New (great!) job...and yet I still don't want to be a nurse?

[freespyryt]

I posted a year ago or so about working on a floor I loved for a boss that I hated. Well I fell into a home health job and quit that one (yay) and to be honest, this job is perfect for me. 12pm-8pm for hours, independence, my bosses and co workers are (for the most part) absolutely fantastic, I get to do 1:1 care most of the time and my patients get a long well. My reviews have been excellent, my coworkers and supervisors love me, and I'm confident in my skills. By all means, this should be making me happy. I'm not. I still have a HUGE amount of anxiety that I'm going to mess up and do something wrong and kill someone (logically, I know it's not likely as we're not usually doing that type of care) or that I'll mess up and lose my job. Work/home life separation is almost non-existant, and when I'm not at work, I'm thinking about how much I don't want to go back. Like I said, I'm so, so fortunate to have the job I have and I cannot just leave to figure things out because I'm supporting my partner through school, but I'm a nervous wreck, I have no energy when I get home and my life is just kind of this vortex stress and depression. I have an appointment with a therapist in a week, see if it's me and not the job, but honestly, I've always known I didn't want to be a floor nurse, and now I think I don't even want to be in patient care. I'm envious of the people flipping burgers. I don't want the responsibility, and I don't want to worry 24/7 that I'm going to get a call that something went wrong with a patient. I feel like I'm responsible no matter what time of day it is for the patient's I have seen and I hate that.

I just really want to go to work, put in my time, and then come home and do what I love. Ideally I'd be an artist and not have to work, but since that's not really financially viable, I HAVE to find something that isn't draining. My partner graduates in about 6 months, so we'll likely be moving then. I'm not planning on changing jobs until we move, so I have time to mull it over, but I honestly don't know where to go from here. I don't want a lot of responsibility for lives. It stresses me out so much. I just...I don't know what else I'd do? Nothing in healthcare really sounds interesting or like I'd even want to do it, but I don't know what other fields I could go into with a BSN. I feel like I've wasted so much time and money on this and my parents DEFINITELY pushed me into this. I wish I had taken a couple years out when I graduated high school to work a crap job and figure out what I wanted out of life instead of getting this degree that I don't know what to do with or really even want. I love my patients, and I love the talking/teaching aspect and tbh I even love doing wound care, IV starts, etc. I just don't like the responsibility and the lack of separation in my life.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

So, when your partner graduates and you move, I would look into teaching. You could be a teacher in a vocational school, a CNA instructor, teach medical assisting, be a clinical instructor--lots of things. If you can get a job at a local community college (and heck, you could even teach "health" at a local adult ed place) sometimes that enables you to go to school at largely reduced, and sometimes free tuition. Pursue your Masters and become a nurse educator at a local hospital. Become a nurse manager. Or, get into Case Management (which would not require a Masters). Even some local high schools have health teachers that are nurses, someone to teach CPR and First Aid. See if the Town you are moving to has community health nursing. Then you are an educatoron people's medications, etc. See what else the community has to offer as far as health education.

Best of luck to you in your endevours.

[mtngrl, ASN, RN]

I know how you feel. I am a worrier as it is so being a nurse was NOT a good idea. I would think about patients my entire weekend off, feeling stressed and thinking what if. I got out of clinical nursing to do case management, since I can't cause harm to anyone doing paperwork lol. But I still don't like being a nurse, it is still depressing and stressful. I really hope one day to just have a brand new job with nothing to do with nursing. Oh and yes I have gone thru the drive thru and envied the person working!!!! Do your job go home and don't have to think about it til you go back!

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

Many us feel the need to fulfill others' expectations rather than our own & it's very sad when it ends up in such a negative place. It sounds as though you have managed to analyze what is most stressful -- danger of committing life-threatening mistakes or unable to handle life-or-death interventions. That's a great starting place because there are a lot of nursing jobs that are very far removed from this sphere of practice. PP's have mentioned some of them.

Undoubtedly, you would be far happier in a more wellness-oriented clinical environment. These positions do not pay as well as acute care - for a logical reason, right?? However, if you want to have 'regular hours', you may want to avoid small physician practices, as these frequently have hours that extend well into the evening due to patient scheduling demands. Larger, multi-specialty clinics or public health clinics are very stable work environments.

[freespyryt]

I've thought about wound-care clinics or something similar that pay fairly closely to what I make now. Honestly I'd rather stay in this job until I was stable enough to quit all together and become an artist/waitress/anything else. I really am very lucky to work where I work, and for all intents and purposes it should be the perfect job. But I didn't realize the amount of responsibility I would be taking on and how I'd always be accountable, even years after caring for someone, and the stress level really takes it's toll. I'm a huge worrier and constantly anxious about small things, so that doesn't help

[rnrg]

Omg the OP sounds like me!!! I always dreamt about being a nurse now I wish I never embarked into this stressful career. I don't want to quit but I would liv love to get out of home care where I'm the ONLY skilled care giver who provides care to high acuity pts. ALONE. I enjoy what I do just wish I had a better support system.

[inezarochette]

@ [COLOR=#003366]freespyryt Being a wound care nurse really sounds great! But does working as an OR nurse ever come to your thoughts? There's still a lot of responsibilities to do for sure but is different from being a floor nurse. You`ll handle one patient at a time together with the OR team, surgeon, anesthesiologist and co-nurses. Check it out, who knows you might like it : )