An article describing my experience with burnout as an ICU nurse. I had been in the ICU for over 10 years before I could let go. I am now on a healthier path and enjoying nursing again.
For me it started four years ago. Like many nurses I was experiencing burn out. I had been a critical care nurse for six years in a large university medical center. In the beginning I started to feel a lot of anxiety when at work. I had the skill and the knowledge to do the job but over the years the emotional and physical stress had caught up to me.
I preferred to work night shift and with that came the overwhelming responsibility of watching over the waves of new nurses that would all start on nights. There would be shifts when I would look around and realize that my options for resources that night were nurses with less than one year of experience. I would just hope that everything went smoothly.
I started looking for jobs outside of the ICU environment.
Every time I would think about leaving the job that I had loved for so long, I would think it's not time yet, I will know when I've had enough but not yet. So the emotional blows kept coming and I kept barely holding on because I knew that I was making a difference in the lives of my patients.
To help with the burnout I started cross training in different areas. That helped for a little while as it changed things up for me. I would talk things over with my supervisor, who was also a great friend. She suggested going back to school. She knew that this was something that was always in the back of my mind and encouraged me to get started.
Just as I was finishing up my school application the educator position for our ICU opened up.
Instantly I knew I had to apply. I thought it was the perfect move for me. I thought for sure this would help me re-ignite my passion for critical care nursing. I got accepted into the Masters in Nursing Education program and got the educator position at the same time. I was so excited for both.
School was a big adjustment and very stressful but I was really enjoying the new role as educator. I felt like I was making a difference again and impacting the new nurses as they went through their internships. This was merely just a band-aid for what was still looming below-burn out was still present, I was just distracted from it for a while.
The demands of the job increased my fire and passion slowly decreased. I was working long hours and filling in on the unit when we were short. I felt like I was being pulled in a million directions. I wanted to make sure that the new nurses had the best chance for success, I wanted to give my patients the best care possible and I wanted my ICU to be the best in the hospital.
Nurses on the unit were also showing signs of burnout and disengagement. Negativity was spreading like wildfire. It was really hard to keep trying to be positive when I was surrounded by negativity. Seasoned nurses were starting to leave, others were starting nurse practitioner programs, and some were transferring to different departments or hospitals to change their scenery.
There were not many of us who thought we could sustain life as an ICU nurse for the rest of our careers. We found solace in talking to each other but that did not solve any of our problems, just let us know that we were not alone. The demands on the nurses were constantly growing yet the time to complete the growing amount of tasks was not. I would try to talk to family and they would try to help, but they just could not understand. They would try and remind me of the good that I was doing and the lives that I was positively affecting. My response would always be "but at what cost?" This job was killing me-emotionally, physically and spiritually.
I now knew it was time to let go. At this point I had now been an ICU nurse for over 10 years. The thought of leaving the ICU broke my heart but I had to finally put myself first. I started looking for jobs but I really wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I was just about to finish my masters program so there were many options open to me.
While I was searching for jobs and interviewing for various positions I attended the American Association of Critical Care Nurses National Teaching Institute. I went with a heavy heart knowing that I would not be an ICU nurse for much longer. I soaked in all the education that I could and enjoyed every moment. For the little time I had left I wanted to try and make a difference in my ICU.
It took me a couple of months to find the right job but I did. I took a job as a nursing supervisor in an outpatient clinic. It was so hard to face the reality of leaving what was always my dream job but I knew I had to do it.
I really enjoyed my new job. I started working out with a trainer, eating healthier, and since it was a Monday through Friday job I was finally on a normal sleep schedule. I still mourned the loss of my identity as an ICU nurse but it finally hit me that I did not miss the reality of what it is now to be an ICU nurse, but what it used to be. I could not ever get that back and that gave me comfort in my decision to leave.
Looking towards the future I still have a passion for nursing and changing lives, I will just have to figure out a new way to do it. My dream to impact the nursing world is still very much with me.
You are right-you need to put your health and happiness first. I would think about what made you want to become a nurse and try and keep that feeling with you. We are lucky that there are so many options for careers in nursing. Think outside the hospital setting-school nursing, outpatient clinics, insurance companies, and more. I always thought to myself-there is no reason for me to hate my job. I am a nurse and this is what I've always wanted to do, so I need to find a way to love my job again. Good luck reigniting your passion.
NRS86, i know what you are going through. I have only been a nurse for 2.5 years, first two years I suffered through as a night shift ICU nurse as a new grad (just because it was the only place that called me back after months of job searching and the pressure to get "great experience"). Well, I hated it. I always wanted to do something with OB/NICU so I accepted a job at a great hospital in a level 3 NICU, also nights. I'm not sure if it was working nights, the ICU, the disappointment in the nursing profession (the shifts, the holiday/weekend requirements, getting hammered about little things by docs or senior nurses)or all three that contributed to my burn out that I was ready to look for any outpatient doc office jobs, but I ended up settling for the NICU because I didn't want to pass it up and not have it come around ever again in the future. Well, I just finished orientation, and the job itself isn't so bad, but I feel like the passion I once had about the specialty is gone and at this point, I just want to work somewhere "easy and stress free" (which I know doesn't exist in healthcare!). I feel trapped too. I almost regret taking this position because I hate nights and now I am not sure I want to stay in a hospital.. I hate not seeing my fam and bf because everyone else works days and I never feel well rested. My 3 day work week turns into a 5 day misery of no sleep-week. I am always exhausted, have no energy to take better care of my health, and am depressed. Do I continue where I am and build up experience and seniority, and keep the great benefits or do i go work in GI or ambulatory, etc. and potentially committ "career suicide" since it's considered to be boring and robbing of skills and experience or do I do something else??
Nursing was my second career. I went to school for Anthropology but then the economy went down and I was looking for a middle ground, so I went back for nursing. I thought I could do Peace Corps or public health as a combination of both fields but those jobs are so scarce and pay is not so good, and with Peace Corps I did not want to dedicate so much time because I didn't want to be away from my family for months at a time. I don't want to regret going down this path (especially since now I have almost 80K to pay back in school loans for!). I admire the nurses that "love" their job and hope that I will feel that way too one day. It doesn't help that I am already 31 y.o.so I can't waste any more time jumping careers.
NRS86, keep your eyes and ears and heart open. There's gotta be something out there for us! I wish I could get advice from someone in my shoes too haha!
Sorry for the vent session..but that's what this website is for, isn't it?
The burnout is really real. It probably doesn't help when you have friends and family making the same or more in salary while working in a career that makes them happy and comfortable.
yep I am also 30 and do not have the time and money to change my career completely. I also have a family that I need to help provide for. I wish I could shadow other areas in nursing that interest me right now. We just need to keep looking until we find our niche. Also, med/surg is always desperate for nurses, so if we had to go back to the hospital setting we can always go that route again if we absolutely had to. I'm thinking about going to prn at the hospital while I try other positions (outpatient,insurance, etc..) that way I don't have the stress of having no income and still have a secure job to fall back on. I just feel bad b/c I just started in a new position and don't want to burn any bridges . It's comforting to know I'm not the only nurse struggling with this b/c a lot of my friends are not as unhappy as me so its hard to vent to them.
For some reason there are nurses that feel burn out and some that don't. I always wondered what they were doing that I couldn't to avoid this feeling? I don't bieve that we should compare ourselves to others and how they deal with stress. Everyone is different and we all have our own stories. I truly believe that we will all find our passion in nursing. There are so many options that over time maybe our niche may change but we'll land in a new one if we remember why we love nursing and what drew us into this field.
Burnout is inevitable for many people in nursing, no matter what the specialty. I have worked primarily ICU and ER over the past 7 years. There are excellent institutions that create healthy work environments that help slow down the burn-out process. However, I find most the places I have worked (as a traveler and staff) squeeze as much as they can out of you in a 12 hour shift. It is just the nature of shift-work. You are one of a thousand people that do that job at the hospital and the facility has to keep churning patients in/out. But perhaps the thing I think really is the cause of burnout in nursing is 2 things in particular. One is the task-based nature of the profession. No matter how technical your field of nursing is (cath lab, ICU, etc), you come to work and do the same thing over and over and over each day. And much of nursing is non-technical physical tasks that require no thinking (suctioning, emptying catheters, bathing, etc). This monotony is bound to leave anyone feeling dull. Second is the lack of power/decision making in nursing for employees that are very well educated. In nursing you have a glut of people with bachelor's and master's degrees. Yet when we go to work, 95% of our job is pre-determined by what someone else tells us to do, whether that is orders, protocols, policies, etc. There is little creativity and very little decision making (of significant importance) to keep our minds fresh and challenged. Perhaps the exception to this in nursing is certain administrative jobs where you get to do projects that involve critical thinking, analysis, some creativity, and varied work tasks from day to day. However, when it comes to the hospital/inpatient world you work one place for 10 years, you do the same thing for 10 years. No sane person could escape burn-out in those conditions. That is why most nurses change specialties after several years.
For some reason there are nurses that feel burn out and some that don't. I always wondered what they were doing that I couldn't to avoid this feeling? I don't bieve that we should compare ourselves to others and how they deal with stress. Everyone is different and we all have our own stories. I truly believe that we will all find our passion in nursing. There are so many options that over time maybe our niche may change but we'll land in a new one if we remember why we love nursing and what drew us into this field.
I have been a nurse for a long time and do not suffer from burnout. Sure, there are days I am tired, feel worn out and so on but I do not feel the compassion fatigue or other signs of burnout.
In my opinion (and I might be wrong) it is a mix of resilience as well as common sense and good self-care that make me feel good about being a nurse. But I also do not stay in positions that are not good for me. I left jobs because the environment was too toxic, the job "mission impossible" or otherwise not good. It is important to eat properly, sleep, exercise and have hobbies.
What works in one stage of your life may not work in another.
And last but not least - there are things I can not change - accepting this fact instead of running against the wall over and over helps me to reduce the "grind of the system"...
. It's comforting to know I'm not the only nurse struggling with this b/c a lot of my friends are not as unhappy as me so its hard to vent to them.
bbear2102, MSN, RN
1 Article; 11 Posts
You are right-you need to put your health and happiness first. I would think about what made you want to become a nurse and try and keep that feeling with you. We are lucky that there are so many options for careers in nursing. Think outside the hospital setting-school nursing, outpatient clinics, insurance companies, and more. I always thought to myself-there is no reason for me to hate my job. I am a nurse and this is what I've always wanted to do, so I need to find a way to love my job again. Good luck reigniting your passion.