The Nurse I Used to be.

Nurses Disabilities

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I am not sure if this is the right place to vent this, and this is certainly something I have trouble talking about. All my life I have had terrible anxiety, but while nursing I have usually been fine. I am in my first year nursing.

I nursed in Ottawa on a vascular SX unit, and it was stressfull and I loved it. I got married, and moved to Nova Scotia, worked mental health, hated it, then got a job on Vascular again. Somehow this is where the problem started. I shake everyday before shift, it can get so bad I cannot write my report sheet in the morning. Sometimes I break down into tears for no reason, I find myself hiding in the work bathroom to contain myself.

My doctor suggested that I take a month off, so I did. I was worried about losing my job, and letting my team down, but I couldnt function. Today I returned to work for the first time, and I had an easy assignment. But I still couldnt handle the stress of being here. I love working as a nurse, and I love vascular SX.

It just feels like I will never regain the nurse I know I can be, the nurse I used to be

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Oh, honey, do I ever feel your heartache and distress. :(

I've been a nurse for 17 years and have had to "retire" because I broke under the strain. I too have anxiety pretty badly, it's part of my mental illness (Bipolar 1) and it cost me an executive-level position a little over a year ago. Since then I've limped along, trying to work and doing very poorly at it, and finally I left clinical nursing on Dec. 31st of last year. I am now contemplating filing for disability.

I don't think you've reached the point of no return. There are plenty of things that can be done for even severe anxiety. I'm glad you're working with your doctor, and hope you are getting therapy. You didn't say if you were on any medication, so you may want to discuss meds with him/her if you haven't already. Something has got to break this cycle you're in, otherwise it may become a self-fulfilling prophecy and you end up leaving the profession. I would hate to see that happen to you.

There are also non-pharmaceutical interventions for anxiety: diet, exercise, massage, acupuncture, etc. I'm not good at the diet and exercise components, but one of the tricks my psychiatrist taught me is to set a timer and allow myself no more than 30 minutes to be anxious and worried. In the meantime I am to be doing something physical, even if it's just a stroll around my property or cleaning the bathroom. After 30 minutes, I tell myself to put it away and promise myself to take it up again tomorrow. Of course, by the time "tomorrow" arrives I've moved on to something else, and yesterday's anxiety doesn't loom as large.

I'm wishing you all the best. Believe me, you are NOT alone.....there is a lot of anxiety among nurses due to the high-stress nature of the job. We all have to find ways to cope with it, even nurses who don't have mental health issues. And some of us end up losing the battle and leaving the profession. You don't have to. Gentle (((hugs))) to you.

Please do not be in a position that you are right now. Move on, it's really ok. I too have Bipolar 1...severe depression with awful awful anxiety. I started within a clinic and as had that thought of others really look up to the nurses that are in critical care. So I went there, going through PALS,ACLS blah blah. Post op open heart pts/ bleeding out pts, all these drips, running codes. Anxiety every single day...leave. Your mental health isn't worth losing.

I yet again looking for another position. Sometimes I wish I wasn't a nurse at all.

I take Cipralex 20mg, Ativan 1mg TID PRN. I used to be heavily into Jiu-Jitsu and Boxing in Ottawa, but I live rural and there isnt anything like that around.

It is nice to know that I am not alone in this. My doctor wants to place me on other medication, but the significant weight gain, and risk of high blood glucose, and cardiovascular concerns that are associated with the weight gain, I am hesitant.

Also, my doctor tells me that I am bi-polar, I disagree but he has the training.

Ask if there are other others within that same drug class but not the side affects. Better yet go into a pharmacy and just ask questions.

I've been on different ones and then when diagnosed with bipolar it was all different meds then.

Lamictal 200mg a.m.

Effexor 250mg

Xanax prn

Trazadone 100mg just to sleep. I could stay up 24hrs just cause my mind wouldn't shut off. Work, did I do that, was that wrong. Could I've ran a code better or get the crash cart faster and they would've lived? Then family and on and on.

It might take starting over on meds to find what's right for you.

I don't know whether this would be viable, but I thought as a last ditch effort (Should other interventions not work) to stay in nursing: extended care nursing night shift, stable infant (or other) that you are mainly there to watch over/emergencies/maybe some meds. Or an adult for same reason, usually vent patient. Maybe you get a glider rocker to sit in. You spend much of the night watching your client sleep and watching monitors if there are any. Not to downgrade your skill set, just meant as a possibility to remain employed in nursing. And I have to agree with Viva's suggestion on physical activity. You should try a good daily exercise regimen. Very difficult to remain anxious when you've just walked it off. Hang in there.

How do you find extended care nursing positions?

Please don't think I'm all about meds

I do the treadmill when time allows

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
I take Cipralex 20mg, Ativan 1mg TID PRN. I used to be heavily into Jiu-Jitsu and Boxing in Ottawa, but I live rural and there isnt anything like that around.

It is nice to know that I am not alone in this. My doctor wants to place me on other medication, but the significant weight gain, and risk of high blood glucose, and cardiovascular concerns that are associated with the weight gain, I am hesitant.

Also, my doctor tells me that I am bi-polar, I disagree but he has the training.

You can always get a second opinion, particularly if the doctor who diagnosed you is not a psychologist or psychiatrist. However, you don't have to have super-extreme mood swings to have the disorder---most patients have depression and/or anxiety interspersed with mild hypomanic episodes where they just feel happier and more energetic than their baseline. Technically, all one needs to qualify for a diagnosis is ONE such episode in the course of a lifetime.

Most doctors don't hand out bipolar diagnoses casually. It's a big deal, what with the stigma attached and the seemingly endless med adjustments, and it changes everything. I was dx'd 2 1/2 years ago and it took me what felt like forever to accept it. And for a while, it did nothing but get worse---I started out with a not-otherwise-specified dx, and wound up with Bipolar 1 after a couple of severe manic episodes (which, not surprisingly, were triggered by work stress). Now I take a handful of meds twice daily, including two antipsychotics, but at last the disease is under control and my mood swings are within normal ranges most of the time.

Yes, in your place I would definitely get a second opinion, even if the doctor who gave you the BP dx is a specialist. There are a number of conditions that mimic and/or overlap BP, including borderline personality disorder and adult ADD. Even thyroid problems!

Good luck to you.

I got 2 different opinions and my doc is a psychiatrist . Mental health is such a hush hush thing, but no different of a diabetic needing insulin.

How do you find extended care nursing positions?

Please don't think I'm all about meds

I do the treadmill when time allows

You can sometimes find private duty extended care positions listed in craigslist and other job boards. Of course you need to take all necessary precautions.

Otherwise, the most common way to find an extended care case is to approach a home health agency and ask for extended care rather than intermittent visit work.

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
I got 2 different opinions and my doc is a psychiatrist . Mental health is such a hush hush thing, but no different of a diabetic needing insulin.

Actually, my reply was directed to considermebranded. :yes:

Specializes in ICU.

I didn't read all the comments, but I hope your doctor checked you for any medical cause. I would get extremely anxious at work, and it turned out I had Grave's. That has been treated, of course. I also take an anti-depressant that is also for generalized anxiety, and I never get nervous or anxious now. Good luck dear. Oh, might I add: my Grave's disease would exacerbate and remiss, which is unusual for a thyroid disorder; that made it harder to diagnose, simply because sometimes my levels would be normal. I finally went to an endocrinologist and was diagnosed and treated by him. If I had listened to my first doctor.......I would probably still have it.

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