New Grad Feeling Stressed & Insecure bc of Mother

[rollieem]

[color=#454545]hello all! so i just wanted to vent out my frustrations here. i have just recently graduated nursing school and i couldn't be happier. it took me five grueling years of hard work and sacrifice to get this bsn, but i finally did it. of all the people in my life to bring me down from this amazing high; i never expected for it to be my own mother. she mentioned today how she's happy for me but it's 'too bad' i failed one of my nursing classes last year (causing me to graduate in five years instead of four). the word 'failed' conjures so many emotions of pain, embarrassment, and unworthiness. she made my life a living hell after i failed my fundamentals/med-surg class. she kept saying how i was too laxed and never took my studying seriously when in fact i did (i missed the passing grade by just 1 point). i cried for days and her constant talk of failure just brought my self esteem down to another level (i even had to see a psychologist to help me cope with my depression). though nursing wasn't my true passion from the start, i worked hard that semester to please my parents. i was then given a choice to continue nursing school or transfer to culinary school (my first love,haha), but i decided that i already made it too far into the program to give up and that i wanted to prove to them and most importantly to myself that i could graduate from nursing school and learn to love it.

[color=#454545]retaking that class second time around was life-changing. for the first time everything clicked and made sense! i understood lectures that were discussed in class and actually enjoyed them (well some, haha) , i was able to think critically and pass my exams, i had an excellent clinical instructor and looked forward to my clinicals every week (first time around my clinical instructor was so negative and nasty). in some way, i really do feel like failing that class was a blessing in disguise. [color=#454545]

[color=#454545]basically, my mother's not so motivating and supportive attitude brings out my insecurity. i was feeling positive and staring to prepare to start studying for the nclex when this happened. any advice/words of encouragement to help motivate me again?

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[color=#454545]ps: i have a wonderful and loving mom, she just isn't great at expressing herself and censoring hurtful and negative things she says to my brother and i. i have told her several times that her saying these negative things hurts our feelings. she just brushes it off like it isn't a big deal

[morte, LPN, LVN]

you need to set boundaries. I presume that you are still living in her house, so it will not be easy. But....it is part of growing up.

when she starts, you need to politely/respectfully tell her you will not listen to her negativity. She may well be trying to provide encouragement in the only way she knows. Were her parents similarly behaved? I she won't stop, leave her presence.

[Merlyn]

Tell Mama to take a hike. who care how long it took you. You have your BSN now! Tell mom to get over it.

[TopazLover, BSN, RN]

I am a firm believer in When you ____, I felt____ statements.

Not when she says these put downs, but over a cup of coffee or another calm moment say:

"I when you bring up my past failure at one nursing class I feel very hurt and shamed. I want you to know I gained a great deal by repeating that class. While you see it as proof I was a poor student I used it to become a very good nurse. Now I am studying for the big test to show I know enough about nursing to do the job. I would appreciate your support. One thing I want is for you to stop reminding me of my past failure. I have had many successes since then. I need you to remind me to eat properly while I am studying. I want you to tell me every day how proud you are that I did not quit when things were hard for me. Remind me of my successes."

"Please help me by doing these things."

"I love you and need your support, but I can't handle your put downs. If you start to talk like that in the future I will not accept it. "

Best wishes. Many of our greatest successes come following a tough time. You have learn a great deal from your tough time. Keep learning and growing.

[ddunnrn]

One of the things I have embraced most in my years of nursing, especially as a psych nurse, is using my own experiences to help me in dealing with my patients. Maybe in the future you will use your natural empathy and understanding when one of your patients is crabby or hostile, and you will remember how you once felt about certain experiences. You might realize that every experience you survive is not only a gift, but a tool to help you in caring and problem-solving. I also have always appreciated that all of my interests, hobbies, and experiences are useful in nursing as bridge-builders. Good Luck!

[ddunnrn]

Oh, and I forgot---tell mommy that you got 100% in the pharmacy course about undetectable poisons!!

[rollieem]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice! I am feeling so much better now and motivated! She hasn't said anything negative to me lately, but I will make sure to have a serious talk with her if it does happen again.