New Grad Terrors

[adamsli88]

I graduated nursing school last May and was lucky enough to get my first job. I started August 1st so I have been at it for a little over 3 months. I got off orientation 2 weeks ago so am now on my own with no preceptor. I am having terrible anxiety. When I walk into work I feel like throwing up. I pray like crazy before every shift. I cry before, during (in the bathroom), and after work sometimes. When I try to sleep my eyes will shoot open and I'll wake up in a panic thinking I missed something. I have nightmares about my patient's CBGs being all messed up. I wake up wondering if I missed something. I'm beginning to think I'm crazy and need to be on meds or something. Today I started to think that what I thought was my calling to be a nurse is wrong. I love people, I love serving, I love working 3 days a week, I love that someday when I have a family I'll be able to be home with my kids a lot, I love holding a person's hand when they are scared and need someone to just listen. I just want to help my patients. I've already had 1 incident report written on me in my second week off orientation for my patient not being cleared out enough before her colonoscopy and they couldn't do it. I felt so awful. I tried so hard that night. It was me and my charge nurse with 12 patients and it was all I could do to make it through the night. I'm just terrified to even go into work. I feel like I have such a scary power in my hands dealing with people's lives. I graduated high school as the valedictorian, worked my way through college, volunteered, and finished college with over a 3.9 GPA. I have never given up on anything, but this whole thing is a lot different than going to school. I can do school.... this I'm not so sure about anymore.

Anyone else feel this way as a new grad?

[emmanewgrad]

I understand what u r going through, after two years of nursing, I still get nervous. I go to sleep thinking and wondering if I missed anything and wake up thinking of the things I missed not documenting.... that's only on critical patients. Otherwise, I sleep tight and cozy....anxiety should mellow down....yes, I've lost hair due to this anxiety but growing some more. ..BTW, getting ny hair do tomorrow :)

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

It is natural to have some degree of anxiety as a new nurse. It was pure hell for me as a new nurse and I felt like you did. But if there are coworkers you can trust as mentors and for a second opinion that should help. Also if your hospital has an emergency response team you should remind yourself that you can ask for help. Ideally, you should be able to even unofficially ask the MRT RN for guidance. Where I work they will come by and check on a patient unofficially. I feel for you with the anxiety, hopefully it will ease as you learn more and find mentors who have your back and if there is a positive team environment! Remind yourself your not alone, there are others to help and if you have a question you can look it up on google or a good reference book till things come easier.

Getting an incident report because the patient wasn't clear is just ridiculous. It happens and there is more than one shift. Also when a patient isn't clear than they do tap water enemas till clear and reschedule if need be. Writing you up over such a petty thing shows management and coworkers do not have your back! That is not a mistake that you should have been written up over. It's just reality that sometimes people are not clear and then need TWE's. I'm sorry someone wrote you up over that. Totally unnecessary, spiteful if you ask me.

[sandbox]

i also feel the same way.. not exactly a new grad. worked in psych for a year after i graduated and just a got a job in medsurg.. kind of feel out-of-place, doubting myself if i can survive in medsurg, but just trying to hang in there. in two weeks, i will be on my own and i'm panicking if i can get my patients safe through my shift. like u, i put pressure on myself to be perfect when i get off orientation but that is just impossible, i just dont to make a fool out of myself. did well in school but floor is very tough. putting the pieces together and making the patient's condition make sense is the hardest part, esp when u havent experienced or have been exposed to it before.

for the seasoned nurses, what do you recommend for us transitioners and new grads to focus on while we are on our first months in medsurg?

[adamsli88]

Thank you everyone for your input and encouragement. I understand why I got the incident report though. I gave her all the bowel prep and knew she had been getting up to the bathroom, but just assumed she was pooping enough and didn't verify with the CNA. I should of and called the Dr for an enema if it wasn't enough. Normally all the bowel prep is sufficient though. There was inadequate staffing and I was so insanely busy, but I took responsibility for it. I did talk to my manager though and told her that it will be really tough to do my job to the best of my ability with that kind of staffing. She agreed and said she will be changing things up a bit. The people I work with and my boss are great. I'm blessed in that way. I know I will get better at things. I just am not sure hospital nursing is for me at this point!