new nurse woes

SeeTheMoon · Sep 25, 2011

No advice really Kaks, I'm just a student. But I'm sorry they are bringing you down. I'm kinda sensitive myself and I have no doubt I'll be in your shoes soon.

Over the past few years though, my skin has gotten a little thicker. I might even dare to ask them-with kindness, as kindness can kill the wicked-"How long have you been a nurse? Oh I guess you've forgotten what it's like to be new, huh?"

Maybe something like that would make them think a little before being nasty.

Hope it gets better. Hugs to you. :)

Rodoon, BSN, MSN, RN · Sep 25, 2011

KaksRN,

I don't understand how this people can make you cry? If they were this rude; their behavior should be reported to the Nurse Manager. Did you ask your preceptor for input? If you do nothing, they will continue on the same path unless their attitude? was caused by a mistake you made. Are these 'nurses' RN's like you?

The lack of communication between professional staff influences patient care in a negative manner. The bottom line is Nurse Managers and CNS or NP responsible for orientation on your unit are still there for you. It's their job to make a smooth transition for you between orientation and normal staffing because thousands of dollars have been spent on training you. If you wait for weeks and months before saying anything, they might believe you're the problem because you remained silent. Don't ignore this if their behavior was uncalled for and unprovoked. Good Luck getting this straightened out.

tainted1972, ASN, RN · Sep 25, 2011

First of all, I am sorry you are having a difficult time with some co workers. Unfortunately this will be an issue for the rest of your life. There are always people who have bad attitudes. You will eventually learn to brush it off and move on. Some people will always have a bad attitude no matter what you do or say.

Remember that not everyone you come across is going to like you. But that does not excuse them from being downright rude. When I come across co workers like this, I smother them with sugar. It will either make them so sick that they will avoid you or they may return the favor. It is hard to be mean to a super sweet, smiling. helpful person :)

Jenni811, RN · Sep 25, 2011

As a new nurse i felt the same way.

It was my first day off orientation, by myself and i had several discharges.

i got CHEWED OUT by the HUC. She literally backed me into the point where i was against the wall because i wasn't updating her where i was in the discharge process with one of my patients.

I was NEW, i was focused on myself and doing my things correctly. it isn't even policy that we tell the HUCs where we are in the discharge process, it is just this particular HUC that likes it that way.

a HUC chewed out the RN?? Yup, it happened! 1 year later, she still hates me because of that and brings it up. She is a cranky old lady who probably hates her life. I just ignore it, and put on a fake smile and pretend to like her. When i get home i rant about how much i hate her and wishes she would "just retire already." I think my fiance knows EVERY thought that runs through my mind with this HUC. I don't talk with other coworkers, cause well you know what that could lead to :)

just realize that some nurses and some other people are just really stuck in there ways (LIke the HUC that chewed me out). Your not going to change them, and chances are you are not the only one that feels this way about these particular nurses.

xtxrn, ASN, RN · Sep 25, 2011

Part of working with women (sorry- imo it's true. We're more emotionally charged over some stuff than guys are- and they have their own 'traits'- :)).

Managers don't care about the jerks- maybe a few, but good luck. BTDT. As a supervisor, when someone came up with a personality clash I'd send them back to work it out- and let them know both could resign if they couldn't. IF it wasn't just catty crud, and actual violations of the conduct standards in the employee handbook, they'd get a write up- and I'd watch them more. All I could hope for was that they'd either change their tune, hit the road, or pile up enough write ups to warrant being canned.

But this won't be your last rodeo with nasty co-workers. And they can hurt a lot. When I've had butt wipes I've had to work with, I reminded myself I wasn't them (a good thing), they didn't live with me (a VERY good thing), and what comes around goes around- someone meaner would eventually get them (I enjoyed the thought of that, however 'wrong' it didn't hurt them, and got me through). But they also weren't worth a lot of mental energy- just not "decent enough" to even exert a mosquito fart on...

Make up your own mental images of them in lousy situations - sometimes it's enough to get through the day. In the long run, I don't wish anybody ill will.....but if I have to think of them in a lousy situation to make it easier to get through a shift for the patients' sake, it helped.

I've had HUCs in my face- and thank God for 'em. They taught me a lot when I was in new jobs :)

kurisuchine08 · Sep 25, 2011

i've been working 3 yrs now, but still i have one colleague who makes it a point to make my life miserable. but i stopped caring about her a couple of years back. she's just one person compared to a bunch of friends that i have the pleasure of working with. just last week we had a clash, and boy, did i almost strangle her. but good thing i got a hold of my temper and just walked away. on the plus side, so many people realized how unprofessional she was behaving and it ticked her more that she was not able to make me look bad. but if you really feel that they are harassing you, go ahead and take it up on the big bosses. my hospital has a policy against bullying and it really helps to know that you'll have the policy to back you up if worse comes to worst. what i learned is that you don't have to be friends, just be civil and professional about it and go about your business as usual. just make sure that they don't find something to use against you. do your work well. i know its hard to be unfeeling where these "colleagues" are concerned but you'll learn soon enough.

:woot:

marshmallowstar, BSN, RN · Sep 25, 2011

kill 'em with kindness and stroke their egos a little bit. next time there is down time (is there ever?) ask if they have any tips or tricks for something you've struggled with. (iv starts? interacting with a specific doc who may have his/her own personality issues) make it something that she's not going to think you're stupid/incompetent for asking but that you would truly gain something from hearing her experience. sometimes having an interaction like this can change the dynamic of the relationship because they feel respected and it's harder to be unprofessional when your in a position of respect. if they assist you with a task ask for feedback this puts her in a position to either compliment you and say you did it well or give you critical feedback but in appropriate exchange instead of lashing out. my experience is that when you ask for feedback instead of waiting for it to be given it takes away the sting of hearing a critique and allows for them to given you positive feedback as well.

if this fails have an honest conversation about what's going on.

I personally HATE confrontation which is why I try to build a rapport/relationship first to deescalate the situation first.

sometimes it sucks being the sane one because you end up putting a lot of energy into making the environment healthy while it takes others very little effort to be bat crap crazy.

good luck. sorry for any spelling/punctuation errors, I'm on my phone

mookyjoe, BSN, MSN, APRN, NP · Sep 25, 2011

I've a got a few months in now and my super is so awkward that my blood pressure goes up when she just approaches me. Everything is you, you, you. There's nothing about did you know about this, it's always what did you do now? She even tries to peg me against the other nurse who's wonderful by saying the other nurse says you.... When I went to approach the other nurse, she was asking me what I told the super, and I was laughing b/c I told her, I was about to ask you the same thing. In the end, neither of us are saying anything about one another. The super is just stirring the pot, trying to see what guilt we'll admit to. I even approached the big boss and she says just work it out among yourselves. I have to be honest, when I saw the other RN going toe-to-toe with the super and the super was raising her voice b/c she doesn't like it when others make her look bad, the big boss just watched and did no intervening, which is wrong. If you're going to discuss something, do exactly that, discuss it. Nothing gets accomplished when someone gets all defensive and starts chaging their tone. That makes you so unappraochable. If she could just listen and not assume we're trying to make her look stupid, the oragnaization might flow a lot smoother. Even the LPN's have the same ideas about that super, and to think they were under the impression the super didn't pick on the RN's. Ha! This awkwardness has me thinking there's other stuff out there. My thoughts are, yes, stupid, difficult people are everywhere and the root of the problem is rarely disclosed when trying to "work things out," but if you're that uncomfortable and you can afford to leave, why not? Stress is not good for anyone's health, so why burn yourself out prematurely?

Jenni811, RN · Sep 25, 2011

I've had HUCs in my face- and thank God for 'em. They taught me a lot when I was in new jobs :)

I dont know, i guess i just don't think ANYONE has the right to be in anyone's face.

Im fairly shy/quiet, so this HUC knows she can walk all over me. I honestly just wanted to be like "I am the nurse here. i am doing the discharge and working with the family. i will talk to you when i have time, because the patient and their family is my priority not you."

Wanted to say it, but it just comes out "Okay" :uhoh3: every time she chews my a$$ out.

Then she has the nerve to add me on facebook like we are all buddy buddy.

KaksRN · Sep 26, 2011

Over the past few years though, my skin has gotten a little thicker. I might even dare to ask them-with kindness, as kindness can kill the wicked-"How long have you been a nurse? Oh I guess you've forgotten what it's like to be new, huh?"
Maybe something like that would make them think a little before being nasty.
)

That's usually my plan and I can see that it'll have to be the plan here, too. Let me add that this person has a very strong personality and I think what sent me over the edge was having to hear from her day after day. What I failed to mentioned is that she did apologize extensively to me at the end of the shift. I guess she got word of how upset I had gotten over all of it. Hopefully, she'll take that into consideration next time. We'll see...

KaksRN,
I don't understand how this people can make you cry? If they were this rude; their behavior should be reported to the Nurse Manager. Did you ask your preceptor for input? If you do nothing, they will continue on the same path unless their attitude? was caused by a mistake you made. Are these 'nurses' RN's like you?

The person is an LPN, who sometimes works as a CNA. All the other nurses who were there witnessed what happened and when I got upset, were very comforting to me. They all agreed with my point of view, which was that this particular nurse should approach us differently. I guess they've all gotten used to it so they're able to blow it off far better than I am. STILL, in my opinion, that doesn't make it ok.

First of all, I am sorry you are having a difficult time with some co workers. Unfortunately this will be an issue for the rest of your life. There are always people who have bad attitudes. You will eventually learn to brush it off and move on. Some people will always have a bad attitude no matter what you do or say.
Remember that not everyone you come across is going to like you. But that does not excuse them from being downright rude. When I come across co workers like this, I smother them with sugar. It will either make them so sick that they will avoid you or they may return the favor. It is hard to be mean to a super sweet, smiling. helpful person :)

Thank you. I understand that this will be an issue but I think I'll be able to deal with it wayyy better when I am more confident in my nursing skills.

As a new nurse i felt the same way.
It was my first day off orientation, by myself and i had several discharges.
i got CHEWED OUT by the HUC. .

What's an HUC? a CNA?

Part of working with women (sorry- imo it's true. We're more emotionally charged over some stuff than guys are- and they have their own 'traits'- :)).

My exact thoughts, "What was I thinking joining a career filled with women?" :lol2: Luckily, I have far more nurses that are supportive than ones who are like this lady.

i've been working 3 yrs now, but still i have one colleague who makes it a point to make my life miserable. but i stopped caring about her a couple of years back. she's just one person compared to a bunch of friends that i have the pleasure of working with. just last week we had a clash, and boy, did i almost strangle her. but good thing i got a hold of my temper and just walked away. on the plus side, so many people realized how unprofessional she was behaving and it ticked her more that she was not able to make me look bad. but if you really feel that they are harassing you, go ahead and take it up on the big bosses. my hospital has a policy against bullying and it really helps to know that you'll have the policy to back you up if worse comes to worst. what i learned is that you don't have to be friends, just be civil and professional about it and go about your business as usual. just make sure that they don't find something to use against you. do your work well. i know its hard to be unfeeling where these "colleagues" are concerned but you'll learn soon enough.

I was going to write an email to inform the NM of the happenings but then she apologized. I guess if she's more aware of her behavior now, that might not be necessary. We shall see. Luckily, like I said, all of my co-workers were witnesses.

kill 'em with kindness and stroke their egos a little bit. next time there is down time (is there ever?) ask if they have any tips or tricks for something you've struggled with. (iv starts? interacting with a specific doc who may have his/her own personality issues) make it something that she's not going to think you're stupid/incompetent for asking but that you would truly gain something from hearing her experience. sometimes having an interaction like this can change the dynamic of the relationship because they feel respected and it's harder to be unprofessional when your in a position of respect. if they assist you with a task ask for feedback this puts her in a position to either compliment you and say you did it well or give you critical feedback but in appropriate exchange instead of lashing out. my experience is that when you ask for feedback instead of waiting for it to be given it takes away the sting of hearing a critique and allows for them to given you positive feedback as well.
if this fails have an honest conversation about what's going on.
I personally HATE confrontation which is why I try to build a rapport/relationship first to deescalate the situation first.
sometimes it sucks being the sane one because you end up putting a lot of energy into making the environment healthy while it takes others very little effort to be bat crap crazy.
good luck. sorry for any spelling/punctuation errors, I'm on my phone

That's my exact plan with another of the nurses! I was told that she likes to "teach" by giving you long, drawn out lectures. So, although I don't trust her nursing too much, I let her tell me all the stories and "teach" me all she wants.

Stress is not good for anyone's health, so why burn yourself out prematurely?

Exactly! I like to hear them talk about the real world nursing stuff but at the same time, I wish they weren't all so bitter...

I dont know, i guess i just don't think ANYONE has the right to be in anyone's face.
Im fairly shy/quiet, so this HUC knows she can walk all over me. I honestly just wanted to be like "I am the nurse here. i am doing the discharge and working with the family. i will talk to you when i have time, because the patient and their family is my priority not you."
Wanted to say it, but it just comes out "Okay" every time she chews my a$$ out.
Then she has the nerve to add me on facebook like we are all buddy buddy.

What's funny about this nurse is that, like I said, sometimes she acts as CNA. So, when she's a CNA, she wants nurses to do so much more than when she's a nurse and she wants the CNA to do it for her. SO hypocritical!

Thanks for the replies. I really love my work. I don't want to cry and I don't want them to look at me like I'm a crier... I know it's going to be hard for a while... but I'm in it for the long run. Thanks again.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 26, 2011

the original post said nothing about her co-workers being nasty. it said she had "issues" with them, and that she wound up in tears. could it simply be that the original poster needs to learn to cope with the inevitable disagreements at work without resorting to tears?