need advice please

Specialties CRNA


Hello all,

Just looking for some advice on a personal and professional matter. I am presently taking classes for my BSN. Ever since I first met my boyfriend he knew that my dream was to go to Nurse Anesthestist school. He was very supportive in the beginning of my classes. Now he seems resentful of the time I spend studying and writing papers. I have tried explaining to him that college level courses aren't like high school where you attend class and that's it. I explained that for every hour I spend in class I will be studying approx 2-3 hours. We have a house and mortgage together and I am helping him raise his 3 kids who he has custody of. I sometimes think that he also resents spending the amount of money required for my classes. I worked full time and went to school full time for my LPN and my RN so I can deal with being short of cash. He seems to have a problem with this. Any advice or comments would be welcomed.


548 Posts

Honestly? Leave him, separate from him financially, finish your degree, and reassess where you want to be with him at that point. If he doesn't support your dream, he's not the guy for you.

suzanne4, RN

26,410 Posts

You definitely need to rethink what you want to do and where you want to be three years from now, as well as five years from now.

Be aware that studying during your SRNA years is going to involve much more time than what you are putting in now. Class and clinical time will be very draining on your home life.

Are you sure that this is the right person for you, especially if they aren't willing to offer support for you now, just in the beginning of your training?

Good luck with whatever you decide............. :balloons:


43 Posts

wow, he's got a problem already and you're working on your bsn?? imagine what a problem he's gonna have when you start crna school (msn) and you're spending 10-16hrs a day in either class, preparation, study or clinical time!!! from reviewing this forum i have heard how difficult it is on the so to deal with the amount and degree of time/concentration/effort it takes to survive crna school. review the forum and look for the threads posted from so's and others about what it is like. print them out and have him read them. give him time to digest the info and think about all it involves. anesthesia school has been notorious for the cause of many divorces.

i am in a program now and am finding it hard just to deal with having a dog (large) in an apartment (alone) with no one else to be able to walk/potty her while i'm in clinicals (involves being up and gone by 0530 and not back home until after 4p then have to study)-i have resorted to spending the $$ for doggie day care (which she loves!). i cannot imagine how much harder it is for classmates with kids and the huge stress it places on your so. i'm sure he is thinking along the lines of you were supposed to be helping him raise these kids and feels you're not putting in what he feels is your fair share. if he's supporting you, too, it may make him feel he's doing all the work!

if you truly want to be a crna, you must sit him down and have a deep heart to heart talk about your dreams, his dreams and your dreams together and if you are both willing to stick it out thru the difficulties of school. believe me, i think it is totally worth all the pain and suffering!!! if he can't accept the hardships then your relationship may not survive. it would be better to go through separation sooner (for you, him and the kids) rather than after you begin anesthesia school! tough decisions ahead, best of luck!!!


104 Posts

Wow! I have been in a similar situation....finishing my BSN took some time and I went thru more than one boyfriend! My husband came into the picture just prior to graduation. He did get enlightened on study time when I did my CCRN and prepared for interviews.

Your boyfriend has to understand that A #1 priority is your education. ITs his job to make YOUR life as simple as possible....stuff like doing the shopping or laundry so you get more study time.

If he is having a hard time with it now....believe me the time commitment only grows. Do you know someone who has been thru a program recently who would be willing to speak with him about what to expect? One of my friends did this for me and it helped a lot.

I have to be honest....being in anesthesia school is the hardest thing I have ever done! MY husband says if he knew back then what he knows now he would have tried to talk me out of it. Its a financial, emotional and mental hardship for everyone involved. Everything that can go wrong WILL!

The only reason I have gotten this far is because of the fact that my husband is so supportive and does everything in the world to make my life easier and make our home a good study environment.

I was supposed to do clinicals here in my home town. In the last few weeks the site down sized and I was reassigned to a clinical site 9 hours away. My husband is going to move me and our daughter down there and plans on trying to find a job there within a few months. ITs not as easy as it sounds! he is leaving a job he loves (X16 yrs) to move somewhere he has never even visited! Even though he is not happy about it and in fact dreads this new phase in life....he is going to do it in order to be supportive of my education. That is the kind of relationship you need.


559 Posts

Go now.


103 Posts

Depends how bad you want it, it's your unsupportive boyfriend or your dream career that opens the doors to so many other opportunities.

Specializes in med/surg/tele/neuro/rehab/corrections.

You have to make a choice. Either it's forget your dream and start raising those children who are not yours and start cleaning the house, do the laundry, and cooking and being supportive of someone you are not even married to by doing what he wants OR putting your blinders on (like a horse in a horse race) and just focus on your goal which means you will do whatever it takes to get there and that may mean to leave him and all his baggage. :stone


60 Posts


as a current srna, having a supportive family is crutial to getting through the program. it is so difficult sometimes but the end result is worth all the sacrifice. if you love this person, you need to seek help together and work this through before you even apply to an anesthesia program. part of the interview process revolved around my home support system, and students have quit because of it. good luck.


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