So I'm a second career nurse (never worked in health care before - in school I was working in former my career through school). I graduated in December, passed the boards in February and applied to every job possible. I was lucky enough to be accepted into a new grad residency program at a well known hospital out of state (and moved by myself over 600 miles from home). I was told the program would be a 12 week orientation with a preceptor, as part of the two year residency committment. Well I've worked about 4 weeks on busy med/sug floor with the same preceptor (so far I've worked 15 - 12 hour shifts), and I'm due to change preceptors soon). The problem is I feel like I'm drowning already. My clinical skills are week, and I'm pretty sure my preceptor thinks I'm stupid (as well as the other younger nurses on the floor). I'm full of anxiety all day long, and feelings of shame, and doubt. I cry almost daily, and feel like I will never get the hang of everything. I'm supposed to be taking care of 4 patients on my own now, but I'm still at 2, and still being told I'm too slow and my time management is not where it should be. Again, everything is completely new to me, and I thought the program would be more of a transitional period from school to RN (with more one-on-one assistance.) But I'm finding the expectations to be much greater and faster than I anticipated. Not to mention the fact that I'm really supposed to be on my own at 8 weeks, not at 12 weeks which is what I expected (and really feel I need more like 6 months). My NM said she wants me to be at the expected 4-5 patient level in about 2 weeks. All of this is completely overwhelming me and I feel like I won't be able to make it.I know people say the first year is the hardest and just push on through, but I feel sick to my stomach that I'm going to have a major screw up, due to rushing around or forget something pertinent. I'm wondering if it's worth it for me to continue in the program -considering the amount of stress and anxiety I'm experiencing (it just feels so wrong to me). And I don't want to work in an environment like this. I feel like I made a huge mistake in going into nursing. I don't like the responsibility of caring for people so sick when I feel so incompetent. And I know my preceptor and other younger nurses on the floor think I'm stupid. (I wish I could do PT - but the schooling takes so much longer and at my age I can't do that). With no acute care experience, where can I go to work as a nurse? I just don't want the pressure that I'm feeling..Any thoughts/advice to a struggling, extremely stressed and anxious second career nurse?
