New grad single dad with a question

rn/writer, RN · Dec 3, 2011

What is your son's schedule? Is he in school/daycare full or part-time. This makes a big difference.

Are you looking at 8- or 12-hour shifts?

What kind of child-care resources do you have available?

If he's in school all day, you could work first or third shift. Second shift would be the worst.

Tell us more about your situation.

Thanks for being a good dad.

proudpops · Dec 3, 2011

My sons daycare is open from 6-6

In my area I will probably have to work 8 HR shifts at a local LTC

My family might be willing to help on say me working overnights but I try not to rely on them and do things the most Independent way

I know in a yr he will be going to kindergarten so that would make days most sensible I just want to make sure I can afford the best exp for my first yr of nursing possible and still be able to make this work

pink_shoes99 · Dec 3, 2011

You could always try to find a PRN position until he starts school. Thats what I do, and I get 30 hrs a week, plus a hefty increase in pay since I am so "flexible". Of course, that is if you don't need benefits until you can find something full-time.

rn/writer, RN · Dec 3, 2011

If you can find a day position, seems like you would have a very workable schedule for week days. Weekends would be more of a challenge, and you wouldn't get to see him much on those days.

One thing I will suggest is to have a backup plan in case he gets sick or some other wrinkle happens. Then have a backup for you backup. And even a third possibility, should the first two fall through. You also want to have a plan in case he gets sick at daycare and needs to be picked up during the day.

The more planning you do now, the less likely you are to be scrambling later.

If you can't find a day position, the next best thing would be nights. Either find someone to come sleep at your house--a college student who needs to study and wants to make a few bucks on the side or an older lady who needs to supplement her pension. Get references. Set parameters, like no visits from the boyfriend and such.

You can still drop him off at daycare so you can get some sleep. Don't worry too much about finances. You ought to get both a night and weekend differential and that could help pay for the nighttime sitter, who should be allowed to sleep as long as they could wake to a baby monitor if they hear your son awaken or call out. A sitter like this should not expect top dollar. If all they are doing is stand-by babysitting and they aren't putting him to bed or doing much else, you should be able to pay a set rate per night that would, in large part, be covered by your differential.

The other option for nights would be to find a family or another single parent (preferably with a child near your son's age) who would keep him overnight. You would either have to take him a little early and put him to bed there or wake him after several hours' sleep and drop him off before you go in. Neither is ideal, but if you see this as temporary, it can certainly be done. In Britain during WWII, children were routinely summoned from their beds in the nighttime to go to air raid shelters. This was treated as an inconvenience rather than something horrible and damaging, and the kids took it in stride.

In less than a year, your son will be in kindergarten and, if you started out on nights, you might find an opening on days.

Whatever you do, don't feel guilty or frequently act personally apologetic about the circumstances or your son will pick up on that and believe you're doing something wrong. It's fine to acknowledge that you both look forward to an easier schedule, but if you keep the attitude that you're doing the best you can for him, he'll pick up on that, as well, and believe his dad is taking good care of him, even though there are challenges.

If you do feel guilty from time to time, cry in your beer to a pal at some time when your son isn't around. Then buck up and tell yourself the truth--life isn't always easy and you might make mistakes along the way, but you're doing what you must to provide for your son and for both of you to have a good life together.

You can always come here and rant and rave and get some cheerleading. That's what we're here for. :up:

vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN · Dec 10, 2011

Whatever you do, don't feel guilty or frequently act personally apologetic about the circumstances or your son will pick up on that and believe you're doing something wrong. It's fine to acknowledge that you both look forward to an easier schedule, but if you keep the attitude that you're doing the best you can for him, he'll pick up on that, as well, and believe his dad is taking good care of him, even though there are challenges.
If you do feel guilty from time to time, cry in your beer to a pal at some time when your son isn't around. Then buck up and tell yourself the truth--life isn't always easy and you might make mistakes along the way, but you're doing what you must to provide for your son and for both of you to have a good life together.

Thanks for this, Miranda! I will take this to heart as I continue towards my nursing education!

I don't think anyone could have given you better advice than what's been said on this thread.

Proudpops, I just wanted to add that you may be able to find a licensed child care provider who will work with you on a reduced/negotiated rate for the over nights. You may even find someone who is flexible with days and nights. I say this because I used to provide licensed in home child care and I often was flexible with parents with special needs and I had many colleagues who were also. If you do seek out a flexible child care arrangement, be candid with the person and explain your situation: single dad, new grad, may need to work non traditional hours, can't afford super expensive care but want the best for your kid.

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN · Dec 11, 2011

If you are a single parent, IMO evenings is the worst shift. Days, he'll be in school/childcare and you won't miss much. Nights, he'll be asleep at a friend/family/sitter's house and you won't miss much. Evenings, you're missing out on his free time. Also, 12s are horrible because 12 hour shifts are rarely exactly 12 hours but more like 13-14 when all is said and done, but many childcare facilities are only open exactly 12 hours. See if you can find 8 hour shifts when possible.

There is a website called SitterCity that has childcare providers of all types. I believe sitters have to pay to be listed on the service so you know people on there are more serious. The site also lets you run background checks and read references on any of the sitters there. You can also post a job listing explaining exactly what your childcare needs are and what you are looking for in a sitter. I've used them to find backup sitters when my little one's main childcare falls through, and it's worked out great. I've sent you a PM with the link.

Another option is to find licensed childcare providers on your state's government website.

Last...word of mouth: talk to family and friends and see who they use...or if they know someone looking for babysitting work.