Need to vent!

[Txnursegal78]

I'm sorry, guys. I just feel the need to vent about the cost of all this treatment and being in the program for recovery. I'm going through a very bad divorce in which I still don't have any visitation rights to see my child after 19 months sobriety. My ex is a family and divorce attorney who is hell-bent on taking my daughter away from me entirely even though nothing happened. He didn't know I was using, I asked for help- my mistake- and self reported and self enrolled. I lost everything in the process of getting the help I needed. All I was left with was the week's worth of clothes I took to rehab. My ex kicked me out of my home and I resigned from work. In 19 months I have had to totally rebuild my life from the ground up. I have to pay a copay every time I walk in the door of my treatment center, I have to pay to travel out of state and $75 every time I'm allowed a one hour supervised visit with my daughter which is twice a month, and I pay $60 a pop for TPAPN drug tests when I'm randomly selected. I'm flat broke and got selected Monday and again today, lost an hour and a half of pay on Monday having to leave work and get tested. I've had to use credit cards for payment now. I know I brought all this on myself, but sometimes I feel like three years is just too damn long! With a divorce, treatment, and monitoring program I am struggling financially. I know that I can't blame my problems on my ex husband, but it's amazing how my depression and need to self-medicate suddenly went away once I got away from him and out of that horrible abusive marriage. In other words, I don't feel like three years is necessary for me. Oh, and I also failed to mention the $1200 vivitrol injections I get monthly even after way over my one year mark because my addictionologist feels I shouldn't stop taking it until the divorce is further along despite three nurse practitioners that administer it to me saying it's no longer necessary. Several months of those I am still paying off out of pocket entirely due to problems with Cobra at the beginning of last year. So I have overdue pharmacy bills in the thousands! Uuuuuuuuughhhhhh! I just want to cry.

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

It's hard but I'm here to say that it's definitely doable. You have a job? That is awesome! You get to see your child, awesome! You're clean and sober, awesome!

Now, would you want to give any of this up and go back to using your drug of choice? Do you still want to be a nurse?

You've got to trek through all of this to get yourself better. You can do it, try to think of the positives that are going to come out of all this. Hang in there.

[TXRN2]

Txnursegal78: Yeppers, it is hard! But, if this is what you truly want, you have no choice other than to comply. Just continue to put one foot in front of the other, & do the next right thing. Try not to look at the whole big picture- just the next thing you have to do. Yes, three years is a long time- & the program is very costly, but the 3 years will fly by- believe it or not! Hang in there- soon it will all become routine. Do not allow yourself to wallow in the "what-ifs"! & don't let anything be bad enough to pick up or use again!

[Oogie]

Sometimes its hard to count your blessings. Especially when you see so many negative events around you. This is when its time to dig deep and stay on coorifice, for the ultimate goal of living a healthy sober life. Leave the past behind you, and the future is not here yet! Focus on what you can do today. Count the blessings you have today. Give an act of kindness, (its good Karma). Oh and go ahead and give yourself a really good cry, its good to release those feelings. ...Peace...

[gabby3]

I know it sucks. At least it is only 3 years. I started in california in 2006, moved to florida, had to start florida program 5 years.

This is my 10th year of being monitored.

Every year they add more requirements. Have 1.5 years left. Get tested 2 x a month at 53$ , every 3 months a 150$ special test

You can do it its only 3 years out of your life

Gabby

[SororAKS, ADN, RN]

Gabby

FL wouldn't take any of the previous monitoring you had done in CA?

[dec2007]

And this is EXACTLY why people are afraid to ask for help when they need it!

God bless you!! Keep your chin up! PM if you need to talk! Hugs!

[gabby3]

To SororAKS , no most of the time when you change states you have to start there program.

It depends on the state

Gabby

[jdub6]

I remember so many times feeling that the financial burden made recovery so much harder. I still feel that way sometimes.

My monitoring was a five year contract but the actual contact was delayed so i was doing the testing and appointments for several additional years. I spent at least 30 grand. I was unemployed for a year. My credit is still destroyed (had been perfect). I am in a debt management program slowly paying off the credit card debt. I am paying the bare minimum monthly to about a dozen medical providers.

Is it stressful? Yes sometimes absolutely. But i successfully completed monitoring (i choose to go majorly into debt to pay off the program fees to be allowed to finish and i do not regret that although it financially will impact me probably for a couple decades), am employed and can get a new job anywhere, my family life is improved, i am a strong person through recovery-i can be ok even if i am not happy about my financial position-and life goes on.

That's the biggest thing. Life goes on. Many of us have been there and survived. Unfortunately we have a disease that caused us to put our careers and livelihoids and lives at risk and thankfully there are ways for us to get a second chance but unfortunately it comes at great cost financially and other ways. But it is better than the alternative and so we keep at it. I'm so sorry you are feeling hopeless right now- i believe you will get through this with your relationship with your child and your career intact and eventually you will be financially stable if not totally comfortable.