Hello everyone.
I don't want to make this so long that you have to muddle through it, so I will do my best to keep it as short as possible because I really need some advice.
I'll start by saying....I messed up. Bigtime. I graduated nursing school last July as an LPN. Started working for a skilled nursing facility as a graduate nurse until I got my license. I was very "green", didn't have what I feel I needed orientation wise to be competent to be caring for vented patients, so I asked for help a lot. I didn't appear very confident, and behind my back I got called "dumb blonde nurse", etc....I heard this through my coworkers who were fellow students of mine. They didn't share the opionion, thankfully, but I really felt unwanted there. One night I had a patient (non vented) with rapid resps and tachy. Hx of anxiety, as he was terminal (and very young). I worked midnights. After doing my assessment I decided to call the doctor. Nurse manager said, "You're calling the doctor this late? Just give him a neb treatment and see what he does." (This pt, despite being terminal, was "yes to hospitalization" on advance directives...newly dx'd c lung ca). In the orders, there was NO PRN or scheduled neb tx. And, of course, it's not a standing order. NM looked at me, rolled her eyes and said, "Just give the neb tx". I didn't. I gathered my vitals, and called the physician. He was transfered to the hospital.
That is only one example; there are several more, in which I was treated pretty rotten in my opinion. The nurses there were miserably overworked, understaffed, and in the nursing community this facility is known for being a bad place to work. But...they were the only ones to hire a new grad and I obviously needed experience.
Here's the problem. I turned in a written resignation, after being hired with a new facility under a huge organization. We were under quarantine for the norovirus. CNA's were told they couldn't leave d/t no replacements, despite vomiting and temps over 100. They never called in for agency help or anything. The day after I turned in my TWO week notice, I called and left a voice mail saying, "I just wanted you to accept my resignation effective immediately. Myself and my family are ill and I have to tend to them right now. If you have any questions, please call me."
Onward to the next place of employment. They have (and still do) an ad for RN's and LPN positions; the ad has been there for over a year now, and is on several employment websites in our area. But....I thought, well, at least they have a staffing department. Can't be as bad as the previous place, right? At least this time I had experience and a lot more confidence. Again working midnights, I look around and notice that I have worked several shifts being the only staff nurse. The rest being agency. So I'm the only nurse with access to the pyxis, among other things. But that's ok, because I don't mind helping out others. I appreciate help too when I can get it.
Different place....different problems. But just as, if not moreso, sickening. I see offgoing nurses, in tears giving report. Oncoming are just as upset. Mainly administration type issues.....more work piled on with no additional staff to get it done without submitting overtime. Staffing errors...I was called at 11pm by the house sup asking where I was...when I wasn't on the schedule. Got written up, went to HR and they found the error. But did they remove it from my record...nah.
There are more issues, but I'm still trying to simplify this so I can get to the real problem: I quit. On the phone (I wasn't on duty). The HR person was hollering in my ear (I hadn't been there but 5 months so I wasn't supported by the union just yet), and I said, "Please accept my resignation effective now". She said in an upbeat voice, "Ok".
So.....for all I did there, for all the residents I cared for, all the help I offerred my CNA's, because I care and am willing to lend a hand. For all the times I've heard residents complain about always "seeing new faces" and hearing "Ohhhhh you're my nurse tonight. Oh, good, honey!" I genuinely CARE. I am attentive. I am a strong pt advocate and I stand up for what I believe in. I LOVE NURSING.
But now I have two very poor references.
I'm looking for a new job. My only nursing experience is bad experience. I won't be receiving good references from either place. Particularly the last position, because my attendance was poor d/t my mom's illness. (systemic lupus with many secondary problems and she's only 54...it's hard because I am so close to her.....anyways....).
What do I tell potential employers? They have me sign a form that asks my references specifics like work ethic, attendance, attitude.....the HR people who fill these out never work midnights. They don't know that I've worked 14 hours without taking a break some nights. They don't know that I've caught a lot of potential problems and initiated treatments. They didn't see ANY of the good things I did. But records don't lie. I called in probably 5 times in 5 months. I let them know that my mom was ill and that I take care of her. They just recommended that I take personal leave. Only being on the job 5 months, I can't do that. I need the income. I've since made arrangements for help with my mom, but if anything emergent happens, of course I want to be there.
I have 3 kids. My husband left me (in nursing school still....not working, no income), last May, only 6 months after my children's father died unexpectedly (1st husband).
Needless to say I don't feel I can afford to "take time off for a while".
Is my career over? I've applied to several positions. The interviews went VERY well. Agency offerred me work, but the main company contract is through, well......you guessed it...the place I just quit. In fact, three agencies to be exact. So not much help there.
I want something permanent, obviously. And where I don't have to feel sick when I go in. Where I don't have to see nurses crying when they leave.
The permanent places I have interviewed say, "If this doesn't work out I have another position I'd LOVE to have you in".....and other very positive, promising comments. Then they say "I'll check your references and be getting back to you. Call us midweek"....and then....nothing.
I KNOW that it's because of my work hx. I know it's my references. I can't not put them down because that is the only nursing experience that I have.
What do I do? What do I say on the interviews? That I know that I won't be getting glowing reviews?
Thinking maybe I should become a Walmart greeter.....
Please help. I messed up and was unprofessional and unreliable.
Is it over for me?
Thank you so much for your input. I've been crying and sick to my stomach for 2 weeks now over this. I appreciate any advice you may have for me.
Sincerely
Emma:o
