Accused of being racist - how to handle?

Nurses Relations

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In caring for an African American child this morning, her father accused me of being both "racist" and "uppity." Apparently, while I was tending to his child, he asked me repeatedly how to make a long-distance phone call with a calling card. I gave him the instructions as I know them, but apparently he was still unable to place this call. His child was de-satting at the time, and had blood coming from the incisions in her mouth and secretions pouring from her trach. His phone call was not at the top of my priority list.

So he asked me if "you have something against black people or something." I guess because I was tending to his child and not helping him place his important phone call, I'm now racist.

I'm having a hard time because a) I feel very insulted and b) I'm supposed to teach him how to care for his child so she can go home today. How receptive to me is he going to be if he thinks I'm racist? And I'm not sure about dealing with my own feelings after being accused of being racist.

I'm honestly not sure how he got that I'm racist just because I was occupied at the moment and couldn't help him place his phone call. In all honesty, I'm pretty pissed. Any suggestions on how to handle this?

Specializes in Med/Surg, Geriatrics.
What he saw was her taking care of his child. That is certainly racist. If she has a lick of sense, she will refuse this child as a patient ever again. Next time, he might "see" her abusing the child.

Actually, we don't know what he saw; we only have one side of the story. And we certainly don't know what drove him to draw the conclusion he did even if it was erroneous. Making assumptions about his motivations is just as bad as his assumption that the OP was racist. You shouldn't go there.

The OP has already handled this situation in a satisfactory and professional manner. I think that's the long and short of it.

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where's the documentation that state african american's are parnoid regarding the establishment of health care?

i wouldn't jump to the conclusion that this guy was being manipulative or playing the "race card." perhaps he was dealing with his own anxieties. his newborn baby was in the arms of a stranger and many african-americans are very paranoid about the health care establishment. and when you look at the history and the statistics, it's easy to see why they may feel that way. always give people the benefit of the doubt and address their concerns honestly. i don't know how many times i've found out i was wrong in my initial assessment of a situation. and, frankly, i'd rather be suckered than to dismiss someone with genuine concerns.

i would straight up tell this guy that you heard what he was saying the other day and you'd like to explore why he felt you were being racist because you really want to give quality care to people of all races. being open to hearing him as opposed to defensive should change the dynamic, whether he is being manipulative or not. if he has something useful to tell you, you might learn from it. if he doesn't you might try to explore his feelings further to find out where he's coming from. then you could ask him if he feels he can work with you or should you get another nurse.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
Nice thoughts, but not realistic. Many people do not realize that being unjustly called a racist feels like being accused of rape, child abuse, or other crime. If you don't like the care I give, complain about the care. But don't drive a stake through my heart with the 'R' word.

While I may not take it as strongly as that I do get highly upset when I'm called a racist. I mean burning red hot mad. It happened last week when I kicked a visitor out of our nurses station....very politely "this is a private area, and we exchange confidential information and you need to leave". I wanted to scream "you don't know jack about me and if you did you'd be ashamed of yourself!" after saying I only kicked him out because I don't like black people.

However, I didn't make an issue of it and let it go, which is my advice to the op. Some battles are worth fighting, for example if he made a formal complaint. But comments made in frustration roll off of me.

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this post is extremely offensive.

it used to bother me. it happens a lot in triage, for one.

i always bring it back to fact in one short sentence, so we both know it's the end of that discussion. nothing further needed and no more will be entertained. works when anyone decides we're "not fair." b/c really, there's no arguing with people so we might as well discuss what's really appropriate. i've had to tell a few people that i won't be discussing anything besides their care from that point forward.

"my priority is to assist your child at this moment."

"i need to see the most acute patient first."

"i was tied up with a complex patient but i will help you shortly."

"i'm sorry, that person got a chair in the hall b/c they aren't vomiting like you. you would prefer a bed, correct?"

"no, it's not b/c you're black. it's because you're drunk, sedated from your own drugs and so lethargic from that concussion that you don't need any more pain medication. you need a ct scan."

i also really enjoy getting called racist or told that i don't give good care to minorities or the poor. b/c a) i'm asian and b) i grew up dirt poor with intermittent housing and basic needs. it always makes me smile to myself. "you don't know what it's like to have nothing!" i'm sorry, did you come here secured in the bottom of a boat, too? ;)

although, i'm always sympathetic unless people are ridiculous. even then i can get by with some coffee in me.

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Specializes in Junior Year of BSN.
where's the documentation that state african american's are parnoid regarding the establishment of health care?

not defending the paranoia and health care but here is some articles you can read up on. just recently saw on 60 minutes about the lack of trust that african americans have with health care institutions and the care they receive.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/08/17/ar2005081701437.html

http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2004/08/05/disparities_found_in_health_care_for_blacks/

http://abcnews.go.com/health/story?id=2602636

http://www.cancerpage.com/news/article.asp?id=9649

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Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.
Wow thats new...so every family member who visits the hospital immediately should have a psych consult? Hmmm...:uhoh3:

Actually, they would need to test the staff, too.

Just look on this BB - we have regular posting on people that wish to take legal recourse on:

- not getting into nursing school

- not getting the job that they want

- he said, she said situations at work

- retrogression/immigration issues

- change of grading

- GroupOne/PBDS

- bad reviews

- this said that that person did - hearsay situations, with little to no evidence.

Even though in most cases it would hurt their future, rather than help in the long term due to a reputation of being a litigous individual.

It would be nice if everyone would take a "chill" on the "I'm entitled to X and if I don't get it, it is because you are racist/religionist/sexist/sexuality biased/etc."

That said, I would not care for this client - it's not worth the headache. After the father declines the fourth or fifth HCW for various issues (there will usually be other issues) , management will have to handle the issues that the father has.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

Cherish, the truth of the matter is studies have shown racism in health care, and one can hardly blame minorities for being extra sensitive and slighted.

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Specializes in Junior Year of BSN.
Cherish, the truth of the matter is studies have shown racism in health care, and one can hardly blame minorities for being extra sensitive and slighted.

Im not blaming anyone. I am black. Just providing documentation since I am Julia wanted factual support.

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Wow thats new...so every family member who visits the hospital immediately should have a psych consult? Hmmm...:uhoh3:

No. But all patients could benefit from the therapuetic communications skills that are commonly used in the psychiatric setting.

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A quick update:

This is not a newborn baby. This is a 10 year old with a long, complicated medical history. She was removed from her parents care at one point, but has since been returned.

I don't know what "subtle, non-verbal" racist cues the dad could have been picking up on, because I treated him and his daughter the same way I treat all my patients. I'm very sorry, but his phone call is not as important to me as his daughter with O2sats in the 70s.

I'm a little disgusted by the remarks a few people have made about how he probably didn't really think I'm racist, but was just trying to push my buttons. That's total manipulation, and the remarks made to that effect seem to be condoning - or at least tolerating - that type of behavior. Why in the world would someone claim something as serious and devestating as racism simply to "push buttons"? I think that's sick, sick behavior.

I talked to my charge nurse and my supervisor. I have done nothing but basic care; my charge nurse has done all the teaching required. I will not have this assignment again tomorrow, thankfully.

The patient's mom is here now, and she doesn't seem to have any problem with me. I tend to think that the dad was angry that I wouldn't drop everything and tend to *his* problem. unfortunately, it's not my job to be a secretary and tend to people's phone calls and phone issues.

I'm a good nurse, and I've taken good care of his daughter today.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
Im not blaming anyone. I am black. Just providing documentation since I am Julia wanted factual support.

:) I didn't mean to make it sound like you were blaming anyone. I was just saying in addition to what you were backing up, there's other studies to prove racism in health care exists. Not just to you but to the readers. There's two sides to the coin. People are quick to anger and shoot down someone when someone cries any kind of 'ism", but sometimes it's understandable where it's coming from. But as I said, I do get hopping made when it's thrown my way, which thankfully if very rare.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

I'm a good nurse, and I've taken good care of his daughter today.

Without a doubt, and you handled it well. :)

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