Nursing Hostility and Other Nonsense

[RegisteredNuisance]

In my short career as a nurse I've seen some terrible behavior among nurses, and I'd like to share my take on things.

I've only been a year for two years, and working as a nurse for 13 but in that short amount of time, I've seen an astounding amount of hostility between my coworkers and directed at me in the two facilities I worked at. It made me sad, it burned me out and it made me feel like I was working in a mine field.

As a fellow nurse, I respect you. We ALL had to work our tails off to get through the hell that was nursing school, study feverishly for the NCLEX exams, then scramble desperately for a job - hopefully in our chosen specialty or facility - after graduation. We have ALL earned our licenses and are all worthy of respect.

As a fellow human, I respect you. We all have feelings, different psychological and familial backgrounds and different emotional and interpersonal needs. We all share the same basic few reactions to negative situations. We all liked feeling liked, respected and valued by those around us.

In the face of conflict, it's easier to turn your back on someone, come up with reasons why you don't like them and find reasons justifying your ill treatment of them. It's easy to cling on to that anger. For some of us (myself included), that anger mobilizes us and is how we're most used to expressing ourselves. It's hard to resolve conflict in a mature, diplomatic fashion. But it's worth it. Our interactions with other people are more meaningful if we can move past anger, communicate our feelings without hurling insults and get back to working together.

So the night nurse gave you a poor report which you took the fall for later that day. She was probably tired from a long night and the missed information slipped her mind. One should always give the most complete report possible, but mistakes happen. Forgive her and make the best of it. So the day nurse left you with meds to finish and missed orders in the chart. She probably had a hectic day with never-ending distractions and demands made of her. FORGIVE her and make the best of it. So your coworker spoke to you sharply when you asked her a question. She was probably in the middle of thinking about something and you inadvertently interrupted that thought. FORGIVE HER and move on. Sensing a pattern here?

We get so wrapped up in little issues and small infractions with our coworkers that it completely clouds our ability to look at the bigger picture: your coworkers are your team members and you owe it to them to be respectful. You owe it to yourself to have them at your back when you need them.

So the next time another nurse is giving you the stink eye or says something rude or snaps at you... Forgive her, and try to resolve the issue after tempers have cooled. We owe it each other to respect each other. Nursing is hard enough.

[kabu]

I've worked in other professions and there is non worse than some large hospital atmospheres. Most employee do it for the benefits, but the high stress atmosphere brings out the worst in people, and it's only going to get worse. So have fun wanting to "Help the patient." Like it should be.

[sistasoul]

And then we have the nurses who like to write people up. I sometimes hear the same 1 or 2 nurses saying how they are going to write this one up or that one up. They even say this about the docs. This upsets me and makes me sad at the same time. No one is perfect and we all work hard to take care of the patients. I believe people like this are mean spirited and are on some type of a power trip. These people can also be dangerous to ones career if they decide they don't like you.

[ANnot4me]

I can only say here that the more men in nursing the better off the profession will be...

[GabbyT23]

This IS a generalization, BUT stereotypes exist for a reason. So, I'll sum up the problem in one word: women. I'm a gay male nurse and I rarely encounter drama and, more importantly, I won't put up with it. I'm IN THE MOMENT with my patients, but I don't take any of it home with me and, if you're organized and know how to prioritize (and no one just coded), you shouldn't be there more than 15 minutes past your scheduled shift time. It's a 24/7 biz. So, someone will be there to pick up where you left off. And for the individual who noted nurses looking for a resident to have a fling with/marry, the residents look for nurses too. Be well!

Could you imagine if nursing was a gay male dominated profession? Just thinking of the amount of cattiness I would be confronted with on a daily basis, is enough to make me cringe in horror. This is, of course, a generalization

I completely agree with poster who said the issue lies in the culture and work environment promoted by management. Can women be catty? Absolutely! With that being said, it is the job of management to take the few individuals who exhibit that behavior aside and handle the situation accordingly.

A statement like, "I can only say here that the more men in nursing the better off the profession will be...", is insensitive toward women and hardly accurate. Trust me, I know all about poor management and the issues it causes--concerning men and women alike!

[AWanderingMinstral]

Could you imagine if nursing was a gay male dominated profession? Just thinking of the amount of cattiness I would be confronted with on a daily basis, is enough to make me cringe in horror. This is, of course, a generalization

I completely agree with poster who said the issue lies in the culture and work environment promoted by management. Can women be catty? Absolutely! With that being said, it is the job of management to take the few individuals who exhibit that behavior aside and handle the situation accordingly.

A statement like, "I can only say here that the more men in nursing the better off the profession will be...", is insensitive toward women and hardly accurate. Trust me, I know all about poor management and the issues it causes--concerning men and women alike!

I can assure you that we'd have better uniforms...

[Not_A_Hat_Person, RN]

When I did tech support, I was one of 2 women in a department of 7 people. Men can be just as vindictive, manipulative, and petty as women.

[plumbtrician]

I worked in construction for 12 years before I went to nursing school. Construction can be extremely hostile, with scheduling conflicts, work performed out of order, yelling, rampant drug use on the job, shoving matches, competition between team members, back-stabbing, etc. From what I have observed in the hospital, it too can be an unkind place. I'm not trying to belittle or disparage anyones experience with bullying or hostility, but the hospital can be a picnic when compared to my previous career. True, I am still a student, and will probably get torn a new one on a regular basis as soon as I step foot into my first job, but stay strong my brothers and sisters. It's cheesy, but I love you and want you to be be best that you can be. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled in this career that I consider a privilege.

[automotiveRN67]

I loved reading all of the experiences that nurses related in this topic. After almost 20 years, and being a straight, married male, I have to say that women tend to be a little sensitive. As plumbtrician mentioned, construction probably has its share of drama, only with a much harder edge. A quote from one of my favorite movies:

Peter Gibbons: Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you're not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays?"

Lawrence: No. No, man. Sh%t, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.

Nursing hostility can be a little more passive. I once worked with a nurse who would push my charts on the floor if they crossed an "imaginary" line on her part of the desk. So I took tape and put a line. Wrote "my side", "your side"....got written up.

In a recent job, if I worked one day in a busy ICU without seeing a coworker burst into tears and run into the breakroom, I went home and told my wife.

But changes in hospital staffing are not helping. With larger hospitals using float pool to fill staff positions, deliberately understaffing, and shorting staff at the end of shifts rather than call someone else in, it is no wonder nurses are more frustrated than they used to be. There isn't any unit loyalty, or administrative loyalty anymore. And don't even get me started on the latest "quality measures".

Its nice to be near the end, rather than at the beginning, I guess.

[A1973]

The meanness, the back-stabbing, the rudeness-----its not just in nursing.

I was an early childhood education teacher before I left that field to go into nursing. Oh, do I have stories for you guys! You see, when you work around WOMEN, that's how it is. I have been victimized by these predator-like women when I was a teacher. They were back-biting, disrespectful, rude, catty and just plain mean. When I went to nursing school I was told by my nursing instructor that nurses eat their young. My nursing instructors also told me that they will not give me a reference for me to work in a hospital or nursing home. They must have sensed something in my personality because they said a doctor's office or clinic would be a good fit. I refuse to work in a hospital. I would rather do home care nursing where it's just me and the patient and the only people I answer to are the families. I am through trying to be liked and accepted by FEMALES in the workplace. That attitude I had is exactly why I suffered as a teacher-----trying to be liked-----but NO MORE.

I think most women in general are catty and cruel to each other. Not all but MOST of them in the workplace are like that. That's why when I get my nursing job, I will keep to myself. I am not, I refuse, to go out of my way to befriend any nurse or any other WOMAN in the workplace. Women fought hard to get good jobs and good pay and look at how they act. All they want to do is destroy each other. They rarely want to uplift each other. They rarely want to build each other up. They just want to hurt each other. They enjoy that. It is not just the nursing profession----it is any profession dominated by WOMEN. Ick! People may be offended by reading my blog. Too bad. I won't even tell you about the female bosses I had to deal with. Female bosses are worse than male bosses. Trust me. I am just going to say this: I will be nasty to anyone that is nasty to me. All the days of me being sweet to people who are nasty to me and hurting me are over, those days are gone. I am not going out of my way to befriend ANYONE. Especially if the person is a woman. I will keep to myself and try not to smile at anyone. It is what it is folks. I am just trying to survive in my new profession.

[automotiveRN67]

Dayum. Are you male or female? Someone needs a timeout :)

[calgirl44]

What did we get into nursing for? Most of us it was "to help people". There is the added benefits of science, love of the body, satisfaction in "fixing" and finally of working in a professional environment where every person is needed to contribute their expertise in order to obtain the best possible outcome for the patient. In the hospital setting we cannot advertise that we "Are compassionate, we care, we listen and we explain" if we do not do that with one another. This problem is becoming common place in hospitals today. We can complain, we can choose to ignore the hostility or we can try to come up with ideas that would actually lead toward a change. What about:

1. Making the public aware of this widely accepted behavior in hospital settings.

2. Going to our unions and include a professional code of conduct in our contract. (That would put the responsibility on the Human Resources department to do what they are experts in.)

3. Suggest to your hospital and Union that Charge Nurses receive management training, including professional and interpersonal communication.

4. Go to your local Nursing Schools and volunteer or encourage teaching on professional communication, working together effectively and how it effects the safety of the patient.

5. Do not participate in this behavior.

We can complain, we can be discouraged, we can leave the profession or we can come together to make a change.

[frhw]

It rubs off on the patients as well:

As a nursing student, I watched 2 ICU nurses, while changing a stroke patient's brief, turn her over, point at the BM, and say, "Oh look, it's a *co-workers name*", and then laugh hysterically. The worst part is that I know the patient could understand them, she just lost her ability to talk effectively during the stroke....

A fellow student watched two other ICU nurses put an NG tube in an unconscious pt who had tried to commit suicide. When the stomach content came up they said, "There's, that Heineken....wait no, he's too white trash for that....here comes that Bud."

My fellow nursing student and I discussed this with our instructor in front of the class, the consensus (including my instructor) was, "Oh well, your co-workers are the ones you lean on, and you have to have a sense of humor"....what??

I never have behaved that way...but I did get burned out so maybe they were right....NOT, ....it's still not right.