need advice--and yes, support

[fromtheheartRN]

I have been an RN for three + years.

At the same hospital-same floor since graduation.

I love bedside nursing and am always looking for ways to grow and learn.

I am certified in my specialty and I am a relief charge for our 40 bed unit.

I have always prided myself on good relationships with my colleagues, and have been commended by same as someone they can count on to help whenever someone has a pt. emergency or just when a nurse gets over-loaded. I am known to be calm and able to get things done. I frequently get personal notes from the hospital nursing director telling me that I am a valued member of the staff because of various reasons (patient comments, my certification, and fellow staff comments, etc).

I volunteered to go to nightshift for the summer last year because they didn't have a charge for Wed nights--as well as our part-time charge calling off most of the time. In other words, I did them a favor. I also do a nightshift occasionally when they are short. This has been voluntary on my part. I have even volunteered to go home early on days so I could cover for an unexpected shortage the same night.

Where am I going with this?

About six-seven months ago, I decided that I needed a change--more specifically in days of work. Due to family stuff, I wanted to find a position that would allow me to be home every weekend. I informed the director of our floor that I would be looking at opportunities. They seemed (at that time) to be genuinely supportive of me.

I have had two interviews since (I have been very picky on types of positions), but did not get hired.

Then came an opportunity to NOT leave my hospital--a position that sounded absolutely PERFECT for me! I was excited about it-and very confident about landing it.

I emailed my director to let them know.

The next day I was on the floor, I was called into the office.

Door shut, and was asked if I have been 'stressed lately.'

The conversation that followed had me in tears. I was told that I am not good at organizing while in the charge position, I cannot handle emergencies effectively, I over-utilize techs, and generally do not seem to know things that I should know.

Okay, I am not infallible. I admit that sometimes I do not know EVERYTHING about all 40 patients, and that I have not been able to get a system down when I am charge during the week. But, I haven't been charge very often--maybe 6 times in the last 6 months. She disagreed--but I wasn't going to argue at that point (I have since looked it up--and I am right about how many times). Anyway, she basically said that I wouldn't be able to do the job because of all these (faults) I have.

And, oh BTW, we recently had 4 of our very strong RN's leave for other opportunities and there just isn't anyone on staff right now that is ready/willing to take on the charge role to take my place. And we are short staffed. I recently got placed in my own weekend as charge--so they would be in a jam if I left.

I left the office in tears--could NOT believe what I was hearing.

So my question is:

When I go to my next interviews, how do I explain to them that I do not want them to contact my current employer?

And, should I call the other places back who did interview me and ask them about how my references were? I know it is illegal for an employer to ask anything more than absenteeism and "would you hire this person back?"

But we all know in the real world that this is not the case.

Right now I feel unsupported and manipulated and generally want to give my 2 weeks right now--job or no job.

I won't do that, but that's how I feel.

Please advise.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

Jannieannie,

What a terrible experience for you. The circumstances you describe would have left me feeling abandoned also. I agree that your manager may definitely have a hidden agenda - trying to prevent you from moving on to another opportunity.

You did not indicate that your manager asked you to sign a written counseling form - to me, that means that she doesn't want to put anything in writing - so you did not sign anything. Unfortunately, that also means that the record of everything that transpired in her office is now 'you versus her'.

IMO what you should do -- go straight to your HR department and speak with your Employee Advocate (representative, employee relations, or whatever they are called in your organization). Normally, when you have a problem, you should follow the chain of command - but in this case, the next higher link on your 'chain' is the problem. Tell them exactly what you have described here, including the factual information you have at your disposal. I am sure that they will follow up appropriately. If not, you probably should consider moving on to another organization and chalk this up to a learning experience.

Just one request - when you move into a management position ( I am sure you will) in the future. Remember this incident and vow never to repeat it. Always support your employee's career advancement and growth. I have always treated former employees as 'alumni' - continuing to stay in touch and follow their accomplishments with pride. Someimes, they even chose to come back and work for me again.... or helped me recruit qualified staff.

Take care of yourself & let us know how this comes out.

[ukstudent]

Unfortunately this is the way of many units/floors. You are not rewarded for being a loyal and dedicated employee, just the opposite. You get sabotaged in your growth.

So sorry that this has happened to you. But know that your manager has shown his/her true colors, you know where you stand. It is very unlikely that he/she will change. You best hope for continued growth as a nurse, will mean you are going to need to go to another hospital. Make sure you tell them in your exit interview why you left.

[deeDawntee, RN]

I second what rbezemek said (very well, by the way) and want to add my voice of support. It is very disheartening when you see a manager's or organization's true operating condition. Obviously, they are stressed out and operate with manipulation and coersion, instead of true empowerment of their employees. Please see past that horrible meeting you had and dwell on all the positive feedback you have received. Perhaps, you could get references from some of them, which would speak volumes compared to whatever sabotage your current manager may want to do to your career advancement.

I have a very strong hunch that meeting with you personally your interviewers will instantly know what kind of quality nurse and human being you are. Go in confident and just be yourself and I promise nothing will hold you back!! If they ask if they can call your current manager, just say that you prefer that they do not, as you don't want it known that you are pursuing new employment at this time. (or something along those lines) I have said that in interviews and have never had problems.

Remember that horrible situation can and will not define who you are. You are much more powerful than that. Go in unashamed and proud of what you have accomplished, that is what is true and apparent to all.

Good luck!!! (but I don't think you need it!) :yeah: