Night shift and daycare- ahh!

Tomorrow · Feb 19, 2010

Do you have an employee assistance program where you work? They might be able to help you. Best off luck.

allthaticanbe · Feb 19, 2010

It would be great if you could find a student or a single person who is willing to take care of the kids at night but make sure you go through the right channels and set up a lot of boundaries. I would hate for someone to take advantage of the situation.

pennyaline · Feb 19, 2010

What I'm about to say will sound cold, but bear in mind that it's coming from someone who has already been this route and had to make the tough decisions: What did you think was going to happen?

When shift rotation or shift change during orientation is standard, they tell you about it during interview. I know that they discussed this with you before you took the job. You had two small children, were a new mom, and had no family anywhere nearby. You took the job anyway. So, you're becoming stressed out about it NOW?

This was an issue you should have settled before accepting the job. Instead, it sounds as though you haven't put any thought into it at all. And now, to satisfy your ambition to have a vanity job in "a wonderful teaching institution that receives the sickest patients in the state and many from across the country," you'll need to do continual backflips and hoop jumps to insure that your kids are safely taken care of for the almost 24 hours a day that you won't be available. Hmmmm... the solution sounds straight forward to me. I'm telling you from experience to put your pride away. You have two little kids, and once you have that not much else matters. Your obligation is to your children and not to the sickest patients in the state, the country or the world. Pack the kids off to twenty four hour daycare if you absolutely cannot bear to give up this new position, but remember that kind of sacrifice for a job almost never pays off in the end -- and if you think you're stressed out now, do the daycare song and dance for a while! Find a job with better hours, or move closer to family IF they are willing to help you out with child care (don't just assume that they will be).

kcochrane · Feb 19, 2010

tight spot! well, i have heard of overnight nurses having a neighbor high school or college girl sleep on the couch overnight, and pay her to just come over in her PJs and fall alseep.
You can look on www.care.com....I have a profile there and I am a nursing student. I would definitely be down to spend the night, study, and get paid for it! You can search in your city, check it out!
Maybe one of your nursing colleagues has a teenage daughter that needs a little extra cash?
Or you can rent out an extra room to a female renter, and do some time of rent reduction for the nights you are working?
Good Luck! You are lucky to have children and a job! I can't wait for both :)

That's what the RN I worked with did when she was on night shift and had young kids. She put up an ad at the local colleges and had them spend the night. She would then come home and drive them to daycare for a few hours to get some sleep. You could also try the high schools. When I was a JR/SR I slept over at a couple's house that had a 1 year old. They were both nurses.

I have to agree to that is probably is a better idea to find a job more suited to your life at this point. I think its going to be really hard for you to concentrate on your job if you are worried about your kids. Many places do still hire for day only. I know its hard, but I had to wait until I was 42 to got back to school to be a nurse. I had to wait until they were old enough - even with a supportive husband.

MissKitty21 · Feb 20, 2010

When shift rotation or shift change during orientation is standard, they tell you about it during interview. I know that they discussed this with you before you took the job. You had two small children, were a new mom, and had no family anywhere nearby. You took the job anyway. So, you're becoming stressed out about it NOW?
.

Yes, it was discussed in the interview, but at the time I was with my husband. I expected that he would be there for me to tuck the kids in bed when I went to work. However, as I said, I am a VERY new single mom and this is no longer the case as he has decided to leave.

I am hesitant to quit and move back home for numerous reasons.

1) I am a new graduate and it appears as though there is an abundance of new grads having difficulty finding jobs. This is why I feel lucky to be in a teaching institute that is open to new grads.

2) Back home, I have only my parents and my ex's family. My mom is currently undergoing chemo and I don't want to bring my stress to her door. Additionally, I don't want to impose on his family either.

I really shouldn't have to explain myself.

I was seeking advice and support. If you don't have either, then don't waste time responding.

chaxanmom · Feb 20, 2010

I found many many leads on SitterCity.com. I'm not a single mother but my husband works 2 1/2 hours away during the week and I do rotating shifts too so I'm essentially going into this as if I were a single mom. My kids are older (8 and almost 12) so I'm more comfortable leaving them with a nanny overnight. I would post an ad and interview several. See what kind of feeling you get from them. I completely understand you not wanting to give up your job to move back home. See what you can do to make it work and if not then home might be an option. If you don't mind my asking, where is their dad? Is he close enough geographically that he can help watch them rather then using a nanny? Just make sure you get childcare worked into the divorce agreement. My cousin did that and her ex paid for 80% of her childcare.

kcochrane · Feb 20, 2010

I agree in this economy it is better not to just up and quit. But I would pursue this from both aspects. Look for good night care and maybe explore another job that doesn't require many nights. Hopefully one of them will pan out for you.

You might talk to some of the night shift nurses to see what they do. Maybe ask mothers of your children's friends if they would watch them at thier house? Elderly/retired women in the neighborhood might want to make some money. That's all I can come up with.

Unfortunately everyone I know uses family/husbands. One coworker uses her ex husbands mother.

pennyaline · Feb 20, 2010

Yes, it was discussed in the interview, but at the time I was with my husband. I expected that he would be there for me to tuck the kids in bed when I went to work. However, as I said, I am a VERY new single mom and this is no longer the case as he has decided to leave.
I am hesitant to quit and move back home for numerous reasons.
1) I am a new graduate and it appears as though there is an abundance of new grads having difficulty finding jobs. This is why I feel lucky to be in a teaching institute that is open to new grads.
2) Back home, I have only my parents and my ex's family. My mom is currently undergoing chemo and I don't want to bring my stress to her door. Additionally, I don't want to impose on his family either.
I really shouldn't have to explain myself.
I was seeking advice and support. If you don't have either, then don't waste time responding.

Conversely, if you don't really want advice, don't waste time asking for it.

Your defensiveness is unflattering. You asked for advice, dear, and that's what I gave you. AND I told you that I was speaking from experience and have had to make hard choices, by which you should have known that you didn't have to explain your situation.

You are hardly the first mother of little children who admitted to herself too late that her husband is a louse. I feel bad for you, but I also know that lousiness doesn't just appear out of nowhere (I noticed that you already call him your "ex"). You assumed that he was going to be there despite what you already knew about him, but you were wrong. He's not there, and you have to change your plans. So, change them. Yes it's hard to find jobs. It's hard for brand new single mothers, hard for new grads, and hard for older nurses with tons of experience and knowledge who have found themselves flushed down the toilet by their employers. We all have to roll with it and do what has to be done. I understand that you are hesitant to move back home, but you have children to take care of. Stop the "poor me" routine, ask your family and HIS family for help -- why don't you want to "impose" on his parents, anyway? --, change jobs if you have to, and move along.

chaxanmom · Feb 20, 2010

Conversely, if you don't really want advice, don't waste time asking for it.
Your defensiveness is unflattering. You asked for advice, dear, and that's what I gave you. AND I told you that I was speaking from experience and have had to make hard choices, by which you should have known that you didn't have to explain your situation.
You are hardly the first mother of little children who admitted to herself too late that her husband is a louse. I feel bad for you, but I also know that lousiness doesn't just appear out of nowhere (I noticed that you already call him your "ex"). You assumed that he was going to be there despite what you already knew about him, but you were wrong. He's not there, and you have to change your plans. So, change them. Yes it's hard to find jobs. It's hard for brand new single mothers, hard for new grads, and hard for older nurses with tons of experience and knowledge who have found themselves flushed down the toilet by their employers. We all have to roll with it and do what has to be done. I understand that you are hesitant to move back home, but you have children to take care of. Stop the "poor me" routine, ask your family and HIS family for help -- why don't you want to "impose" on his parents, anyway? --, change jobs if you have to, and move along.

She's actually being very accepting of advice and was only "defensive" of your judgmental post. Telling her what she should have thought of before isn't helpful. And in this economy it's simply not that easy to "just change jobs". Particularly now with 2 small children to support.

pennyaline · Feb 20, 2010

She's actually being very accepting of advice and was only "defensive" of your judgmental post. Telling her what she should have thought of before isn't helpful. And in this economy it's simply not that easy to "just change jobs". Particularly now with 2 small children to support.

I acknowledged that.

And I know fully well that she saw what her future might be, but she chose to deny marital problems and took a path that was unrealistic (as most do, it's not meant to criticize her in terms of her character). Now it is up to her and her alone to do what must be done.

rn/writer, RN · Feb 20, 2010

What one person calls "choosing to ignore marital problems," another might see as trying till the bitter end to make things work. That's what one does when small children are involved.

Whether the OP was unrealistic or optimistic or just simply had the rug pulled out from under her doesn't really matter now. It's time to put aside personal judgments and help her figure out what to do next.

Please, stick with the original topic.

Thank you.

chaxanmom · Feb 20, 2010

I acknowledged that.
And I know fully well that she saw what her future might be, but she chose to deny marital problems and took a path that was unrealistic (as most do, it's not meant to criticize her in terms of her character). Now it is up to her and her alone to do what must be done.

The OP didn't share a single detail about her marital breakup so it's safe to say you don't have a CLUE what you are talking about here. No one asked your opinion about her choices/circumstances. If you don't have something that is helpful to her in the situation *as it is* then hush.

Now, do you have a helpful suggestion as to how she can find a night time provider to watch her kids while she is working at the job she has already accepted with the situation as she described it? If not then thanks anyway but there are others here to help her.