Newly single mom....will nursing still work for me?

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Dec 17, 2012

I am so sorry you are experiencing such turmoil in your life right now.

As you know, nursing school is very intense and unforgiving. You will need to iron out child care arrangements - complete with 'plan B' and 'plan C' so that you can meet all of the school's requirements. There is very little possibility for new grads to get a job that does not require night or "off shift" work. So, if your primary goal is to 'be present' and provide additional security to your children during this difficult transition time, I would strongly advise you to see if you can take a leave of absence from school for a while. By then, your co-parenting arrangements will undoubtedly be well established so that your kids will feel more secure.

kbishoprn · Dec 18, 2012

I'm sorry for the difficulties you are having. I to went thru a divorce while in nursing school, but my children were already in school. I had a ton of help and support from my parents. It was very difficult but so worth it. I am now able to support my children on my own with out having to worry about whether or not I'm going to get child support this month. That is a great feeling. There are positions that will allow you to work what you feel you need and shifts you need. Mostly prn though. I'm a private duty nurse and i am not able to work nights for the same reason you are facing. I do my weekends when the kids are with their dad so I'm not missing out there. There are ways to do it. But it takes a lot of help from others and persistence on your part.

Good luck!

nahla1204 · Dec 18, 2012

I'm sorry for the difficulties you are having. I to went thru a divorce while in nursing school, but my children were already in school. I had a ton of help and support from my parents. It was very difficult but so worth it. I am now able to support my children on my own with out having to worry about whether or not I'm going to get child support this month. That is a great feeling. There are positions that will allow you to work what you feel you need and shifts you need. Mostly prn though. I'm a private duty nurse and i am not able to work nights for the same reason you are facing. I do my weekends when the kids are with their dad so I'm not missing out there. There are ways to do it. But it takes a lot of help from others and persistence on your part.
Good luck!

Thank you! As long as there is flexibility I'm good. I do have help. Their dad is very involved so its more worrying about not seeing the kids much that is on my mind.

PRICHARILLAisMISSED · Dec 18, 2012

Hi nahla1204.

I wanted you to know that I hope everything works out for you, no matter what you choose. I know this change must be hard for you, and no parent wants to be deprived of time with their children-especially if they are used to spending much time with them.

That said, this is what the aftermath of divorce is. It sucks I'm sure, but you have to face the fact that regardless of what career choice you make, you are very likely to lose some time with your children regardless. Many women who go through a divorce have to do it alone, but in your case you are lucky enough to have an ex husband that wants to be there and take care of the children while you better yourself (despite the reasons behind the divorce).

You also say that nursing is the only option available to you that will allow you to provide a house and lifestyle for you and your 3 children. It seems to me that your children and yourself will be best served by you toughing out your nursing degree and overcoming the included obstacles as they come.

Also, not to be the downer of the post, but even if you will lose more time during the process of obtaining your degree than you would if you just got a lower paying job, the question is how big will that time difference be because again, you are going to lose time anyway? Lets say you spend a total of 10 hours a day at class/labs and studying vs 8 hours a day at work in a lower paying job. You really are only losing 2 hours a day by going the Nursing route. I understand that it is still 2 hours, but sometimes sacrifices have to be made today for you and your family to live a better life tomorrow. And despite what you may think, you WILL still get to see your babies :) You may even have to work overtime in the lower paying job to make ends meet, which will actually cause you to lose time with the kids anyway.

Please consider this while you decide what you will do. And again, I wish you the best.

sjbrk · Dec 19, 2012

I'm sorry you are going through this. I understand wanting to be near the littles at this time - but I think you have got to look more at the grand scheme of things. They need a mom who will be able to pay for a place to live, food to eat, utilities, school events, etc, on one income. Taking time now to take care of them later is worth the couple hours a day you won't be with them. I think, if at all possible, you should stay in your program. As far as flexibility after graduation, you may have to look into jobs besides hospital jobs if they can't give you the time you need with the kids. Or, hopefully by then, you and your ex will have a stable routine where he keeps them for x amt of days and every other weekend, and the days they are with him you work.

Best of luck to you.

nahla1204 · Dec 19, 2012

I think I couple of you misunderstood me. I am already a nursing student, in my second year. My ex and I have things worked out as of right now but that is all going to change once the kids go to school full time in September, because he will lose all of his daytime visits and only have every other weekend, which is not fair to him. Of course that means I have to decrease my time with them as well, which is devastating to me because I see them every single day with the exception of every other weekend. They live with me, and that is how I think it should be. My issue is AFTER I graduate. I am wondering what the flexibility is with positions and if there are better routes to go to get the hours I want. I will not be an absentee mother just to support my kids. Great to have clothes on their backs and a roof over their head, but if they never see their mother what is the point? They will be miserable and so will I. Also, I did not ask for opinions as far as things like what I should or should not expect as far as time with my children, but thank you.

I have spoken to some of my friends who are nurses and they have assured me that I could work per diem or in a doctor's office. That would probably work for me because I always have every other weekend to work extra at another job and not sacrifice time with my kids. If anyone has any other advice about positions I could prepare to look into that offer flexibility, I am all for it. Thank you.

watersamy · Dec 19, 2012

I once worked with a nurse who had 5 children, all under the age of 12. She worked 2 - 16 hour shifts on the weekend only so that she could be home with her kids during the week. Working in a hospital per-diem is also an option so that you can pick up hours when you have someone to watch the kids. You can do it!

NutmeggeRN, BSN · Dec 19, 2012

You can do what ever you mind to do....just keep focus on learning as much as you can and moving forward. I'm sorry this is such a difficult time for you...

Guest343211 · Dec 19, 2012

Thank you! As long as there is flexibility I'm good. I do have help. Their dad is very involved so its more worrying about not seeing the kids much that is on my mind.

The flexibility isn't what it once was, b/c nursing positions are not available as they once were. You have to face the fact that if you do get a position, it may well be nights--or days with night rotation. You have to be prepared for this and for working holidays and weekends.

My question to anyone pursuing nursing is why nursing? Have you spent time shadowing? Do you truly know what it is about? I don't say this to sound harsh. I say this b/c nursing already has a problem with people going into it b/c it pays better than the Walmart or local convenience story--and they need to provide for a family.

Make sure you look at all career opitions based on your individual talents, skills, and how your own mind works. Many people don't explore who they are and what they really would enjoy doing. There are plenty of other fields. Just make sure you don't choose nursing b/c it's faster to a decent salary than other fields. You will likely not be happy.

I say this b/c I have worked with a great number of women that honestly went into nursing knowing a divorce was forthcoming, during a divorce, or after a divorce. They chose nursing b/c sadly, two year programs make it a relatively short path to a better income. This is tragic in my view, and it's another reason why baseline education for nurses must be set at bachelor's. Even then, now you have people from other fields with four year degrees that go through a year or 18 month program to become nurses. This is also a shame IMHO.

I would like to see people going into the field out of a sense of a true commitment to the field and would view it as an aspiring profession. And I am not saying that you are not. If you are, God bless you and carry on. But do make sure you get some sense of what the field is about.

Ideally nursing has many different areas; but today, many of those choices are walled off in this current economy.

I suggest you explore your own particular strengths, weakness, likes, dislikes, talents, etc. What really gets you charged up and why? Do you have a clear view of what any particular areas really entail? Have you considered education or teaching? Counseling? Engineering? Culinary School? Software programing? Information systems management? Finance?

Do yourself a huge favor and explore all options. You deserve to be in a field that makes you sing and makes you happy. And your children deserve a mom that's happy in her choice.

Look at the bigger picture is what I am saying.

Guest343211 · Dec 19, 2012

I have spoken to some of my friends who are nurses and they have assured me that I could work per diem or in a doctor's office. That would probably work for me because I always have every other weekend to work extra at another job and not sacrifice time with my kids. If anyone has any other advice about positions I could prepare to look into that offer flexibility, I am all for it. Thank you.

I know you said you are already in a nursing program. You still have time to change that if you want. Not all your credits will be lost. I am NOT telling you what to do in terms of nursing or not. But really nursing IS NOT what it used to be.

I don't know what your friends are telling you but this is how it generally goes.

You generally need strong clinical experience in a or a number of areas before being accepted into a per diem position. Also, per diem hours are NOT reliable. So in order to hope to make a base amount per week or month, you have to over schedule yourself, b/c the potential for being cancelled is strongest for you, as compared with the regular FT'ers or PT'ers. So then you will have weeks where you are working perhaps more hours than you wanted to make up for the potential of up and coming or potential lost hours through being cancelled. Most of the hours for positions for per diem on on off shift--mostly meaning night shifts and week ends and holidays. That's the reality.

You could get lucky; but I wouldn't shoot for that straight out of school. You are better off looking for a full-time position or multiple regular part time positions in acute care. Get that experience down for no less than a year or two.

Doctor's offices are notorious for paying well below what nurses can make in hospitals. It's just the reality. There are some exceptions, but those exceptions have to do with nurses that are specialized in a particular field for a number of years, have a four year degree in nursing or higher, have experience in research and also management. I'm talking about the rare physician's group that will pay a RN, BSN and up $70,000 or higher. Very, very rare. For a regular in office nurse, you are lucky if you get 60% of the above salary. Even then they want some clinical experience, and more and more they also want nurses with outpatient/clinic experience and those that are familiar with office management procedures.

Again I urge you to do your research--not just listen to some "nurse" friends. Everyone thinks they will be the exception to the normal--what falls within the normal distribution curve. That may be you, but probability dictates that it may not be. Do what YOU love and are deeply drawn to--and NOT just an idealistic picture of what that is. Too many nurses have gone into the field with a completely unrealistic idea of what nursing is all about. The net result for nursing is that people treat nursing like some lame occupation rather than respect it as being profession-worthy. It's not just about obtaining skills that a monkey can learn. And while you may understand that in theory, since you are in your second year of nursing, rather than say general education courses--if you are in general education course, even better that you think this through--but nursing desperately needs people that are happy in their roles--highly motivated about what the nursing process means--strong advocates that will risk losing a job rather than being on the wrong side of administration when it comes to meeting patients' and families' needs. People that believe in the profession, and not just climbing the ladder for their own success. Patients and families deserve nurses like this.

And indeed, you may be one of such nurses! All I am saying is make sure.

And I am telling you that the hours you seek may probably not be readily available to you post-graduation. In fact, many are lucky to get any kind of job in nursing.

Yes it is also dependent upon what area of the country you live; but by and large, the flexibility and opportunties, by far, are NOTHING like they used to be.

So, please take no offense. Just think about it, and good luck to you whatever you decide.

Guest343211 · Dec 19, 2012

Also, to help make my point, I submit the following like here at AN.

https://allnurses.com/first-year-after/left-nursing-after-803413.html