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Not a "bubbly" nurse

Posted
by lizet4455RN lizet4455RN (New) New Nurse

As you can see from the title, I'm not a bubble nurse. I didn't think I needed to be. I know I'm friendly, I am easy to talk to. I try and make conversation with my patients and staff. But I also know I have a resting B face, I don't have a "happy" voice, I have been told I look intimidating. Well the issue is I have had I brought to my attention that it seems I'm "stuck up" or better than. I honestly don't have those feelings in me. I tried to change the way I am perceived but it comes across as fake. I'm tired of people thinking I just want to be left alone. I've been told I look angry, upset, annoyed. Literally that's just my face. I can feel perfectly happy but I look miserable. 

Hmm.

This is always an interesting subject because of the possibility that the allegedly stuck-up/mean/intimidating one does need to work on interpersonal skills vs. the possibility that...eh, these accusations often enough come from people with little confidence and are basically their way subconscious way of gaining some control.

You just have to examine yourself. You say that you don't have the feelings that are being ascribed to you--make sure that is genuine and the truth. Make sure you actually aren't giving off some vibes of how you really (secretly) feel.

Other than that, these people who are so free to comment upon everyone else's looks and motives need to deal with their own problems and their own lack of confidence that has them trying to pull others down rather than step up their own game. If you have examined yourself, made some changes where appropriate, and feel sure that these accusations are not true, then I would not entertain commentary from these people. I just wouldn't listen to it and wouldn't spend time worrying about it. Let them go analyze someone else.

I say these things as someone who has made some internal and external changes based on others' comments, and also as someone who has seen the toxic nature of people who are constantly flailing around making excuses and blaming others for their own poor self-perception.

Good luck -

Edited by JKL33

Nurse Beth, MSN

Specializes in Med Surg, Tele, ICU, Ortho. Has 30 years experience.

 When there's a disconnect between how we feel and how others perceive us, it's really an opportunity.

You definitely should not be fake, but you can grow by pushing yourself into an initially uncomfortable zone. A couple small changes can help you achieve the congruency you want.

So when I was a teenager, I got the same feedback. It was hurtful and confusing because it didn't align with how I felt inside. I kept thinking about it, and realized a couple of things.

  • I was very near sighted, and wouldn't wear my glasses. I think I inadvertently ignored people from across the street or down the hall because I didn't recognize them.
  • I was also shy and insecure. I learned to take the initiative, greet people, smile, and by so doing, I learned to connect more effectively with others.

When greeting someone, make eye contact, project warmth, and smile. Show interest. Actually, be interested and it will translate.

You might like reading Confessions of a Nurse Introvert   by guess who? 🙂

 

 

Kitiger, RN

Specializes in Private Duty Pediatrics. Has 42 years experience.

1 hour ago, Nurse Beth said:

I was very near sighted, and wouldn't wear my glasses. I think I inadvertently ignored people from across the street or down the hall because I didn't recognize them.

I, too, have been accused of ignoring people when I didn't recognize them, or when I didn't realize that they were talking to me. My vision - with the glasses that I always wear - is good enough close by, but not so good down the hall. And my hearing isn't so hot either (even with hearing aides). I've had to learn to deal with this, to realize that it's OK that I can't do these things. 

If someone said I seemed "stuck up", I would ask for specific examples. If they couldn't give specific examples, then, as JKL33 said,  I would not entertain commentary from these people.