The Nurse I Used to be.

[considermebranded]

I am not sure if this is the right place to vent this, and this is certainly something I have trouble talking about. All my life I have had terrible anxiety, but while nursing I have usually been fine. I am in my first year nursing.

I nursed in Ottawa on a vascular SX unit, and it was stressfull and I loved it. I got married, and moved to Nova Scotia, worked mental health, hated it, then got a job on Vascular again. Somehow this is where the problem started. I shake everyday before shift, it can get so bad I cannot write my report sheet in the morning. Sometimes I break down into tears for no reason, I find myself hiding in the work bathroom to contain myself.

My doctor suggested that I take a month off, so I did. I was worried about losing my job, and letting my team down, but I couldnt function. Today I returned to work for the first time, and I had an easy assignment. But I still couldnt handle the stress of being here. I love working as a nurse, and I love vascular SX.

It just feels like I will never regain the nurse I know I can be, the nurse I used to be

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

I don't know whether this would be viable, but I thought as a last ditch effort (Should other interventions not work) to stay in nursing: extended care nursing night shift, stable infant (or other) that you are mainly there to watch over/emergencies/maybe some meds. Or an adult for same reason, usually vent patient. Maybe you get a glider rocker to sit in. You spend much of the night watching your client sleep and watching monitors if there are any. Not to downgrade your skill set, just meant as a possibility to remain employed in nursing. And I have to agree with Viva's suggestion on physical activity. You should try a good daily exercise regimen. Very difficult to remain anxious when you've just walked it off. Hang in there.

This.

You can still be using your skills, less stress, while getting yourself healthy.

I have anxiety and depression due to PTSD; combined with a mood disorder trait; so I am on medications as a precaution; I am on an anti-typical antipsychotic and it has allowed me to handle high stress situations again; what woke me up was when I flamed out at a new job during my traumatic anniversary and "thought" I can be without medication; the trauma coupled with the "sink or swim" mentality was too much for me, even though I had great feedback initially.

I scaled back on the stressful settings and have worked myself back up to those type of situations and settings again; I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it. I can say I'm a whole lot healthier than I was a year ago.

Be gentle to yourself, and take care of your health FIRST-a healthy nurse is a better nurse.