my story and the RN nclex

For what it's worth here's my two cents about the Nclex . I, like others, were excited to get the Nclex out of the way and advance my career. I thought I did well in my schooling and thought I had it.Nclex shut down at 89. I raced home and did the pearson vue trick and got the Bad pop up.Well, that all changed ... I failed . I cried and cried, as all other of my class mates we passing i failed. So i set out and was determined to pass it. I rescheduled right away and was reviewing my saunders, did the second test, Nclex shut off at 96, raced home, did pearson vue, Failed! I was even more devastated than before. I was thinking to myself "what the crap? why Can't I do this? I do have some anxiety when Im in there to start but as I start the exam, I get into mode. Yes some of the questions I thought...Oh Man, what the heck is that? why haven't even heard of that? So I talked to others, got some advise, Did the Hurst review, re read saunders,when online and did any nclex practice testing i could find. This time I thought..3rd time a charm! I was confident and ready to go. Took Nclex, shut down at 112 this time, this time i was sure I passed, had my husband and son with me in front of the pearson vue to hopefully see the good pop up... denied. Wholly crap! This was the most horrific thing.. 3 times...are you kidding me? It was embarrassing to even mention that I failed for the third time. To my friends, co workers, fellow nurses, doctors,and family. I was a walking failure. All my confidence was shot and I sunk into my job and a deep dark hole. Yea, everyone was kinda..."Awe, You"ll do it", "Your smart", "it will come". Those words of encouragement were just a reminder of "FAILURE". I was done, I told my husband I was done and it was costing us a small fortune to continue to take these test. Being the husband he is, he said "You have come to far to quit now''... you ride horses.."What do you do when you fall off?" me.. "get back on" me...smile. . This time i have more time to study without the worry of work due to a meniscus tear and surgery. So at the suggestion of my husband I took that time to study every day. Coffee in the morning and study study study. I did Kaplan, Hurst review, Saunders, online quizzes, hell I even pulled out some of my LPN books and looked over skills and watched videos on u tube. I was afraid to tell anyone that I was going to take the Nclex again, I was literally going to quit nursing and get a truck to sell BBQ sandwiches out of (I can cook up some mean BBQ). It took a lot but I scheduled my 4th exam. It was time, I went in, was feeling good, sat and got every question ...all 265!! At the time I was trying not to look up at the time or the question I was on. I didn't take any breaks, and was making sure I re read the question,and answers. 150, 180,220, questions...really? Well, I'm Still in the game and I'm not going to give up. I couldn't remember at the time how many questions left. I started to panic a little,time was running out. Last time i looked I was on 255 and had 18 mins left. I was the only one left, sitting for the total 6hrs. Finally, a grey screen popped up and stated something of the fact of more questions.. I freaked.. I have 8mins.. and these weren't regular questions, come to find out they were proctor questions,due to the fact i had a little extra time ,they figured I could help out and do some research for future test takers. When I got home I was exhausted and did some research on the 265 questions. I never thought I would get to all of them. And the waiting begins.. My Husband insisted that I wait and NOT do the pearson vue trick. "relax and just wait." I wanted to die, right there and then. But I waited.Checking my email I was waiting for the "thanks for taking the Nclex exam". Knowing that was my cue to knowing my exam was processed. Nothing for two days. WHAT??? Well, it was in my junk mail. But I got another email from my BON,now saying they received my test results,but didn't have my transcript to issue a license. All I seen was "TO ISSUE A LICENSE". Well they aren't going to give me another LPN license.. The voice of my husband..."wait, don't get to excited" me...ok ok. Second email was from BON again. This time they said they received my transcript and a licence has been issued. I wasn't sure what to think I was a deer in the headlights.My gut was telling me yes and I was kinda bouncing in my step. I will just wait til the 3rd day and looked on the BON website for the official confirmation. Today was the day and there it was.. my name with RN after it. -tear-. I know this was long and lengthy, but it was my story of how to not give up. Take the time and get yourself some time to regroup and refocus on the goal.Get good support,take some time off work and reach out to others. Its ok to ask for help