Need some support

ladydame · Feb 25, 2006

I have plenty of support from my fiance, friends, and family, and even my preceptor. I don't like having the 1 hour commute, and I just simply don't like the unit. I want something I can interact with my patients and their families. I did a med-surg preceptorship for my last semester in school and I didn't realize it then, but I really liked the patients, the staff, and the hospital. In fact, the hospital is 5 min. from my house. They pay more and I felt like I fit in. I mean I don't have another shift until next Thursday and I already dread every damn min. up until that point. Hopefully the hospital here in my hometown will call me and I will hopefully have a position within a week or two. I don't even know if I want to go back to my unit. I need the money and that's my only motivation and in my opinion that's the wrong motivation. It's not me. I'm everyone's keeper and that's what I enjoy doing so for me to care about nothing but the money is odd. I think there were signs and still are. i'm trying to listen to my heart and it's telling me to stay around home and try until I find something that I love. Thanks for all your support.

grentea · Feb 25, 2006

Ladydame- I started out on a rough unit in a city hospital when I first graduated from nursing school all of six months ago. I was there for about two months before I was aware of the fact that I needed a change and I was completely miserable. My coworkers were simply amazing nurses and people always helped each other out, but I just knew I was on the wrong unit, probably in the wrong hospital too. I couldn't sleep, I was a nervous wreck even when my shift was over, and I cried a lot too. I dreaded going into work. and I thought I didn't want to be a nurse anymore. I decided to apply to the oncology unit at a nice little suburban hospital, and so far, I love it. I feel like I can really get to know my patients and oncology is really where I belong. I knew a lot of nurses who had long, happy careers at this hospital too, as opposed to my old hospital where the turnover (at least on my unit) was pretty high. I am so happy that I love what I do now, and that I want to get up in the morning and go to work. Let us know how you are doing!

NicuNightRN · Feb 25, 2006

I think that being a new grad is quite an adjustment, and takes some getting used to. But at the same time, if you know you are not happy, and don't see that changing soon, I think it would be best to you to find another position, as long as nothing is tying you to your current one. I started as a new grad in June, and it was quite an adjustment for me, and most of my classmates from nursing school have had the same kind of experience.

You're in a NICU and you find it boring?? I have some nights that are boring...but for the most part, I am sooo busy giving meds and drawing labs and feeding the babies q3h...plus there is a lot of interaction with the parents on this unit (more than the one during my NICU clinical in school in a different hospital).

If you're not doing something you love, by all means find something you DO love...there are so many options in nursing, that you're bound to come across something that is perfect for you!!!

christvs, DNP, RN, NP · Feb 27, 2006

I don't think it's the hospital setting. I enjoy being in a hospital and want to work at one no more than 15 miles from my house. By the time I get up, commute, get report, commute home I've just put in a decent 14-15 hour day. I can't do it. I called in today I didn't want to go so bad. I cried all last night about it and my fiance said if you don't call in and relax for a day then I'm calling in. Between my fiance and my good nursing friends from school I have a lot of support. My friend works at the same hospital just a different unit and told me that we work too hard to be miserable. I'm in the process of setting up an interview with a local hospital today. Hopefully, I'll be able to get the job and start there within the next two weeks. I can't just quit now, because every bill I have is past due, so I need to keep working to help pay for that and my wedding. I just want to be happy and entirely closer to home. I realized yesterday working that I miss talking to patients. I'm currently in the NICU and it's so BORING and QUITE! I love talking to patient's and their families and being able to interact with them. Hopefully the lady will call me back today and I'll have an interview on Monday or Wednesday. Thank you for all the forums support and wish the best of luck to the rest of you. I'll keep you posted.

Wow, no wonder you are stressed out. What a long day you have between working and commuting. It sounds to me like you would be happier working closer to home. Is there another hospital near where you live? It's hard enough being a new nurse & if you add other stressors to the mix, well, it sounds like too much to deal with. Good luck with what you decide to do. :)

ladydame · Feb 27, 2006

GREAT NEWS!!!! I just came from the local hospital which is 5 min. from my house, they interviewed me, offered me the job, and said they would pay all $5000.00 of my contract and I can start Monday. This hospital has a residency program where I rotate through different floors until I find something I like. I'm so excited and feel that I can breathe. Your support has been fantastic. I have to call my current hospital and tell them I quit. I just don't know how to go about doing it. I'll figure it out. I just am so happy that I'm home now and can find myself as a nurse.

Thanks again!!!!!!

pie123 · Feb 28, 2006

ladydame,
im going throught the same thing. i cry almost after every shift, have nightmares when i sleep, have trouble sleeping, and think of work almost all the time and dread the thought of going back to work the next day! i am a nervous wreck! not a normal thing definitely. crying helps a little just to get off some emotions. talking to friends and other nurses help a great deal. find someone who can nurture you and can be counted on for love and support. focus on what your doing good rather than the weakness. just hang in there if leaving is not an option for u yet. i have to toughen it out because i have immigration issues that wont let me leave yet. i know in my unit, nurses never stay long. the other new grad i oriented with is planning to leave. another orientee is also thinking of going back to her country. i mean its that bad that new nurses are thinking of leaving a career here. so yes, new nurses do leave until they find a comfortable place they can work in. i try to get support from anywhere i can, even the forums! spoil yourself and do lots of fun things, like one said. i hope it gets better for us. but feel better, u are not alone!

I go through the same things. I was told that these things are normal and that most new grads experience this. I was also told that the first year is the most difficult. I cannot see myself having these feelings for one year. I am the 'newest' nurse on my unit. There is not much support, except, "You're doing fine, don't quit." My former preceptor is very supportive, but she is also struggling with depression due to leaving her old job to come here and work. She is just not happy working on this unit. So I don't want to burden her with my rants about work. I have a 2 year contract (as does my former preceptor), so if I leave, I have to pay back probably $6500 at this point. I am going to try to stick it out for one year. After that I would like to leave and just deal with paying back whatever is left.

But I wonder if part of my anxiety is over the fact that I am new and scared. I don't know. Take care.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Feb 28, 2006

FWIW, it's not just you 'newbies' who get scared and disillusioned and depressed when a job goes bad or isn't a good fit. I'm an RN with almost 9 years experience under my belt who left my med/surg job last year, without anything lined up and with a husband who was also out of work........that's how unhappy I was.:stone

I'd actually been unhappy for many months before this, but it wasn't until after a string of illnesses, injuries, surgeries, and hospitalizations had landed me on the boss's 'brown' list that I began to realize that I needed to make a change. Finally, one day it all ended.......I was suddenly overcome by an anxiety so severe that I couldn't even imagine going back out on that floor. I have never in my life been unable to tough something out, but it was as if a tiny but very sure voice inside my head was saying to me, "What are you killing yourself for? Get the :devil: out of there!!" So I did...........I put in my resignation that very afternoon, used up the last of my FMLA to cover the two weeks notice I should have given, and never went back.

Now, in retrospect, I realize just how desperate the situation was for me to walk away from a $30-an-hour job with great benefits, seniority (I had just under five years in), and security nine days before Christmas, without even a prospect of another position and knowing my health insurance would run out in less than a month. And things have admittedly been tough, with the family trying to survive on half the income we're used to.......but if I had it to do over again, I would have done the same thing.

I'm telling you all this story in the hope that any nurse who is unhappy with their job will know that it IS okay to get out, that they don't have to put up with lousy working conditions or sniping co-workers or bad management. It's better to choose your employer wisely so that you don't end up in this position, but sometimes things happen at work that are out of your control and change what may have once been a pleasant environment into the workplace from Hell. :stone

NurseEcho · Feb 28, 2006

I haven't really seen this brought up here, and by no means am I trying to be an armchair diagnostician, but I really think it would be a good idea for anyone in the situations described to be screened for depression. When I'm reading about things like crying all the time, a sense of hopelessness, sleep disturbances ... it sets off a red flag. Crying can be a great venting mechanism, but crying all the time is NOT normal.

And if one is truly clinically depressed, moving on to a different job is not going to change that underlying reality. It may even make it worse by having to go through multiple transitions with the stress of having to get used to a whole new environment over and over again.

Most employers (at least in my experience) have EAP (Employee Assistance Programs) that offer some number of confidential counseling sessions at no charge to the employee. Sometimes it just takes an hour or two of talk therapy to get a "mental tune-up." An astute NP or MD should also be able to pick up on a real problem and medicate if necessary.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was seriously contemplating quitting my dream job because it held no pleasure for me and I was in a spiral of negativity regarding having to work night shift. Thank God I go me to both an MD and a psychologist. I am now taking Effexor, and if feels as if the fog of hopelessness that was paralyzing my brain lifts a little more every day. Talk therapy has helped me recognize destructive thoughts and not let them take control. And I am finally sleeping. Sleep is not optional.

Yes, there are toxic jobs, and sometimes there is no choice but to get away from the situation. But there is no "perfect" job, and it can be well worth looking within to see where those feelings of dissatisfaction are coming from.

IMO we as nurses owe it to our patients to take care of ourselves. Yes, deal with the situation, but sometimes a change of scenery isn't enough to fix the underlying issues -- and there is no shame in that.

ladydame · Mar 2, 2006

NurseEcho............thanks for worrying, but I've been depressed and treated and this was totally different. In fact this situation wasn't even similar. I wasn't happy with that job!!! I quit yesterday. I have to fill out a resignation form somehow, but ever since I made the decision, I haven't cried, have slept better, feel that I can breathe and go on with my life. I felt like I was stuck. Now the hospital is being pushy to me, but I feel 100% better than just being there and going through the motions and not really caring about my patients. By no means am I depressed I just hated my job!

NurseEcho · Mar 2, 2006

NurseEcho............thanks for worrying, but I've been depressed and treated and this was totally different. In fact this situation wasn't even similar. I wasn't happy with that job!!! I quit yesterday. I have to fill out a resignation form somehow, but ever since I made the decision, I haven't cried, have slept better, feel that I can breathe and go on with my life. I felt like I was stuck. Now the hospital is being pushy to me, but I feel 100% better than just being there and going through the motions and not really caring about my patients. By no means am I depressed I just hated my job!

I am very glad to hear that! Congratulations for taking control of this situation and doing what you needed to do.

I wish you all the best in your next job endeavor -- and please, do something nice for yourself, a massage or a nice dinner or whatever helps you relax and celebrate your freedom. You've earned it!

zacsmimi · Mar 6, 2006

Wow. What are we doing to these new nurses?? We need to look around, find one who is new - and offer support BEFORE she cries all the way home!! This is NOT OKAY that we are a helping profession and we arent taking care of our "young" !

justmanda · Jun 8, 2006

I posted an earlier thread about how I have been feeling. I just looked at my clock and realized it's 4pm and I have to work tomorrow and started crying. Is this normal and has anyone just picked up and changed hospitals before really getting comfortable? I just feel that I worked so hard to get my degree and license that if I'm not happy then I should fix it. Please, some kind words would be wonderful right now. :(

I cried my first two weeks as a nurse. Thought it was the worst mistake of my life. Nursing is a hard profession. You will be worked like a dog. But, after awhile, you'll get used to the workload and will be more comfortable with the environment, the people, the procedures, etc. After you reach a certain level of comfort, you will think more clearly and be more efficient. I work at two hospitals (just started a new one) and still cringe and sigh before I clock into the new place. I have said "I hate being a nurse" at least ten times to my husband in the last month. (btw, he pointed out that I always say it before I go in to the new place for a shift). So, in a way, I'm a new nurse again with all the insecurities that go along with being in an unfamiliar environment. I do see it getting better as I am getting more accustomed to the new hospital. It will get better for you with time. Unless your place is awful, I would stick it out long enough to see if the comfort factor is what is making you unhappy. If that's all it is, time will cure it.