Newly qualified - anxiety/hopelessness

[unbridledhell]

Hello all,

I'm a brand new nurse who has just started work on an acute medical ward (non-USA). I have only done three 12.5 hour shifts, and already I am full of anxiety about going back to work. I am so anxious that I have had fleeting thoughts of running away, and even of stepping off the hospital parking lot roof. I just woke up and the anxiety hit me smack bang that I have to go back to work in 2 days time.

I have never ever felt like this about a ward before. The nurse to patient ratio is 1:7 or 1:8. Most shifts have no nursing assistant. Lots and lots of IV antibiotics and fluids; tons of meds. Patients requiring feeding. Lots of diabetes patients; some requiring hourly monitoring of blood sugars. Massive amounts of paperwork. Large number of bedbound patients, and incontinent, requiring hoisting or two nurses to turn.

Patient care is terrible and it is not the fault of the nurses, who were wonderful and so upset about the situation. They didn't have time to help each other. They were afraid to speak up due to bullying and uncaring management. I wanted to report it as an adverse incident but they said there is no point as this is a daily occurrence. I don't think they have the money to provide safe staffing levels.

The ratio may increase to between 1:9 and 1:10 shortly as we are taking on more patients but have no more staff.

I have been working with another nurse and not even given my own set of patients yet, but even we struggled with two of us helping each other out! My nurse mentor finally got her first break after 9 hours, but only because I was with her to help. Not exactly a break though - as she spent it hiding out writing her paperwork. She says she has to do this every day. The floor manager stayed on all day to help out even though she was supposed to be doing a short shift. She too is at the end of her tether.

I am writing this really to vent. I left all my shifts and cried all the way home and beyond - completely out of character. I am so so frightened and this is coming from an almost-40 year old mother of four, who has in the past worked as a nursing assistant before my bachelors! I really, truly don't want to go back to work on Monday. Three more shifts and I am on my own. God help me.

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

Some anxiety as a new nurse is normal; however, this:

stepping off the hospital parking lot roof

goes way beyond the normal new nurse anxiety. Please, contact your Employee Assistance Program or a counselor to discuss this reaction or even the suicide prevention hotline [phone] or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org- ASAP. It is normal to be overwhelmed as a new nurse; nursing school doesn't really prepare one to be a competent nurse right off the bat- that's why orientation periods exist. It will take time to get comfortable; some say a year is the average. But, please, you do need to discuss your extreme anxiety and suicidal ideation with someone trained to react to those situations.

Edit- missed the part about non-USA. Look into the resources available in your country, but please do take care of yourself.

[Baby Wrangler]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time. My first year of nursing was pretty rough too, huge learning curve and lots of stress but it got much better after the first year. That being said, your unit sounds extremely stressful and unsafe. Maybe just keep working at your current job but start looking for other positions? Sometimes when things are really bad, telling yourself that this is just temporary can help you cope better. I hope things get better for you.

[Marshall1]

It is no wonder under the conditions you are working and expected to work sound horrendous. BUT YOU NEED TO GET SOME HELP with the anxiety/depression and suicidal thoughts you are having. NOW. There is NOTHING to be ashamed of and NO job is worth what you are dealing with. I realize you most likely have to work but you can get help and get stable then look for something much less hellish. TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF is PRIORITY ONE.

PLEASE, get some help with what you are dealing with.

[BSNRN2014]

Definitely get some help and find someone to talk to...see if there is an occupational health department where you work. they usually have great resources for staff. I also think that it would be advisable to find a better work environment that is less stressful.