Need Advice

catmom1, BSN, RN · Aug 14, 2010

hi what-a-web-

i would see if there is a nurses recovery group in your area. i do not recommend confessing anything to "the authorities" unless you want to stir up an endless hornet's nest.

you can confidentially call your state's nurse in recovery or licensee assistance program & ask about meetings for "a friend."

it sounds like you might be considering using again or even stealing meds from your place of work. don't do it!!!

i wish i would have had a place like this to go to before i got into trouble back in 2000.

best wishes & please come back & let us know how you are doing.

catmom :paw:

acravey · Aug 14, 2010

hi ladies!!! i'm new to this but the post @ recovery got my attention. i haven't practiced since 2003 and am just starting the process to re-enter nursing. what a nightmare!! can't find any info on where i can take refresher course. getting paperwork ready to send to board now. i had a problem with alcohol and other substances myself. almost got 5 yrs sobriety now. i personally am very active in 12 step program and it not only helps me stay sober but gives me a way to live. no professionals groups in my rural area but the standard 12 step program has helped me sooooo much. life is much better now and i miss nursing. havent worked in nsg for 7 yrs so i got a lot of catching up to do. no disciplinary action involved but i did have some legal issues. was allowed to resign job and i simply let my license lapse. would appreciate any hints on how to find out more about refresher courses in GA. hard to find out any details and state board wont tell me anything. said they would send a packet after i sent in reinstatement app. so glad to find this site. P.s. congrats on the sober time you have.

What-a-Web · Aug 14, 2010

Thanks for replying, I don't think I would steal any drugs from the hospital the drugs I done are not available at a hospital I never stolen anything before. I just don't want to relapse maybe from just seeing other drugs around I guess I have an addictive personality. I never been to a meeting or any kind and didn't know if I should go to prevent me from relapsing. I will check on. Groups available in my area, but with school,the new job and a family don't know where I would find some free time. I know I should have any excuses. Is it normal to still crave drugs after being sober 5 years and you know its wrong?

catmom1, BSN, RN · Aug 15, 2010

Is it normal to still crave drugs after being sober 5 years and you know its wrong?

You, my friend are "cruisin' for a bruisin'" if you don't get some help for your addiction(s). You will have it easy compared to most of us since you have no discipline against your license. I sure hope you don't come here to whine about how tough getting your license active is, because after what I've been through, I don't want to hear it. :mad:

If you "don't have time" to get help, then the consequences will most likely be dire.

Catmom :paw:

MizChelleRN · Aug 15, 2010

Hello WhataWeb and WELCOME!!!! You are among family here!!!

I commend you for your time clean. I know I could have never done it on my own. Pregnancy be damned, if you're sick enough. And be careful of statements like

"I don't think I would steal any drugs from the hospital the drugs I done are not available at a hospital I never stolen anything before."

I laughed right out loud, not AT you, but because I'm 10000000% sure that all of us diverters (is that a word?) would have said or believed that at some point in their lives. All those YETs....just means You're Eligible To. I never lived under a bridge or drank from a brown paper bag, but for me that was just a matter of time.

I also TOTALLY TOTALLY agree with this....

"I do not recommend confessing anything to "the authorities" unless you want to stir up an endless hornet's nest."

Good God, don't do that to yourself. I believe however, if you have any criminal background, including DUI, it may come to light in the licensing process. If your background is clean, this is perfect advice.

I am wondering what you believe AA meetings are all about. I smile because people who have never been to a meeting often have really strange misconceptions about the program, about the meetings, and the people who attend the meetings. I tell ya, I think they are FUN! Yes, they can get emotional, intense at times, but you will be AMAZED that people feel EXACTLY like you do, have done what you've done (and MORE) and can TOTALLY relate to anything you are going through. If I depended on my non-alcoholic friends and fam for my sobriety, I would feel so alien and out of touch, I'd surely be drunk or high again. I need my meetings, my sponsor, my network.

Here is a link to AA online...which is by NO MEANS a substitute for face to face meetings but may ease you into them... http://www.aaonline.net/

Here is how to find meetings in your area.... http://www.aa.org/lang/en/meeting_finder.cfm?origpage=29 Believe me, if you just walk into one and let someone know you're nervous and/or this is your first meeting, they will take you under their wing and guide you through the rest. I should say, that has been my experience. YMMV people are still people....if God forbid, you have a negative experience somehow, that is not what the program teaches us, find another meeting, DON'T GIVE UP.

You've had a period of what we in the program call "soDRYety" and if you're ready to try SOBRIETY, you'll find a new freedom and happiness you haven't known yet. And you'll develop those tools that will protect you in the future should you face temptations....I believe right now you are walking a thin line close to obsession to use again....you mentioned TRIGGERS ("sometimes I do something or smell or taste something and it reminds me of the drugs I dont know if this will happen while I am working.") When you work a solid program of recovery, you'll be relieved of those obsessions and those thoughts that bring you back to drinking or drugging.

PS....I gotta give you props for admitting you have alcoholic/addict tendencies...Some of us spend YEARS in the modality that we aren't like "those people"....I see alot of red flags in what you wrote, but I also see a lot of HOPE, a lot of humility and honesty, open-mindedness and willingness...well the willingness will come. You've already made a pretty big step coming here and joining us, asking the right questions!!!! Please let us know how you're doing!!!!! ~Michelle xo

What-a-Web · Aug 16, 2010

I just really want to say thanks again for your replies. I will look into were some meeting are and at least go to see if it does work for me. I have a great career ahead of me and I worked to hard to mess it up. I am lucky enough not to have a record and I been in plently situations were I probably should. I have learned a lot from reading these post and I will be strong and go and get some support. I will come back on here and let you guys know how it goes. I will start me job next week I am a extern with a great chance I will make the best of it.

all_over_again · Aug 16, 2010

A hospital is a drug buffet and you do not sound like someone who is ready to deal with it. Stay far, far away. It isn't a matter of being strong. We are all strong. Otherwise, we'd be probably dead. It is about recognizing your limitations at this point in your life and doing the right thing while you still have the capacity to do so.

PhoenixTech, LPN · Aug 16, 2010

Is it normal to still crave drugs after being sober 5 years and you know its wrong?

I remember when I first entered recovery. I spent a lot of time going back and forth between using and not using. I couldn't understand why it was so hard for me to stay clean once I came out of rehab. I remember the obsession to use riding me hard, then me going to use, then the shame and pity at the consequences. In the midst of going to meetings, some one shared that football players think about football, cooks think about food and addicts think about drugs. This simple statement meant that I didn't have to be ashamed when the thoughts of using plagued me. It was natural for me to be in that state, especially in early recovery. This allowed me to reach out for help more easily and helped me to overcome the shame and guilt of my thoughts of using.

Another thing that was key for me is 'give time time' and 'don't leave before the miracle'. As I kept coming, hours turned into days, into months and now into years. The obsession to use was lifted and now today, if I find myself having obsessive thoughts and drug dreams, I find a meeting quick, because it means that I have slacked off on my participation in my recovery. I get busy, mostly thinking of the stresses of my life, but if I don't continue with my program, I won't have a life to stress over.

Having thoughts of using is normal, however, they are far and few in between because I have a 12-step program that is spiritually based feeding me the good, and therefore pushing out the bad. Maybe this can work for you too. :)

jackstem · Aug 17, 2010

Hi What-a-Web,

You have made the comment about "being strong" several times. Getting clean and finding sobriety have nothing to do with strength of any kind (Not willpower, mental strength, physical strength, or any other kind).

You have a disease called addiction (chemical dependence is more clinically accurate and much less judgmental). You are not a weak person trying to become strong. You're not a bad person trying to become good. You have an illness and the target organ is the brain. As a result of your genetic makeup and environmental exposures along with inadequate or inappropriate coping mechanisms, your disease was triggered. The cues and cravings are a result of the altered brain chemistry and structure resulting from chemical exposure and your genetics. Simply abstaining from use doesn't help you recreate brain pathways, which is what therapy and practicing new coping skills assist with. Not understanding the disease process and how it alters brain chemistry/structure means it's difficult to seek the appropriate help and to recognize the need for that help. One thing I've learned in 20 years of struggling with this disease, the first 5 years trying to prove to myself that I didn't rally have it (and relapsing, almost committing suicide and accidentally overdosing) before finally realizing I DID have it and I needed help to get into remission and stay there.

You cannot recover alone. You need help...whether it's the help of AA or NA or Women in Sobriety or going to treatment and then attending support groups...you can't do this alone. Even if you were Arnold, Sylvester, and Superman rolled into one person, you will never be "strong enough" to recover on your own. That doesn't make you weak, stupid, or "less than" anyone else. It means you recognize this disease will kill you if you don't get the help that's available.

Contact a treatment facility, AA, NA, or the nursing association in your state and ask for help...anonymously. If you aren't sure who to call, then follow this link, click on your state, and call the peer advisor(s) listed. No, you might not be a CRNA, but they will help you if you tell them you're a nurse and you need help.

If you try to do this alone, and/or you attempt to try to work in a hospital without a solid program of recovery with a strong support system, you are definitely heading for tough times. Your children deserve a healthy, clean and sober Mom. YOU deserve to be clean, sober, and healthy as well. Anything you put before your sobriety you'll eventually lose.

You are among family here. We've been where you are and we can help you get to where we are...keep coming back. We love you and want you to be happy and healthy!:redbeathe:up:

Jack

acravey · Aug 17, 2010

more power to you if you can stay clean without help. however, i have comfort in knowing that there are lots and lots of others just like me that i can reach out to whenever i have any of those old thoughts or old behaviors rearing their ugly heads. to me, true sobriety is a lot more than just staying what we call "dry" and just simply not drinking or using. its a way of living: every day life, on life's terms. i have been just dry before, quite a while before i really got sober, and it was misery. all that time i wasted wallowing in self pity blaming everything and everyone else for my problems. thinking that no one could comprehend or compare to what I was going through. i thought i was soooooo unique. i work with a good many ladies new to sobriety and it is quite funny to see some of them acting just like i used to.I am not saying that you are behaving this way, just wanted to share a bit with you how i was before i got involved with 12 step program, got some humility, got honest, and willing to do whatever i had to do to change the way i was living. the people in these programs will accept you with open arms and help you work the steps. it does take work though!! :eek: :eek: