New Grad, needing advice regarding work relationships

[illumi15]

Hello everyone,

I am a new grad nurse who just started on medical ward working for less than 2 months.

My preceptorship experience was on telemetry unit.

The biggest difference I found with medical unit when I started my new grad hours was that a lot of pts required assistance or total care whereas most of my pts were independent on tele unit.

I had a good preceptor as well as a mentor during my new grad hours. They all told me I am doing well. They suggested that I continue to work on speeding up on my workload but also reassured me not to get obsessed over it as this will come with experience and that I am at average new grad level.

I started to be on my own for about 2 weeks now.

One day while I was working, an experienced nurse that I was working with stopped me in middle of a hallway and told me in a loud criticizing tone "Come on, xxxxx! You need to speed up on your work!" while she smacked her hands together. I guess I was intimidated by her tone and unexpected behavior so I just apologized to her.

But as I reflect back this event, it makes me feel very uncomfortable and upset. First off, when she told me this, it was at 0830 am. We just finished a shift report at 0740. It hasn't been even an hour since I actually started my assessments. Also, one of my pts needed to go to the bathroom and she needed assistance. And she was slow. I couldn't say to my pt "I have to assess other pts. I will help you to the bathroom once I am done my assessments. But if you really have to pee before I return, you have the pad on so you don't have to worry about wetting the bed." Or should I have told my pt that?

Another thing that upset me the most was she said this to me in middle of a hallway where student nurses, patients and families members were present. I was so embarrassed. As I reflect back, I feel like she should be the one who should apologize to me.

Then the next day, I needed to put foley catheter in to an elderly woman. I have never catheterized a female before. Another RN who graduated about a year ago tried to help me when she found out this was my first time. We were both unsuccessful, so I called that same nurse for help as she had more experience. When I did, she sighed audibly and said "Fine, I'll be there." in a very exasperated manner. But as she tried to guide me through, she said "Yeah right there! Push it! Push harder! You need to push it! I said push it!" with frustrated groans and sighs between those phrases. And when she herself tried it, she couldn't push it in herself because it turned out it wasn't urethra. She eventually was able to catheterize my pt after multiple attempts.

Afterwards she told me in a calm manner "Elderly women are hard to catheterize. Their urethra can be anywhere." I knew this because I heard this countless times during my schooling, but coming from her it sounded like nothing but an attempt to cover herself after guiding me to a wrong hole and then getting frustrated over it. The other nurse who tried to help me pulled me aside later and told me "Don't take what she says personally. She's a bit dense."

I know one can't please and get along with everyone. I know every situation is different but should I put up with this and try to get along? Am I being overly sensitive? As I reflect back, I feel like I should have told her that she should have pulled me aside somewhere more private to have that conversation with me and not in middle of a hallway, and I am also trying my best to keep up with the workload.

That nurse has worked at the hospital for years and I feel like if I say something back to her next time this happens (which is very likely from what I heard from the other nurse) that she would be upset and start to say bad things about me to everyone else. I got a casual position and eventually want to get a full/part-time position as well as get a specialty education funded by the hospital (which requires recommendations from managers and some staff) so I am worried that my action might impact this in the future. But I am also worried that being so apologetic to her will encourage her to do this to me every time. I have worked with her before during my preceptorship but she has never behaved like this in front of other more experienced nurses and for sure while I had my preceptor and mentor with me.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

One day while I was working, an experienced nurse that I was working with stopped me in middle of a hallway and told me in a loud criticizing tone "Come on, xxxxx! You need to speed up on your work!" while she smacked her hands together. I guess I was intimidated by her tone and unexpected behavior so I just apologized to her.

Do not apologize to people who are behaving inappropriately. Now that you apologized to her, she will likely escalate her behaviors in the coming weeks because she knows that you are easily intimidated.

If someone were to loudly tell me to speed up in front of patients, families and colleagues, I would tell her to her face that she's being inappropriate. Have you ever heard the phrase "Praise in public and criticize in private"? If she had criticisms, she needed to express them to you behind closed doors. Expressing them out in the open was uncalled for.

You cannot make everyone like you, but you can teach people how to treat you. I do not particularly care if someone dislikes me, but we will respect each other while we are at work together. Finally, if you are not doing anything wrong, do not apologize. By apologizing, you are ceding your personal boundaries and power to rude coworkers.

Good luck to you!

[Graduatenurse14]

I am sorry that this happened to you. I know that I would've apologized too! But in reality, she owes you an apology. I would just ignore the last incident as there will be more rudeness from her in the future and you are now ready for her.

No apology (unless deserved). Anything but praise for you will be discussed in private place which you will invite her to right then. If she declines (they like an audience most of the time), then you stand up to her with all the graciousness and professionalism you have and tell her that you won't be spoken to or treated that way.

You might even offer a later time to meet with her to discuss the problem she is having with you. She'll likely decline that too as it probably isn't valid anyway as it isn't about making you a better nurse or patient safety. She's just scratching that itch that bullies have to bully and be off.

[anh06005, MSN, APRN, NP]

Sometimes people also over dramatize things thinking it's funny (just another side of the coin). I would make those remarks to my friends or family (or other coworkers depending on their humor). BUT it depends on the person I'm dealing with.

NOT trying to defend this nurse (as I am always professional around new people) but maybe she THINKS she is funny when, in reality, she doesn't quite get how she is perceived.

That's just my humor though. I always give my friends a hard time and they return the favor. We try to out do each other.

If other nurses say to ignore her I say try to do as they say. They have obviously dealt with her much longer than you have and know her track record.

Hope it gets better for you! Just do you and know that experience counts for a LOT in your first year or two!!

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

Do not apologize to people who are behaving inappropriately. Now that you apologized to her, she will likely escalate her behaviors in the coming weeks because she knows that you are easily intimidated.

If someone were to loudly tell me to speed up in front of patients, families and colleagues, I would tell her to her face that she's being inappropriate. Have you ever heard the phrase "Praise in public and criticize in private"? If she had criticisms, she needed to express them to you behind closed doors. Expressing them out in the open was uncalled for.

You cannot make everyone like you, but you can teach people how to treat you. I do not particularly care if someone dislikes me, but we will respect each other while we are at work together. Finally, if you are not doing anything wrong, do not apologize. By apologizing, you are ceding your personal boundaries and power to rude coworkers.

Good luck to you!

Well said.

Having intellectual, matter of fact comebacks/responses does take some time to hone; you know that when she may say something regarding you performance or whatever, you can always state, "I'm SURE you were a newbie once; I'm learning the ropes and will get it" or something that you feel comfortable with to let her know that you will respond and will not back down to her overcompensation or whatever mere mortal issue she is afflicted with.

Best wishes!

[illumi15]

Thank you all for your reply. I really appreciate it. It makes me feel I am heard and that I am overly being sensitive. I will try my best to stand my ground and for sure won't apologize in a situation like this again! Thank you again! I feel very supported!