NCLEX: Like a Deer in the Headlights. Ch 10

Julie Reyes, DNP, RN

I was fortunate to land a job at the children's hospital where I became a student nurse tech. I never even applied anywhere else, which is ironic, since I never wanted to work with sick kids. Yet here I am, sitting in a Pathways Program with nine other new grad nurses reviewing for the NCLEX for the next week or so. One of the girls let me use her study questions CD and we all strive to grasp essentials of nursing. The main thing I realized is that the NCLEX wanted to know if I knew everything about everything. At least, that is how I felt.

I had books, practice questions, rationales, and youtube videos all teaching me how to best prepare for the exam. I had the voice of that little Southern belle from the Hurst review sticking in my brain (I listened to her lectures over and over). We studied together, we crammed and quizzed, and then we scheduled and sat for our exam.

I present my ID to the lady at the desk in the center where I am to take my exam. I have followed, to a "T", the advice from books on what to do the day before the NCLEX. I did not study a lick, and I laid on my couch all day reading a fun book I always wanted to read but couldn't since I was too busy with school work. I glance around at the other people here taking exams for other certifications. I notice the room is about the same temperature as the Antarctic. I shiver and pull my jacket tightly around me.

I am told to stand on the "X" as my photo is taken. I am given a key and told to put my stuff in a locker. I am taken to a room with an attendant and asked to empty all of my pockets, roll up my sleeves, roll up my pant legs as they check for any evidence of cheating materials. I am taken into a room, given a pair of earphones, directed to a computer, and instructed to start when I am ready.

I enter my information and hesitate to press "enter". I hear his voice in my head - the one who said, "You aren't smart enough to be a nurse", "The only reason you have a good gpa is because you didn't go to a "real" university". What if he is right? What if I fail? I roll my eyes in an effort to see the idiocracy of his statements. I made it this far, what else is there to do but take a leap of faith?

I press "enter", and my first question appears. What makes me nervous is not being able to go back to review my answers at the end of the exam. I have to make the best choice now and then never think of that question again. I only have one shot at this question. I stare and I think about what immediately stands out at me as being wrong. I eliminate two. I am torn about the other two remaining answers. They are probably both right, but what is most right?

I take a deep breath, and click. Then submit.

Then read, exclude, deduce, decide, submit. For 75 questions I do this.

I remember, at question number ten, I thought - "Oh, hey, something I know!" Then rolled my eyes (this is getting to be a bad habit) and plunged ahead.

On question 75 I made my choice. Here is the fork in the road. If I hit enter and the exam is over, I have probably failed, but I could pass. If question 76 comes up, I still have a fighting chance. I could have a hundred more questions and have a better chance of passing, I think, so try not to be upset if the test is not over, I tell myself. I have my arrow circling the "submit" button, and I keep hesitating to press it. I sat there for minutes on end. Not so much worried about the answer for that particular question, because I knew that one...but not ready to face whatever the next screen will tell me. Not sure I can handle a blurb about the test being completed.

I push away from the screen and take a break. I am just mentally trying to prepare myself. I want to get my phone from my locker and call my husband, but really, what is he going to do? I want to call my mom, who thinks that no matter what, I am smart. I decide that is stupid, I just need to dive in. Get it over with. I place my earphones back on and hit submit.

Game over. Exam ended.

Shocked and dismayed, I am just .... embarrassed and defeated. Just 75 questions and I know I knew....ONE.

I turn in my earphones, grab my stuff from my locker, walk numbly to my car and climb in. I just started bawling. All this way - this long hard road - and I have to do this all over again?

I head home, the long drive home, and pull out my study books. (I also poured me a drink, but that is beside the point.) I highlight things that were on the exam, and make some notes. I am preparing for my next attempt already. I will not be defeated. As I study on into the night, I get a nagging feeling that there is a chance that I could have passed. I don't want to let myself think that could be true, because I don't want to be crushed, but I just can't help but hope. maybe...

At work the next day, I admit to my group that I did take the exam. I had not told anyone. One of the girls in my group had 248 questions on her exam and just found out that she failed it. She was already gearing up to retake it. Then they asked me if I tried "the tricks" to see if the BON still had me listed as a graduate nurse, or if I had tried to re-register for the exam again. These are supposed to be "tricks" that hint if you had passed or not. Apparently, you cannot re-register for the exam if you passed. I gave it a try, but was still not convinced. I could not re-register, so I had hope, but was just not convinced.

The next day, I decided to cough up the money to find out early, when the nurses in the unit kept urging me. I pulled out my credit card, and with a crew of nurses behind me (which I did not want- just in case...) I could feel my apprehension rising as I proceeded through the pages to the final one that would give me my results. The crew saw it before me and they all started cheering and patting me on the back -

I DID IT! I PASSED!!

I AM A REGISTERED NURSE!!!!!