My dream of becoming a nurse has became a nightmare

[NurseKJ5]

I'm a new nurse almost 6 months into my career and it has been nothing but a nightmare that keeps on going. So let me start from the beginning, After desperately trying to get into any spring GN programs and not even getting an interview for most places. I finally got an interview after graduation and got an offer for an oncology unit with a sub-specialty in Stem Cell Transplant (Bone Marrow Transplant) which I was happy and excited about but also nervous cause I had no clue what it was about.

After our 2 week orientation it was time to go to the floor which I was ready to see what it was all about. So on my first shift with in the first hour I was questioning what did I get myself into. I was paired with an alternate preceptor because my primary on vacation. So we ended up with 3 patient one needed blood, one needing to start their chemotherapy and the other having major complications from the chemo they received. Somehow I made it through the first day even with a patient desaturation out of nowhere twice. later on in the week I met my primary preceptor and the response was cold, she was not friendly or engaging at all it was more like come on or get left. As we started to work together more I could tell that our personalities were clashing and the way she was teaching me was not very beneficial to the way I learned or needed to learning the way of the unit. It got bad that my educator and manager had to step in and help mediate on how to work together. Things seemed to improved after that and I was just trying to keep up so I could switch to nights and work with someone else.

Well when I started nights it went from bad to worse. I had seen my night preceptor before but never talked to her and when I finally did the first thing she say, " I was nervous about getting you" and I couldn't believe what I just heard. Like did I have a bad reputation all ready? I tried to ignore it and just focus on finishing the rest of the orientation since I had a couple of weeks to go. However it got worse everynight we worked, it as a problem with me staying up and not falling asleep, taking a break, calling in orders whatever I did was wrong wit no real guidance on how to get better. Then one night were in the med room she out of nowhere says, "Have you thought about working in diagnostic because you don't have great patient interaction skill". At this point I felt completely disrespected and tried everything not to respond negatively so I just said no I have thought about working in Pedi if you must know. Well that was th beginning of the end cause she told pretty much everyone that I didn't want to be there and wanted to work somewhere else.

I had another progress meeting with my educator and it was bad I ended up telling them everything that has happened and that I wasn't happy with working with her but she gave them a list of thinks that I was "still" doing wrong. So they decided to extend my orientation on probationary causes and keep me with the same nurse when I told them I preferred working with a few others. Two weeks go by and I seen my educator and she tells me that the unit director wanted to talk to me. next thing I know I'm being fired for "not meeting expectations" and over new nurse mistakes like giving a med late, asking who gives a respiratory drug and needing prompting for a patient with a change in altered mental status.

So now I'm looking for a new job and applying everywhere I see open. I even applied to fall GN but it was so hard getting in the first time that I fell it going to be impossible to get in now. Luckily I did find another job with a pedi home health but I still want to be back in the hospital to reach my goals I set for myself but I don't want to go through the same thing again. I'm now considering giving up on nursing and going back to get a masters in health care administration or Pharm D. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

You stated you had trouble staying awake during NOC shifts. Did anything happen that would make them question your practices. I'm not talking about giving meds late, I'm talking being so drowsy you can't see straight.

[NurseGirl525, ASN, RN]

How long did you orient on days before going to nights? Nights are easier to learn on. I worked on my unit as a PCT on nights before orienting as a nurse on days. I will go to nights soon. I do know it's hard, but it's better to learn as a new nurse. My unit does have some crazy nights. Crazy. But, I would say 4/7 nights are slower than days. Days are hard, patient wise. The whole staying up all night takes a little getting used to.

I think you didn't give your first job the shot it needed. But, that's water under the bridge. I would keep it on my resume as its experience. How are your interviewing skills? If you are good, you could spin that job into a good thing.

Futhermore, don't listen to gossip or make assumptions that other people think they know you. I would have done everything to prove that night preceptor wrong. Instead, you fed into it.

This is coming from a brand-spanking-new nurse who is orienting.

[dishes, BSN, RN]

Luckily I did find another job with a pedi home health but I still want to be back in the hospital to reach my goals I set for myself but I don't want to go through the same thing again. Thanks.

Most of your post dwells on the past and a feeling that you were wronged, how are things going in the present with the pedi home health job?

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

I still want to be back in the hospital to reach my goals I set for myself but I don't want to go through the same thing again.

What goals have you set for yourself? Can they be achieved without working at the shiny, exalted acute care hospital setting that everyone and their mama places on an undeserved pedestal?

I'm only asking because acute care hospital nursing is not for everyone, regardless of the messages instilled into us by our instructors, peers, and society. I've been a nurse for 10+ years, never worked a single day in an acute care setting, and hope it stays that way.

There are plenty of good, lucrative nursing jobs outside the hospital. I wouldn't give up on nursing to chase a potentially unrealistic dream of working on some hospital unit that might not be conducive to your personality or multitasking skills. Good luck to you.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

23 years as a nurse without doing acute care (did it prior to RN) and it has been a good fit. Lots of areas to explore and excel in. You do need to get over the "disrespected" thing though. You get respect by doing a good job.

[nutella, MSN, RN]

I think you should think about your goals in a more structured way to find out what your goal is and how important it is.

As other have pointed out, acute care hospital is not for everyone to begin with. Personally, I liked working int he community very much. I am back in the hospital but not as a bedside nurse. I think I would not enjoy that anymore.

Basically, make a list or draw a diagram of what is important to you and why. Pedi seems to be a competitive field all around - perhaps you add a license in a different state where they need nurses more urgently and move there for a while to get an acute job if that is what you want. But hospital nursing is really rough for new nurses all around. Heck, it was even rough when I started a new job as an experienced hospital nurse. Pressure is high and coworkers can be difficult to get along with. You need to be resilient nowadays.

Healthcare administration - I do not know - I hated management mostly because I did not identify and agree on a lot of management stuff with the "higher ups". I think I was a good clinical manager but I was not willing to sacrifice everything in the name of $.

Pharmacy D - personally, if I was young and not a nurse already, I probably would have looked into that one. But it is another long commitment of school. There is also nurse practitioner but for that you probably should have some nursing experience.

Good luck!

[missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN]

It's not all about you, and you have a lot to learn. That's okay!

Everyone feels lost in that first year. You have to give it time, you have to adapt, and you have to become a nurse. What you learned in nursing school isn't what you need to know in the real world. You will get better. Things will roll off your shoulders with better ease, and you'll become accustomed to which service orders what. You will improve.

It doesn't matter if you stay on your floor or go to a new one. You made it through nursing school and the nclex. This is just one more hurdle, and in one year you'll feel entirely different.

Best of luck, op. I suggest you stay and work for a year. This is just the beginning but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[dishes, BSN, RN]

@missmollie the OP cannot stay on the floor because as they mentioned in their post, they were fired for not meeting expectations. They are now working in pedi home health.

[blondy2061h, MSN, RN]

BMT is a crazy difficult specialty to start in. I started there and wanted to quit after every shift for the first 6 months. Then it became slightly less often. It was a solid two years before I was comfortable there. Blood products and chemo side effects will be never ending, then the GVH will be never ending. I also had very intense preceptors, because I think that goes with the territory.

Do I think you can make it? I'm not sure. But to have a chance you need to be patient with yourself, keep a good attitude, and move forward.

[murseomatic]

Sometimes we just get stuck with a preceptor that clashes - personality wise. I think for the most part, we have all been there in some fashion.

One little trick which I have found helps TREMENDOUSLY, is to always approach your preceptor and ask if there is anything you can do to help them. Don't wait for them to approach you. They may roll their eyes the first couple times you ask, but after a while they will begin to appreciate you, and see that you are trying to be a team player. Nine times out of ten, the reason the preceptor is grouchy is because they feel that you are adding to their workload. Show them that you can help them too. It goes a long way.

This method turned my "eye rolling" preceptor experience completely around. Sounds simple, but it works!

[la_chica_suerte85, BSN, RN]

BMT is a crazy difficult specialty to start in. I started there and wanted to quit after every shift for the first 6 months. Then it became slightly less often. It was a solid two years before I was comfortable there. Blood products and chemo side effects will be never ending, then the GVH will be never ending. I also had very intense preceptors, because I think that goes with the territory.

Do I think you can make it? I'm not sure. But to have a chance you need to be patient with yourself, keep a good attitude, and move forward.

This times 1 million. BMT is the definition of intense.