Nursing Admissions Paper

Published

Applicants to the College of Nursing are asked to provide the Faculty Admissions Committee with information that will enhance its ability to give each applicant fully informed, indiviualized, and holistic consideration. The Committee is specifically looking at: communication skills, motivation, and career goals, suitability for the profession, and your personal, ethical, and moral decisions making ability. In your essays, please include:

-intellectual interests and meaningful educatiion or healthcare awards;

-memberships, activites, and achievements

-knowledge of the profession and/or experience in healthcare (voluntering, shadowing, research, etc)

What will you as a student bring to our college community?

Can someone please read my paper and give me advice/feedback? I still am not finish and still have to rearrange sentences. However this is what I came up with so far. Let me know if I have answered what they are looking for. Sorry I know it is long but I want to make sure I have included everything they are asking for. Some parts I am just speaking out loud on what I am going to type but haven't finish yet.

I have been looking forward to the great opportunity to attend The University of Arizona's nursing program for a long time now because of the college mission statement that I know I will enrich. I feel I can bring a lot to the campus such as my unique talents/commitments, motivation, communication skills, outstanding moral decision making ability, leadership skills, and hobbies. Although I have always had these qualities, I was not always certain what to do with them, but I have always known that I admire and hold great respect for bringing my individual unique abilities to the community. For example, in my senior year of high school I was given the incredible opportunity, which I am so grateful for, to volunteer in the hospital as a file clerk and a front office assistant. As a front office assistant my duty was to strongly communicate efficiently to the doctors, nurses, and patients about any important information. I even won a healthcare award for the best communication staff on the hospital floor. With my exceptional communication skills I look forward to organizing Arizona's campus with a social enhancement club for students with disabilities who have never got the chance to express themselves openly. This club that I plan to start will truly make a difference in someone's life by educating, engaging, serving, and... My experience as a volunteer has truly helped to cement the notion of me becoming a nurse, and has taught me the significance of cultural competence, empathy, and communication. Best of all, through working beside my mom I have learned a lot about myself and the person I want to become. (Career goals) I have discovered that nursing is my true calling to graduate at The University of Arizona with a BSN. Once I graduate as an RN, work in the surgery room as a travel nurse in every state and overseas. I have found this career is well suited for me because I am a hard worker, ambitious person, love to interact with individuals, and proactive. (Motivation).This volunteer experience has helped me find a (suitability for the profession) where I can handle the challenge that comes my way. I find this a suitable profession because I can expand my ideas and always put my best foot forward for others who are less fortunate than I am. I really feel as though my passion and compassion for people is what I could also bring to the campus. I have found that I was faced with hard situations that required moral decisions and still had to provide the best care possible to the patients. My personal moral/ethical decision making ability traits are what make me stand out the most from the crowd. I have taken ethics class which most importantly helped me with making ethical decisions. My individual stable moral qualities such as empathy, honesty, fortitude, helpfulness, and good behavior habits (elaborate) are seen when I'm at best doing ......... With these aspects I could bring to The University of Arizona's college community... I am apart of Phi Theta Kappa membership which I am highly committed to contribute to making this world a batter place. The goal of this organization is to encourage scholastic achievements as well as personal growth and development. Being apart of Phi Theta Kappa has provided me with the tools necessary to unleash leadership skills. Every project or campus activity from HOSA feed the hungry to discovering new technology for scientist for a cure of a disease I would always be involved with helping. At The University of Arizona I know as a student I could bring resources that will enhance the future and personal success of my peers. I want to make a difference, whether it is by raising money for local charities, engaging in service activities on campus or in the community, or promoting fellowship among fellow Arizona students. I know as a student I will make an effort to not just better myself, but to better the lives of those around me, through the campus as well as the community. Through various participation in multiple activities I hope to open many doors academically by tutoring others if they having trouble in their courses,............. ( try to talk about leadership skills, and how you would be involved in campus activities, acheievements ). Last year, I was involved in a world wide convention achievement new ideas for a new recelying program that would benefit the college. ................... I would work tirelessly to earn the privilege to be at this college and I know I could bring a student filled with ideas, with the desire to let this mind expand. and ( going to talk about how my own unique sense of style can be different from the average person.) (going to include Intellectual interests). All of these qualities have shaped me into an amazing diverse individual and hope to contribute this to my peers, faculty, and to the college community.

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Hey! First of all I wish you the best of luck. I, too, am working on an admissions essay. My advice is to make this essay more concise. The admissions people are going to be reading a ton of essays, so you want to answer the questions in the prompt more briefly and straightforwardly. They are more likely to remember what exactly it is that you have to say that way.

Also, the idea of the club is great, but I don't think that it should be included because it is something that you have not yet actually done. I think you should focus on past accomplishments...

I think that instead of writing about many, many accomplishments, you should pick one or two and expand upon them instead. I think this will give you a more effective essay.

Anyways, I know that this is stressful as I am in the process of writing for my application, too, so don't be too hard on yourself! You have brainstormed and have plenty of good ideas to work with. Just remember, one thing that my school stressed was that nurses need to be able to follow directions so make sure you are directly writing about what the prompt is asking you instead of going off on a tangent!

If you re-post your revision ans thought my advice was useful, I will be glad to continue helping you! :)

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Thank you for your help!!! Your advice was just what I needed to hear. Admissions papers can be difficult especially since I feel as though I want to include everything.lol. However a good tip you mentioned was keep it straight to the point. Another thing is that you have to stay on track it is easy to drift off. What school are you writting for? Is it asking the same kinds of questions? How are you writting your paper? Good Luck with yours too!!

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If I talk about two of my accomplishments and expand upon them. Is there where I would include all the things they are asking?

1. intellectual interests and meaningful educatiion or healthcare awards;

-memberships, activites, and achievements

-knowledge of the profession and/or experience in healthcare (voluntering, shadowing, research, etc)

or do I talk about 2.communication skills, motivation, and career goals, suitability for the profession, and your personal, ethical, and moral decisions making ability?

I think I'm getting confused as to which one I need to include in my paper the one above or the second sentence? I know the prompt is asking what will you as a student bring to the college community. So do I need to stick to two accomplishment than with those two talk about what I could bring to the campus including the topics they said include in the paper?Should I take out career goals, suitability for the professions, moral/ethical decisions? I thought that's what they are looking for in the paper. So should I combine all these together into one?instead of separating them?

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Specializes in NICU, Trauma, Oncology.
Applicants to the College of Nursing are asked to provide the Faculty Admissions Committee with information that will enhance its ability to give each applicant fully informed, indiviualized, and holistic consideration. The Committee is specifically looking at: communication skills, motivation, and career goals, suitability for the profession, and your personal, ethical, and moral decisions making ability. In your essays, please include:

-intellectual interests and meaningful educatiion or healthcare awards;

-memberships, activites, and achievements

-knowledge of the profession and/or experience in healthcare (voluntering, shadowing, research, etc)

What will you as a student bring to our college community?

Can someone please read my paper and give me advice/feedback? I still am not finish and still have to rearrange sentences. However this is what I came up with so far. Let me know if I have answered what they are looking for. Sorry I know it is long but I want to make sure I have included everything they are asking for. Some parts I am just speaking out loud on what I am going to type but haven't finish yet.

I have been looking forward to the great opportunity to attend The University of Arizona's nursing program for a long time now because of the college mission statement that I know I will enrich. I feel I can bring a lot to the campus such as my unique talents/commitments, motivation, communication skills, outstanding moral decision making ability, leadership skills, and hobbies. Although I have always had these qualities, I was not always certain what to do with them, but I have always known that I admire and hold great respect for bringing my individual unique abilities to the community. For example, in my senior year of high school I was given the incredible opportunity, which I am so grateful for, to volunteer in the hospital as a file clerk and a front office assistant. As a front office assistant my duty was to strongly communicate efficiently to the doctors, nurses, and patients about any important information. I even won a healthcare award for the best communication staff on the hospital floor. With my exceptional communication skills I look forward to organizing Arizona's campus with a social enhancement club for students with disabilities who have never got the chance to express themselves openly. This club that I plan to start will truly make a difference in someone's life by educating, engaging, serving, and... My experience as a volunteer has truly helped to cement the notion of me becoming a nurse, and has taught me the significance of cultural competence, empathy, and communication. Best of all, through working beside my mom I have learned a lot about myself and the person I want to become. (Career goals) I have discovered that nursing is my true calling to graduate at The University of Arizona with a BSN. Once I graduate as an RN, work in the surgery room as a travel nurse in every state and overseas. I have found this career is well suited for me because I am a hard worker, ambitious person, love to interact with individuals, and proactive. (Motivation).This volunteer experience has helped me find a (suitability for the profession) where I can handle the challenge that comes my way. I find this a suitable profession because I can expand my ideas and always put my best foot forward for others who are less fortunate than I am. I really feel as though my passion and compassion for people is what I could also bring to the campus. I have found that I was faced with hard situations that required moral decisions and still had to provide the best care possible to the patients. My personal moral/ethical decision making ability traits are what make me stand out the most from the crowd. I have taken ethics class which most importantly helped me with making ethical decisions. My individual stable moral qualities such as empathy, honesty, fortitude, helpfulness, and good behavior habits (elaborate) are seen when I'm at best doing ......... With these aspects I could bring to The University of Arizona's college community... I am apart of Phi Theta Kappa membership which I am highly committed to contribute to making this world a batter place. The goal of this organization is to encourage scholastic achievements as well as personal growth and development. Being apart of Phi Theta Kappa has provided me with the tools necessary to unleash leadership skills. Every project or campus activity from HOSA feed the hungry to discovering new technology for scientist for a cure of a disease I would always be involved with helping. At The University of Arizona I know as a student I could bring resources that will enhance the future and personal success of my peers. I want to make a difference, whether it is by raising money for local charities, engaging in service activities on campus or in the community, or promoting fellowship among fellow Arizona students. I know as a student I will make an effort to not just better myself, but to better the lives of those around me, through the campus as well as the community. Through various participation in multiple activities I hope to open many doors academically by tutoring others if they having trouble in their courses,............. ( try to talk about leadership skills, and how you would be involved in campus activities, acheievements ). Last year, I was involved in a world wide convention achievement new ideas for a new recelying program that would benefit the college. ................... I would work tirelessly to earn the privilege to be at this college and I know I could bring a student filled with ideas, with the desire to let this mind expand. and ( going to talk about how my own unique sense of style can be different from the average person.) (going to include Intellectual interests). All of these qualities have shaped me into an amazing diverse individual and hope to contribute this to my peers, faculty, and to the college community.

A few thoughts

- try to avoid passive voice it's generally frowned upon. For example, instead of "have been looking forward to" use active voice and state "I am looking forward to..."

- avoid using unique, yet another thing that is frowned upon. Everybody thinks they are unique but in reality every applicant is essentially the same

- you are not "apart of phi theta kappa" you are "a part of phi theta kappa" however in this case I would probably choose to say "I am a member of phi theta kappa"

- rather than "The goal of this organization is to encourage scholastic achievements as well as personal growth and development. Being apart of Phi Theta Kappa has provided me with the tools necessary to unleash leadership skills" you might say... "Phi theta kappa encourages scholastic achievements as well as personal growth and development. As a member of PTK I have honed key leadership skills such as ..."

- "Every project or campus activity from HOSA feed the hungry to discovering new technology for scientist for a cure of a disease I would always be involved with helping." This sentence fragment needs help. "On campus at XYZ, I was actively involved with many philanthropic events including (blah blah blah)"

- "enrich. I feel I can bring a lot to the campus such as my unique talents/commitments, motivation, communication skills, outstanding moral decision making ability, leadership skills, and hobbies" you need to illustrate these things not just restate what they are looking for in the essay. What have you done that shows that you have these assets.

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Thank you sooo much keylimesqueez for breaking these sentences down for me!!BTW I love keylime pie.lol. :) . It's different when you are reading your paper than when someone else reads it. The tips you provided helped me to read over these sentences in depth more by elaborating as well. The last statement you made about what have I done that shows you have these asssets I have a question about. If I stick to talking about two of my past achievements should I give an example of what I have done with my moral decisions, etc? Or how should I go about doing that? For example when I talk about my Phi Theata Kappa memebership I'm talking about leadership, commitments, and communication skills. However instead of talking about them your saying I should give examples of what I have accomplish in doing these things?

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Specializes in NICU, Trauma, Oncology.
Thank you sooo much keylimesqueez for breaking these sentences down for me!!BTW I love keylime pie.lol. :) . It's different when you are reading your paper than when someone else reads it. The tips you provided helped me to read over these sentences in depth more by elaborating as well. The last statement you made about what have I done that shows you have these asssets I have a question about. If I stick to talking about two of my past achievements should I give an example of what I have done with my moral decisions, etc? Or how should I go about doing that? For example when I talk about my Phi Theata Kappa memebership I'm talking about leadership, commitments, and communication skills. However instead of talking about them your saying I should give examples of what I have accomplish in doing these things?

Yes, give examples of experiences that you have had that demonstrate your leadership, communication and moral decision making ability. For example "As a member of PTK I was in charge of organizing a group of students to put flyers up on campus for philanthropic events." A statement like this shows the reader that you can communicate, delegate duties and manage small groups. It's not always easy to think of how to apply your experiences and translate it into neat little boxes like leadership, communication, other skills. You don't necessarily need to say "I have leadership skills because blah blah blah" rather tell them what you have done that shows you have these skills. As far as moral decision making ability, I don't think you need to explicitly address that in the essay rather I think that is something that is made apparent by the fact that you were involved with PTK and being involved in their philanthropic events. So unless you have some major "I made an awesome moral decision" moment I wouldn't stress too much about that.

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I am writing an essay for the University of Alabama at Birmingham. It can be no longer than a page. The prompt is:

Do you know what nurses do?

Do you want to know what nurses do?

What is the single, most convincing factor that will get you accepted for the last seat?

You're welcome and thanks to you, too! Since there are 3 questions in my prompt, I am going to have three body paragraphs and maybe a short intro and conclusion to help me stay on track. For the first paragraph, I am going to start with an anecdote from my life that illustrates why I want to be a nurse. Then, I am going to talk about my volunteer experience to answer the next question. I can't decide what I want the "most convincing factor" for accepting me will be! That's a tough one! Maybe I will post what I have come up with later...

It is difficult because the pressure is on, but my school says the essay replaces the interview so I am trying to say things in the essay that I could say to their faces- make it not too boring or sappy, but not overly dramatic- LOL.

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I guess it really is a judgement call. Do you have a page/ word limit? However, here is some of the best advice I found.

https://allnurses.com/general-nursing-discussion/essay-help-very-139365.html

Read 1tulip's advice! It's really helpful!

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lol. Okay. GOT IT!! Thank you soo much keylime, your comments have helped me!!!!:)

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I agree iheartcats is difficult with writting to a commitee because you have to stay on track! and you feel as though you want to write a whole book of ideas to them. However your essay seems very simple since you only have three questions. You have a good plan so far for your paper! I feel completely blank at times with these admissions paper. Ummm that is a tough one because I'm sure everyone will say because I can bring many outstanding skills to your nuring program or something along that????

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Yes I do have a word limit which I am going back now deleting alot of sentences. Also changing things. This was just a rough draft with throwing all my ideas out there. I just needed the help like keylime provided to help steer my paper in the right direction.

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