New grad, severe anxiety and depression

[setsuna92]

This is my first post here. I've been scrolling through similar posts and I've talked to my close new grad friends that also work on the same unit, yet nothing has really helped. I work in a pediatrics unit (night shift) and am in my eighth week of orientation. I've been able to keep my anxiety at work in check until last week when I reached my full patient load. Some background info: for the last two years I had suffered from severe depression with suicidal ideation, anxiety, and panic attacks. According to our local mental health facility, (I was taken in under a crisis situation) I was diagnosed with a mood disorder with a post partum onset and anxiety. However, they decided that I was still functioning well in society so they weren't going to help me. In the last semester on nursing school I sought for help in other places, got counseling, rekindled my hobbies etc. I had been doing well until I started working at the hospital. I cry everyday, when I wake up and throughout the day, even if I'm on my days off. The other day during report, I was beginning to have a panic attack but was able to keep it under control was my preceptor coached me through breathing. I'm scared this will hinder my competency. I'm losing hope and feel like a failure. I understand everyone says I'm going to feel like this for the first year, but I feel like I'll completely lose myself if I continue down this path. I'm at a loss as to what to do. My preceptor is great and very helpful. I love the idea of nursing and everything it entails, and it's killing me to look at myself and see myself struggle like this as opposed to my friends. I'm willing to go to a doctor but my insurance doesn't kick in for another month. Our mental health clinic has already denied me services. I don't know what else to do.

[babyrnhlw]

You said that everyone says it's normal to feel this way in the first year. But I don't think that's true hun. It's normal to feel uneasy and nervous at this stage in your life and career. But panic attacks and crying daily are not normal. I suffer with severe depression and anxiety as well so I do understand to an extent, although I know everyone is different. Here are my suggestions, whatever they may be worth:

Definitely DEFINITELY go to the doctor. They can run labs on you to determine any deficiencies or conditions that may be a contributing factor (for me it's hypothyroidism). I'm assuming you're not on any antidepressants or anything? These will be your best friend. This is my number one recommendation if you can afford to do this right now

Ultimately you have to find what works for YOU...

Try to remember what helped you in the past and try those efforts again.

What helps me? Eating healthier and exercising (even if very little) makes me feel so good about myself if I can make myself do it

Getting out in the sun is also very good for you.

You need an outlet - diary, someone to talk to (I hate doing this but it's truly the most beneficial), running, something that helps alleviate the stress

For anxiety, you need to figure out the TRIGGERS. And go back to your nursing school knowledge and maybe try to implement that for yourself (like you said in your post, you tried deep breathing)

Social media doesn't help anything. Consider cutting it out, or decreasing time.

Self help books? I've only attempted this once. Didn't stick with it long enough to know if it helped, but it's worth a shot.

Look into herbal supplements for depression and anxiety. Oils are so popular right now so there's plenty of info out there waiting to be found on google:yes:

And my last suggestion is to get in touch with your spirituality. If your religious, go that route. But just whatever you believe in, it helps to channel your negative energy into something bigger than you.

Like I said, I suffer with severe depression. I have good days, weeks, months, and bad too. And trust me, the bad can be seriously BAD. If you do ever need someone to talk to and don't have anyone email me [email protected]. Everybody needs someone.

Best wishes

[setsuna92]

Thank you! Just recently I started going to church again. It's a fleeting moment of peace, but a moment none the less. I will look into the suggestions you've provided. I hadn't heard of oil therapy for depression and anxiety. but thank you, I was starting to wonder if I was somehow defective or not meant to be a nurse. I'll do my best to work through it.

[NotReady4PrimeTime, RN]

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling so much. This vocation isn't a forgiving one, and many nurses struggle with similar issues. Is there a crisis stabilization unit in your city? You may find some help there. I don't have a lot to add to what hannahleah said; I do support her suggestion of talking to someone. If your employer has a Employee Assistance Program you may get a referral to someone who can help you sort out your thoughts, feelings and anxieties, then give you some tools for working through them. I wish you the best.

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

You said that everyone says it's normal to feel this way in the first year. But I don't think that's true hun. It's normal to feel uneasy and nervous at this stage in your life and career. But panic attacks and crying daily are not normal. I suffer with severe depression and anxiety as well so I do understand to an extent, although I know everyone is different. Here are my suggestions, whatever they may be worth:

Definitely DEFINITELY go to the doctor. They can run labs on you to determine any deficiencies or conditions that may be a contributing factor (for me it's hypothyroidism). I'm assuming you're not on any antidepressants or anything? These will be your best friend. This is my number one recommendation if you can afford to do this right now

Ultimately you have to find what works for YOU...

Try to remember what helped you in the past and try those efforts again.

What helps me? Eating healthier and exercising (even if very little) makes me feel so good about myself if I can make myself do it

Getting out in the sun is also very good for you.

You need an outlet - diary, someone to talk to (I hate doing this but it's truly the most beneficial), running, something that helps alleviate the stress

For anxiety, you need to figure out the TRIGGERS. And go back to your nursing school knowledge and maybe try to implement that for yourself (like you said in your post, you tried deep breathing)

Social media doesn't help anything. Consider cutting it out, or decreasing time.

Self help books? I've only attempted this once. Didn't stick with it long enough to know if it helped, but it's worth a shot.

Look into herbal supplements for depression and anxiety. Oils are so popular right now so there's plenty of info out there waiting to be found on google:yes:

And my last suggestion is to get in touch with your spirituality. If your religious, go that route. But just whatever you believe in, it helps to channel your negative energy into something bigger than you.

Like I said, I suffer with severe depression. I have good days, weeks, months, and bad too. And trust me, the bad can be seriously BAD. If you do ever need someone to talk to and don't have anyone email me [email protected]. Everybody needs someone.

Best wishes

I could not possibly improve on this poster's advice other than emphasize that what you are going through is NOT normal new grad stress and you need to take measures rather than just wait it out.

You may well have a clinical disorder that requires proper treatment for you to function safely, so I highly encourage you to put what energy you have to get that help. I don't even want to mention the consequences of inaction.

No judgement from me that you may need psychiatric help vs physical help. Make an appointment with a mental health professional so you can be seen as soon as your healthcare benefits kick it. No waiting!

Thanks for dropping by AN. We can sometimes be helpful if not entertaining.

[MandieDandy]

I'm sorry you're struggling right now. In addition to the other recommendations, there is an amazingly helpful book called "Feeling Good" by Dr. Burns. There is even a workbook you can purchase to do the activities. The book has been extremely helpful for me. I'm told the book is utilized by many mental health care providers. Best of luck.

[Hydrocodone APAP]

Depression and anxiety together, the best remedy is meditation and breathing.