New nurse questioning it all

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I am currently wondering if I am even meant to be a nurse. I have been in nursing for two years and have worked in two very stressful positions. My first job as a new grad was on a medsurg and telemetry floor in a all hospital that was always understaffed and put me in unsafe positions. I always felt that my patients lives were at risk and had so much anxiety about it I ended up going into a severe depression and having daily panic attacks. After a year I finally quit and took a 6 month break from nursing to figure out what I wanted to do and decided to try long term care. I absolutely caring for people and developing connections with my patients. I fell in love with the residents there but I had a lot of ethical issues with the facility and couldn't handle being a part of it. The other nurses and management openly told me the only way to get through the job was to cut corners and I saw the reprucssions. I was working 10-12 hours 5 days a week bexause I refused to compromise my ethics and it wore on me. I ended up leaving after getting covid at work because I wasn't provided with proper PPE. After recovering and testing negitive I have been searching for a new job for the past month but I am so afraid im going to have another terrible experience. As someone diagnosed with anxiety and depression I'm not sure if nursing is the right field for me but caring for others is my passion and I feel so lost and hopeless. Are there any nursing positions anyone could suggest that may be lower stress that I would actually be able to get the minimal experience I do have? Or should I just move on now and find a different career? 

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Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.

Long term care facilities are notorious for understaffing, underpaying and undertraining. Your experience with LTC doesn't surprise me. I wound up in a similar job after relocating, and at least it gave me the ability to qualify for the mortgage on my house, and it gave me the opportunity to make a contact that led to my next job. I knew early on that I wouldn't be staying, and the time that I spent there only reinforced that. The facility that I worked for offered me a job and gave me a start date without even verifying that I had a license. However, I needed a job quickly, and at least they delivered on that score.

The beauty of nursing - and one reason that I chose it for a mid-life career change - is that you can go into something totally different without having to return to school and get another degree. You will find your niche. It may just take a while, and you may wind up trying things that aren't for you in the process of finding it.

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I'm sorry you had such bad experience as a new grad. Have you looked into public health nursing?

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Specializes in ER, Pre-Op, PACU.
On 9/9/2020 at 1:01 PM, EmilyR1996 said:

I am currently wondering if I am even meant to be a nurse. I have been in nursing for two years and have worked in two very stressful positions. My first job as a new grad was on a medsurg and telemetry floor in a all hospital that was always understaffed and put me in unsafe positions. I always felt that my patients lives were at risk and had so much anxiety about it I ended up going into a severe depression and having daily panic attacks. After a year I finally quit and took a 6 month break from nursing to figure out what I wanted to do and decided to try long term care. I absolutely caring for people and developing connections with my patients. I fell in love with the residents there but I had a lot of ethical issues with the facility and couldn't handle being a part of it. The other nurses and management openly told me the only way to get through the job was to cut corners and I saw the reprucssions. I was working 10-12 hours 5 days a week bexause I refused to compromise my ethics and it wore on me. I ended up leaving after getting covid at work because I wasn't provided with proper PPE. After recovering and testing negitive I have been searching for a new job for the past month but I am so afraid im going to have another terrible experience. As someone diagnosed with anxiety and depression I'm not sure if nursing is the right field for me but caring for others is my passion and I feel so lost and hopeless. Are there any nursing positions anyone could suggest that may be lower stress that I would actually be able to get the minimal experience I do have? Or should I just move on now and find a different career? 

A lot of nursing jobs are super stressful but not all of them are. You sound like your heart is in the right place and are a good nurse - just need a different speciality. Do you want to stay bedside? I did the ER for the longest time but began to develop a lot of health issues and it no longer worked for my life. However I hated to give it up....it took a lot for me to really convince myself to leave the department. Fast forward, I am now in pre-op and PACU and it’s so much better for my life! You will find something that works for you, but it may need to be a different speciality.

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Sounds like most of this isn't your fault directly. However, I think the working "10-12 hours 5 days a week" may have something to do with it. Nursing is a profession where you really need to understand and accept your own limitations. Sure, you can work that amount of time, but it will have an adverse effect on you in the long run. As a Nurse, your priority is obviously to patients (you seem very dedicated) but also to your own well-being. It gets said so frequently, but if you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your patients.

Before your next job, maybe develop a plan-of-attack on how you'll keep yourself motivated and a realistic work schedule. Keep searching as there are so many different specialties in Nursing. Your hearts in the right place.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Oncology, School Nursing, OB.

Med-Surg, Telemetry and Long Term Care are all notoriously hard, understaffed, busy, stressful... Pick literally anything else. You have a couple years of experience and have paid your dues so find something new that sounds interesting. However, most inpatient units are stressful in their own ways. Maybe look at case management, hospice, postpartum, nursery, public health, school nursing, ambulatory care, etc.  The beauty of nursing is that you can keep trying new things. 

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Specializes in sub-acute/rehab; acute psych.

Psych! It is a little stressful yes, but a different kind. In my facility, everyone is medically cleared before coming, so its managing symptoms and behaviors mostly or stable medical conditions. I'm not (as) fearful of med errors, a crashing patient, and all the other junk the floor brings. If you can keep it cool as patients do not, psych might be for you.

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Like the others have said, those are very stressful fields for nurses to be in.  I'm currently in the same boat as your, but I didn't do the long term care thing.  I am in med surg where they are texting daily to see if I will work extra shifts.  They don't care if I work 7 days a week.  I in the other hand, am not going to pick up any extra because I know I can only handle so much!  I have been on this unit for a little over a year and I am actively looking for other employment. A lot of places want the BSN and at least 1-2 years of nursing experience.  I've done that and am desparately trying to find something else.  Keep looking and don't settle.  You aren't obligated to continue to be miserable!  Preop or Pacu are fairly low stress and you'll see a lot of different patients.  I would recommend those.

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