New Grad - Resume and Cover Letter. Please Critique for me!

MrChicagoRN, RN · Aug 30, 2011

overall, it looks good, but i makes some suggestions in red.

hello all,
my girlfriend just got her license and is trying to land her first nursing job. i am trying to help with the resume and cover letter. i have attached what we've come up with so far. i would appreciate it very much if anyone took a moment to read it and critique. any glaring errors? anything we can do to make it better?
thanks!
(please excuse the loss of formatting and bullets)
------------------------------------------resume-----------------------------------
jane smith, rn
179 redacted street
somecity, ny, 10034
(123) 555-3245
[email protected]
objective
to obtain a position within an acute care setting that will foster the utilization and advancement of my education, experience and skills. objective is optional, but should state what value she will bring to the institution. it's not "all about me."
skills and achievements
registered nurse, new york state perhaps include year of licensure, as it's confusing to glance down at education & see 2013 listed as the completion date.
fluent in russian, basic knowledge of spanish and ukrainian
american heart association bls certification for the health care provider, june 2011 - present
proficient in microsoft office, microsoft windows, computer hardware and software troubleshooting
peer advisor, representative and ambassador for kingsborough college, may 2009 - september 2011
completed exploring transfer program at vassar college, summer 2009 is this significant?
education
bachelors of science in nursing - city university of new york: college of staten island - in progress
expected date of completion: june 2013
associates in applied science in nursing - city university of new york: kingsborough college - brooklyn, ny
dean's list, phi theta kappa international honor society, honors student, honors representative
high school diploma - james madison high school - brooklyn, ny hs grad is assumed when one has a college degree
advanced regents diploma, received certificate from united states marine corps for scholastic excellence
clinical experience
coney island hospital - brooklyn, ny
pediatrics, pediatrics ed, labor and delivery, nicu, post partum unit, medical surgical unit, micu, sicu, vent unit
va medical center - brooklyn, ny
medical surgical unit, radiation oncology, chemotherapy
lutheran hospital - brooklyn, ny
psychiatric unit, detoxification unit
menorah home and hospital - brooklyn, ny
long term care, wound care
experience overall, sounds more like job descriptions. focus on what you created, supervised, implemented.
kingsborough college - brooklyn, ny august 2009 - september 2011
office assistant for the college discovery program
* perform presentations, campus tours, workshops, orientations and other events
* create and design pamphlets, fliers, handbooks, applications, and forms
* answer telephones, direct calls and take messages
* compile, copy, sort, organize and file records, student statistics, and confidential information
* maintain and update filing, inventory, mailing and database systems
* communicate one-on-one with students to answer questions and concerns
* perform outreach to students via phone calls and mailings
private tutor - brooklyn, ny october 2004 - present
* prepare students of all ages for exams, guide with projects and homework assignments
* tutor students in biology, chemistry, history, math, nutrition, english, russian, spanish, and nursing
private child care provider - new york, ny june 2007 - august 2009
supervise the safety and activities of multiple children
prepare and serve nutritious meals
bathe and dress the children
provide safe outings for the children (trips to museum, playground, etc)
volunteer at new york community hospital - brooklyn, ny summer 2007
* assistant to the nurse supervisor. duties include creating excel spreadsheets, answering telephones, filing and translating
references available upon request
-----------------------------------------------cover letter---------------------------------------
jane smith, rn
176 redacted street, somecity, ny 10034
(123) 555-2355 | [email protected]
august 30th, 2011
to whom it may concern, your cover letter is your opportunity to brand your self & advertise your strengths. this is what catches the reviewer interest, but you only have a few seconds. i like bullet points myself. less wordy & to the point.
definitely include the language skills, and perhaps expand that to include experience in working with diverse populations, especially if those groups are within the hospitals target market. don't bury in a description of your usual student skills.
in june 2011, i graduated from the nursing program at kingsborough prepared to begin
my career as a registered nurse. recently i received my license in new york. i am currently
pursuing my bachelors degree in nursing at the college of staten island. i am interested in a
career at redacted hospital because i have heard many wonderful things over
the years from both peers and professors alike. further, working with patients from the local
community is very important to me. i would be able to enrich the lives of the very people i see in
line at the supermarket. for these reasons i believe that i am a great fit for redacted.
i thrive when i am faced with a challenge, especially in a fast-paced work environment.
for the past several years, i have worked in an office under numerous supervisors while
simultaneously earning my nursing degree. during my time there, i developed excellent multi-
tasking abilities. additionally, i learned to work with a variety of people and personality types
under varying circumstances. through my experiences in clinical rotations, i learned to adapt
quickly to situations, assess patients efficiently, accurately, respectfully, administer medications,
and function as part of a team. i have excellent computer hardware and software skills. i am a
fast learner and i enjoy learning new things and meeting new people. i speak fluent russian and
have a functional knowledge of spanish and ukrainian. i believe i would be an asset to your
team. i look forward to hearing from you.
thank you for your consideration.
sincerely,
jane smith, rn

RNCCMMS, RN · Aug 31, 2011

I agree with Mr ChicagoRN. The objective should always focus on what skill set you possess and how it will help the organization achieve its goals. A cover letter should focus on those aspects of the job for which you are applying that you meet-stress strengths. Know the hospital mission statement/vision/philiosophy and show how you would be an asset in helping them achieve their goals. If you received any recognition in previous jobs, include that.

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/719/1/has some excellent info on resumes.

Best of luck!

grace_device · Aug 31, 2011

Overall, I think it looks pretty good. I agree with a lot of what MrChicagoRN said.

My thoughts...

- add more detail to the clinical placements in the resume - what skills or experiences did she learn or have? How many pts was she responsible for? You don't need to add in everything, but highlight things that would be relevant for a new employer.

- for the non-clinical work experiences, she really needs to focus those duties on transferable skills. Look at some nursing job ads that are very descriptive for ideas. Did she work independently or in a team? Did she have tight deadlines to adhere to? Multiple priorities? Things like that are worth highlighting. Especially with the private tutoring role - patient education is important as a nurse, so she should expand on that.

- for the cover letter, the first paragraph is a bit unclear to me. She graduated from a nursing program, then got her license, and is now in her BScN? Is she wanting to work while doing her BScN or waiting until graduation? I would clarify that a bit. Maybe "I am a recent [degree] graduate from Kingsborough College and received by New York RN licence in June, 2011". Then near then end, add in "To further my education, I am currently enrolled in the BScN program @ College". Go on to explain why this continued education is important and why it makes her a more attractive candidate.

- "I am interested in a career at redacted Hospital because I have heard many wonderful things over the years from both peers and professors alike." - What wonderful things? Level of patient care? This would be a good place to tie in how she can contribute to the hospital.

Good luck!!

Grace

Wishinonastar, BSN · Aug 31, 2011

I agree that the objective sounds like it is all about you. I would move education and experience up and put the additional skills after. They don't contribute much. HR wants to be able to look at your resume fast. Short and to the point is better for you- if it is too wordy you may get tossed in the trash. Your letter is also a bit wordy. I would not take time to read it if I were looking at resumes.

They want to know your skills and experience, the rest will come out in an interview. Good luck to you.

billyboblewis · Aug 31, 2011

It is confusing when you list experience in many areas at various hospitals with no dates when you are also listing employment in various jobs with dates back to 2004. Are you just telling where you did your clinicals?

I agree that the resume should be shorter and to the point.

In my opinion it is more important to get out on the street and start putting in applications in as many places as you can that you may be interested in. Let the people in HR and nurse recruiters and supervisors actually see you. It may sound trite but get your face in the place.

acr2001 · Sep 1, 2011

Thanks for all of the tips guys. We completely agree and are going to make all of those changes. This forum is extremely helpful!

Nurse Jelly · Sep 11, 2011

Hey could someone possibly help critique my resume/cover? :bowingpur

MrChicagoRN, RN · Sep 11, 2011

Hey could someone possibly help critique my resume/cover? :bowingpur

Sure.

Just start your own separate topic. It gets messy & confusing if you post yours on top of someone elses conversation

Nurse Jelly · Sep 13, 2011

hey Mr Chicago.. i started my own thread... could i possibly email you mine ? :nurse:

MrChicagoRN, RN · Sep 14, 2011

hey Mr Chicago.. i started my own thread... could i possibly email you mine ?

I believe you need 15 posts before you can send a private message.

Just post it up in your thread. Just make sure you take all the personal identifiers out to avoid spammers and stalkers.

I'll take a look at it then, ok?

Yvette2946 · Feb 15, 2012

Hello to everyone here on this site. I need some advice or feedback if anyone has the time to look at my cover letter that I just wrote. I am an RN graduate with no prior experience except 2 years working as a medical tech for the Navy. I feel like it is ok for a first draft but don't know if it is what a nurse manager or HR is looking for, any thoughts??? Thank you for taking the time. :)

Dear XXX:

I am writing you today because of my sincere interest in becoming a nurse on your Medical-Surgical floor at XXX hospital. After researching many different hospitals in southern Florida your hospital caught my eye because of "XXX".

I understand what it takes to be a successful nurse on a medical surgical floor and that is being able to prioritize, working with a multitude of patients, and being able to handle stressful situations with a clear mind. I know the importance of following protocol and working well with a team and within the chain of command. I have a sincere compassion for the wellbeing of my patients and a strong desire to not only learn but to eventually serve as a mentor and give back to others. What sets me apart from others is my strong work ethic, ambition, and drive for excellence which is why I believe I would make a valuable addition to your team.

I want to thank you for taking the time to consider me as a candidate at XXX and I look forward to following up with you next week.

Respectfully yours,

XXX