When I was a little girl, I always knew I wanted to be a mother. After my first child was born, I knew I wanted to be a nurse. I never knew how intimately these two experiences would impact each other.
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Two more children came along, and I stayed home with the three of them until they all began school. I love being a mom! I was with them for every first word, first step, and first day of school. Finally the day came for me to pursue my dream of becoming a nurse. I began nursing school in the fall of 2008 and plan on graduating with my ASN in december of 2010. I felt accomplished as a parent; however there were some areas I knew I fell short in. Take death and dying for example.
I've always had a death/dying anxiety. I'm sure none of us looks forward to it, but I remember having panic attacks thinking about dying. This of course translated over into my role as a mom.
It was always so hard for me to talk to my children about death and dying. Honestly, I always tried to change the subject or make light of it. It seemed to come to a head when a pet died or was dying. I swear I did every heroic measure to save even the lowliest of goldfish. I would do anything to avoid dealing with that final outcome. The questions. The burial. The tears- I'm ashamed to say how many goldfish, hamsters, etc. I've cried over.
Well this morning my daughter's (who is 11) pet rat Lilly wasn't well. She is about 2 years old (old for a rat). She was bleeding out of her mouth and her cage was covered with blood. She was wobbly when she walked and had grown quite thin over the past few days. My daughter was beside herself, and I could feel myself going into "heroic measures" mode. Should we call a vet? CPR? Meds? 24/7 watch?
I examined Lilly and knew she was dying. She is old- she might have a tumor in her mouth or other problem common to older rodents. I was debating my plan of action when suddenly a peace came over me I can't explain. The week before, I attended a perinatal bereavement lecture. The nurse who taught shared about her own painful losses and I left understanding more about death and dying. I guess I should say I left accepting more about death and dying. I remembered her words: "sometimes dying is unavoidable- it's part of life."
I looked my daughter right in the eye and said: "Honey, Lilly is dying. She is old and sick. I don't think there is anything we can do for her to keep her alive, but we can take care of her and keep her comfortable until she dies. It's hard to understand, but dying is a normal part of life, and now is Lilly's time." this may seem like nothing to you, but for me it was huge. I had never spoken this honestly about death to any of my children.
My daughter's reaction was amazing. She wasn't anxious like she had been with other pets, but began accepting what was going to happen. She held Lilly while I washed the blood off her face a paws. We cleaned up her cage and made sure her water was nearby if she wanted it. My daughter said: "Do you think the room is too bright? Maybe it would be more comfortable for Lilly if I put the shades down." I told her we did that in nursing school for our patients and explained what "mileu" meant. We were able to leave her and go run errands with my daughter feeling fine about it.
I feel very grateful to all the nurses who have the passion not only to care for their patients, but to care for and share with their peers. Their teachings and personal experiences transcend classroom, hospital and beyond.
