kg/min and titrate to seduction.

My personal favorite, in reference to an elderly female pt: "I was about to commence with the rectal exam when the pt's daughter inofrmed me that the last fellow who attempted a rectal exam was kicked in the groin and hit with her purse. Pt's daughter remains emphatic that a rectal exam would not be in my best interest and I am in basic agreement with her."

Specializes in RETIRED Cath Lab/Cardiology/Radiology.

Patient admitted with "pre-infarted angina."

In a hurry one day @ end of shift I wanted to chart something about the pt's axilla but had a brain fart and couldn't remember the proper term for that body part . . . let's see, . . . I think it starts with an "a" . . . well, so I'll just write "Armpit." SOOOO PROFESSIONAL! (proud of that one . . . NOT!)

Specializes in RETIRED Cath Lab/Cardiology/Radiology.

The rad. techs I work with, when they see air in the bowel on the scout films for IVPs or BEs or etc, refer to it as "UBF (unborn fart)."

The rad. techs I work with, when they see air in the bowel on the scout films for IVPs or BEs or etc, refer to it as "UBF (unborn fart)."

Ha!!:chuckle

What's the average gestational age?:roll

Would eating cabbage and drinking beer be considered "prenatal care"?

:p

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