need career advice

CarVsTree · Mar 3, 2006

I don't understand why, as a Per Diem RN, you feel obligated to solve their staffing problems. These same nurses that complain about you not being there, would they be appreciative of you supervising them?

How many hours are you willing to put in? Because sounds like they would need you FT.

I say keep your FT job and try picking up some OT. You'll make more with time and a half anyway.

Let them figure out their own staffing problems. They're grown ups.

SFCardiacRN · Mar 3, 2006

They want you to fill in on maternity leave because as a per diem, you'll be easier to get rid of when maternity leave is over.

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Mar 3, 2006

First, let me say that I feel your anger and your hurt. Been there, experienced that. Which is why I am going to say this next thing that I know you and a lot of others are not going to agree with. An attitude adjustment is needed here. Now, I'm not trying to be mean, but a couple of things you said stood out at me right away that indicate that you are only seeing things from your point of view and not allowing yourself to consider the feelings of others.

I feel that I do more than my share when I am there
the techs are almost all wonderful
I'm not going to think about my fellow nurses b/c I obviously don't know what they are thinking [about me]

What I think is the clincher though is how you express your feeling about "the nurse that seems to always be in charge, and knows it all. . ." Can you step back for a few minutes and think about those feelings and attitudes you have expressed in writing your post. It sounds like you against them. It sounds like you are at war, or at the least, in some kind of struggle or contest with all your co-workers. The resentment coming out of you was just screaming at me as I read your post. No wonder you want to leave this job. It sounds like you don't know anything about them and they don't know anything about you. The only things you two have in common is that you have found the negative parts in each other. How did that happen?

You can go ahead and quit this job and get another if you like, but my many years of experience tell me that these same issues will come up again and again until you are willing to honestly face what is going on, or until someone forces you to face it. Until then, you will find yourself involved in similar struggles at some of your future jobs and unable to fit in with the rest of the staff. None of us is better than anyone else on the team. If you make yourself unapproachable, argumentative, disagreeable or wall yourself off people will not tell you when you are not performing up to standard. They will bypass you and go to the boss because they just don't want to deal with that kind of behavior or they feel that you wouldn't appreciate their helpful efforts, so why bother. If you don't open yourself up and ask "am I doing this right? Is there some way I could be doing it better? How do you do this so efficiently?" you will never be granted entry to the inside tract with the other employees because they won't respect you. They will "see" you as looking down on them. As a new grad there is no way that in only 10 months out of school you can know more than the charge nurse or your boss--that's a fact. It's a hard pill to swallow, but most of the change has to be initiated and made by you, not them. Give yourself a little time to think on this and see if you can't come up with a list of things you could be saying and doing differently that would improve your work performance. Your relationships with your co-workers are not much different than what goes on between two people in a marriage. There has to be communication, respect and compromise by both parties or it just isn't going to work out.

And, just in case you think I'm being a pompous you-know-what, let me tell you that I approached a number of jobs as a new grad feeling an entitlement to be "in charge" since I was now an RN. And, had very similar things happen to me. I kind of laughingly call it the "oldest child syndrome" now, but it is no laughing matter and not appreciated by others outside my family as I found out the hard way. I am now more aware that I have a tendency to fall into this mode of behavior. No one told me when I was doing things wrong. I would find out when I was called into the boss' office and was told. This happened sporadically throughout the first half of my career and I've been at this for 30 years just to show you how stubborn I am. I would be PO'd that no one had the guts to tell me to my face. I would be angry at all of them. Some team members, I thought. It was always I, I, I! I'd quit and move on. That sure showed them! Actually, what it did was get rid of a problem (me) for them. Ultimately, I got tired of getting knocked down all the time and had the intelligence to finally figure out that what I hadn't been seeing was that (1) I was the one with the attitude problem (2) I had left no room in my world for anyone else's opinions or advice because, you see, I knew it all, and (3) I was my own worse enemy and was shooting myself in my own foot and blaming everyone else. But, I burned a lot of bridges getting to that wisdom, kiddo.

Here are my suggestions, since you asked. . .don't leave. The place has said they need you. That is so great to be in that position. I doubt very much that they would be saying that if they wanted you gone. Don't read ulterior motives into statements. That only plays cruel tricks on your own thinking and attitudes. Most co-workers just want to go to work, do their job and go home at the end of the day. They don't want conflict or to go out of their way to cause conflict to other co-workers. Work on opening yourself up to these people and finding things that are pleasant and positive about them, and here's the hard part, even if they don't seem to return that same behavior. Always demonstrate that you can be the better person behavior-wise. Ask co-workers you feel comfortable with for feedback about your performance and really listen to what they are telling you. Strive for perfection, but don't assume you are at that position for a long while to go. Take their advice and then ask them if you're doing better. If you open up to them and they see you are willing to listen, some (not all, let's be real) will become more honest and forthright with you which is what you want. Sometimes you have to go the extra mile to get things started. Don't lose sight of the fact that you are still a new RN and you have yet to pay your dues as far as the more seasoned nurses are concerned. You still need to be walking as if you are stepping on eggshells. This sounds like it has been a wonderful job for you so far. Believe me, there are many RN jobs where you would only be a body needed to care for patients and your feelings wouldn't be given a tinker's dam. Thanks for reading my nagging. Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do.

DCCCRNn2005 · Mar 3, 2006

I was in no way thinking that I wanted to be in charge, all I want is to go in, take care of the pt.'s and be done. I don't want to supervise (not ready yet) The only reason i put in the comment about the nurse that knows it all (whom i don't have a problem with) was that she is the main CN, but they all rotate. I may have a attitude problem, but it is not that I think I know more than anyone, or want to be in charge. I am approachable and very liked by my coworkers. I know this just sounds like I'm pouting and fighting back, but I'm not. I had to work down at Dialysis today (very hard to go in there, really didn't want to) I discussed my situation with the main CN, and she said that as far as she didn't feel that I wasn't doing my job, and she didn't know of anyone else whom did either. One of my techs told me she overheard one nurse talking bad about me to the manager yesterday. The same nurse I busted my tail to do all the work she should have done yesterday. From that and the other info I gathered I think this whole stink was her trying to cover for herself for things she didn't do completely right. (hmm I can just blame the one who is never here, and she won't be able to defend herself) Whether or not i'll stay is still up in the air. I don't really enjoy the work anymore, so i'm not giving 100%. This situation just pushed me right to the edge and helped me realize it. I'm sorry that my first post was so angry, I needed to vent. I also apploigize that i came across as a smarty-pants know it all. I just think that you should be nice to your prn help, b/c most of the time, they have a choice to help you or not.

SFCardiacRN · Mar 3, 2006

I think you have a right to vent here. I'm sensing more of an employment problem than an attitude problem. There are WAY too many good jobs out there to be in an unhappy situation. Take what you have learned, good and bad, from this job into your next, and hopefully better, job.

ERjunkie38 · Mar 5, 2006

Sounds like you are in a miserable situation. I sympathize, been there before. Get yourself out. There are plenty of other opportunities out there. You certainly don't owe anything to them. Something my mom always says seems appropriate here. "The place ran before you were there and will continue to run long after you are gone. Don't make yourself into a martyr." :nono: If you're just looking to pick up some extra money while your husband is in school, why not pick up some per diem shifts through a travel agency? Good money, and you don't feel guilty saying no. Just a thought. Hope all works out for the best.