Need to Vent: Slow and Stupid NG

[Little_Mouse]

This is just a vent. Pardon if some things make no sense. It's 1AM and the eyes and mind are tired.

It's been over an hour since I got off work but I'm still getting over the stress from today. Breathing slowly and deeply doesn't seem to help since my heart feels like it's still racing.

1 week orientation in Med/Surg. 2 weeks and 1 day orientation in Gero-Pysch floor (my designated unit). Yes, pt's are less acute than in other floors, but we do get pts with IVs, foleys, etc...it's Gero/Psych with a slight mix of Med/Surg. Have only 2 CNAs on the floor (one of them being on 1:1 with a pt), the RNs also must help clean, feed and transfer their pts.

Just completed day 2 of being on my own. My heart races every time I get on the unit. I don't need coffee; The stress fuels me for the shift.

I feel so incompetent, so slow and so stupid. Had 2 discharges today, but forgot to do so many things...DC VS, this and that paperwork. I had help from other nurses, but what if I had to do this alone? I couldn't do it alone--I know I'd still be at the unit catching up with charting right now. I feel so stupid, having a hard time prioritizing and organizing. I'm constantly apologizing to the other nurses...thanking them for their help, but also apologizing about me being slow and constantly asking for help. I feel very stupid having to ask questions...and some of the same questions.

And I feel stupid even bringing this up. I'm reading this and thinking that I must be dumb because I'm working on a unit with less acute pts but I can't even do things on time and do things right without asking for help. I feel that at this rate, I'm probably not even fit to work in Med/Surg (where I'd like to be).

I'm too afraid to ask for more orientation....I'm afraid it'll show the DON that I'm slow. Orientation went fine and I thought I could handle things on my own. But orientation was much different, considering I was more like the helping hand than actually the nurse controlling what needs to be done.

The paperwork really bogs me down...there is so much to know and remember. I'd hate to get written up for a missing form or signature....then there are the meds. God I wish I was a drug book and knew each one! But I forget meds and don't really have any time to look them up at all... and my mind goes blank on the simplest things too. I study meds when I get home, but when I'm on the floor it's like my mind has to work harder to recall something and I draw blanks a lot. That reminds me of giving report too. I fumble over my words and not sure what to say and get so disorganized when giving report (especially to another nurse on a different unit if a pt is going to be transferred, or to a transporter). Just today the nurse on a med/surg floor where my pt was being transferred asked me if I was from registry. I'm not sure if from their experience that registry nurses sound as lost and disorganized as I did, but that's what I'm thinking...I felt so embarrassed...and going back and forth to the med/surg floor because I forgot this paperwork or this med for the pt.

So tired and frustrated with myself. I look at another new grad, but she's been working there for almost a year but she said she got the hang of things pretty quickly. Maybe it's her previous LVN experience. Then, maybe for me it's the lack of any nursing experience...or am I just really that slow and stupid?

I also wonder what the other nurses must say to each other since I'm afraid they'll be venting about me and what I've done wrong so far...

Just needed to vent. It feels a lot better getting it off my chest.

[libbyjeanne]

You are not stupid.

Being a new grad is a scary thing. I have been on a M/S floor since June and I still ask questions every day.

It's only your second day of being on your own! Give yourself time. Learn from your mistakes. You will get the hang of it. Also the other new grad with LVN experience...she has had experience that you have never had. She had been able to develop routines you have never gotten the chance to do, and see things that you haven't had the chance to see. Don't compare yourself to others, because everyone is different and everyone learns differently.

Stick with it. It was only your second day.

[Michelle123]

The main thing that changed for me, was when I sat back and watched the other nurses. I listened to them in handover, and on the floor and I heard things like, "Oh I forgot to do that" or "I can't read my writing it is something about this" in handover. As I saw the other much more experienced nurses fumble through a handover, lose their handover sheet, forget to do something, or whatever I realised that it wasn't just me, and it wasn't just because I was a new grad.

It's just that we as NG's are so focused on what we are doing, that we feel that everything we are doing is being watched. The biggest thing I have decided to do is go easy on myself. I'm strill trying just as hard, but I don't apologise for it anymore. I thank people for their help. You will see other nurses help each other, they do on my ward.

One thing I don't rush is meds. Can you take your med book with you as you go? Particularly if you are giving out antihypertensives or whatever.

You will get better, it just takes time. You will have bad days, but they will reduce in number. You will probably always have those days, even nurses that have been there for years do.

Take care of yourself, and be gentle on yourself.

[NurseThis21, BSN, RN]

Hello There!

First thing's first:

You should not call yourself slow and stupid. You're going to have enough people doing that for you even though it's not true. If you need to take some time out to figure out what it is that you need to make you feel more comfortable on the unit then do so. Do you need a pocket drug book? How about a brain sheet to prioritize your duties? Do you need to come in a little early to calm down and focus on what it is that you need to accomplish? Whatever it may be, I'd suggest you find out because if you don't know what it is that can help you, then no one else can.

Second:

Never be afraid to ask your supervisor for an extension. You are NEW to nursing and therefore need as much guidance as possible. You can bash as many nursing books across your forehead, but if you don't put it into practice then it's just words. Who cares if so and so graduated at the top of her class with honors and whatever else. If you don't know how to use your hands and mind and put it all together then just forget about it. Let your supervisor know and you will see that it's towards your benefit. Sure, they may get cranky, but hey, that's one less potentially error-prone nurse they have to worry about!

Third:

Do not compare yourself to others. It only makes you feel worse and last time I checked, you're not in that other nurse's body, so why care about what they're doing? It's very easy for the new grad to lose focus and freak out about all the extra stuff around them; however, we end up losing sight of what's right in front of us ... THE PATIENT! Focus on them instead and do the best you can to make them feel better. Let the other nurses do what they need to do and observe. Take note if you see a good technique or practice and learn from them instead of secretly envying them. It's to your advantage and it'll help out in the end!

Fourth:

BREATHE! It's basically not fair for the patient to have a nurse who's twitching in the corner from stress! Put yourself together before you start your day and give credit to yourself for making it this far as a nurse! Yes, it's challenging; no one said it would be a cakewalk, but you really don't have to make a mountain out of this little nursing molehill. It's going to get better and hey! It's already great! Stay focused and enjoy this new experience! Not many people have the chance to do so!

Good luck!!!

[JenniferSews]

So tired and frustrated with myself. I look at another new grad, but she's been working there for almost a year but she said she got the hang of things pretty quickly.

First of all, DON'T believe everything someone tells you. Sure it's easy NOW, when she can look back on it. Plus like other posters said she did get experience you never had.

Second, the other posters are dead on. You're being too hard on yourself, for sure. You are a victim of the new economy. Once upon a time you would have had 12 weeks of orientation with a preceptor. Now you get thrown out there with the same orientation as a seasoned nurse. Hang in there, and good luck. It will be hard but you can succeed!

[Little_Mouse]

Thanks so much for the advice and encouragement. I'll take each of them to heart and try to not be so hard on myself. Comparing myself to others has always been a hard habit to break for me, but you're all right, there's no use...just focus on what is most important (the patient!) :)

Also, I think I'll be going to work just a few minutes early from now on to collect myself before shift begins. Thanks again so much! I really needed to get all that stuff off my chest.

[mustlovepoodles, RN]

You're not stupid, you're just new. Even experienced nurses feel slow when they start a new job. You've only been on the job for 3 weeks? That doesn't seem like much time to teach a new grad everthing they need to know to work independently. Kudos to you for asking for help. Keep asking, and don't spend anymore time thinking about "what if I was doing this on my own?" You're not. Keep asking for help. Talk to your nurse manager and tell her that you need more time orienting. I'm sure she'd rather hear it now than wish you had told her later. Don't worry about what the other nurses are thinking--you can't control it and really, their thoughts are none of your business. Let it go. And next time you work, order pizza for everybody.