can anyone relate? i don't know what i'm asking for here really, other than i guess confirmation that i'm not alone? and maybe advice on how other nurses with autism/aspergers cope and blend in?
i feel like no matter how hard i try to act like the "normal" extroverted empathetic professionals around me, i still come off as weird/awkward/uncaring sometimes. an example- i work with geriatrics/older adults and I talk to them like they're...well, adults! because I assume that's what they want. Who wants to be talked to in an infantilizing way like they're children? But then other nurses/therapists/aides talk to patients in this way and the patients rave about how "sweet" and "caring" they are. So clearly I'm missing the mark here.
another example- i'm very task-focused. my productivity is amazing, and i get compliments on my actual work (IV starts, etc) but i'm so focused on what i'm doing that i apparently come off as uninterested in the patient because I don't make a lot of small talk because that doesn't come naturally to me at all, so whenever I try, I feel like it sounds forced and awkward. But if I don't do it enough, then I apparently am not caring enough. "resting *****face" when i'm concentrating on something (like oh idk, actually doing my job) doesn't help.
i'm good at anticipating patient needs and offering tangible/practical assistance (i.e. always being on top of pain meds and call bells, offering to take patients to the toilet instead of waiting for the aide even if i'm busy, etc) because i can do things like that, but i'm not great with making conversation, or knowing what to say/how to react when patients are upset or talking about their problems- i do try to make all the right facial expressions and say the right things, and i guess it works at least some of the time because i have had patients be like "you're such a great listener" and whatnot, but other times i feel like everyone can tell i'm just copying other people and have no idea what i'm doing when it comes to the "bedside manner" aspect of this job.
it's really frustrating and exhausting to put so much energy into trying to be someone i'm not. especially when i still feel like in spite of all this effort i'm just weird and annoying.
