So i'm in an LPN program in the evenings. I'm in my early 30's. I work full time and the program is accelerated so it certainly feels like full time too! It's 3 nights a week from 3:50-10:10 and one weekend clinical a month (8 hours both days)
The thing is that I feel like I don't "fit in" anywhere. There are some pretty obvious divides in the class. There's the group of young'ns who are fresh out of high school. There are the "mean girls" who aren't really THAT mean but they are a lil rough and i try to steer clear. There's a very tight knit group (with a couple people that work together too) that always seem to be laughing, getting decent grades, and enjoying themselves (even getting together outside of school on occasion) The rest of us are just sort of stragglers. I'm always pleasant and friendly, and make it a point to get along with everyone. but i don't have an ally, you know? There is someone in my clinical group that i get along really well with (or at least i did first term clinicals) Assuming we end up in the same clinical groups for term 2 (just started 2 weeks ago) hopefully that will be the same. For now she's with the young'n group while we're doing academics, though we're still chatty and friendly of course.
I just wonder how "in" i should make an effort to be. I am doing ok as is- I got good grades last term (made honors) and my sanity is for the most part intact I just wonder if I'm missing out by not being part of a GROUP. I feel like the better support system you have in school with people go through the same program you are the more likely you are to survive. But i don't want to force it.
My program starts in our sophomore year so I'm with the same group for 2 1/2 years. So maybe that's why I'm saying the opposite of most of the replies you got, but it's been really helpful to have friends! We text each other when we're frustrated, with questions or if we didn't remember if the teacher said this or that, we eat lunch together and talk about different nursing subjects, and help each other with homework and studying. I'm not in the "in group" but I made a couple close friends, then the rest I'm just open to and help them. Not everyone will help back if you need it but it won't hurt, you don't have to go out of your way much or anything. The oldest in my class I think is around 40 and she's made about 3 close friends (we're mostly 19) and everyone likes her.
Your current situation is nearly identical to my personal experience while attending nursing school. I was that woman..30 something, trying to juggle a mortage, a marriage, 2 kids, a job and nursing school all at the same time. Wondering how or where I could, would, or if I even should, try to "fit in" with the other students in my class. I tend to be more reserved. Not shy really, just kind of quiet, especially when im tossed into a group situation with persons whom I don't really know anything about. My group had a similar mix of students. The young fresh-faced, post high school girls. I had no personal desire to fit in there. It was as though we were living on different planets and I could never find an effective means of communication with them. After all how could we find a common ground to stand on? They could go home after class, eat dinner that mom made for them and snuggle up to study in a soft bed, in a quiet room that someone else still pays for. When I went home, I was that Mom. There were a few older women in my class as well. Closer to my own age, definitely shared the same planet and language. However, they also worked together and had pre-existing friendships and history that I was not a part of, so i would never really fit in there either. That's when I resigned myself to just focusing on the task at hand and decided that I wasn't going to worry anymore about fitting in. After all, I wasn't there to make friends.. I was there to graduate, period. I of course, remained polite to everyone, but I didn't focus on trying to form any specific bonds of friendship. I did observe some of the cheating and backstabbing that went on within the younger group.. I understood and sympathized with some of the stories the older ladies would tell. During the first 2 semesters, I studied alone and never saw my classmates outside of school. Towards the end of my 3rd semester, I started talking more with a younger girl in class. She was in her mid 20's and also seemed to keep pretty much to herself. We became friends and would help one another study for exams. Which was a nice break from studying alone. Quizzing each other and talking through the information did make some things a little easier to understand and remember. Despite all of our differences, mostly due to age and life experience, we are still friends today. My advice to you hunny, is don't worry about fitting in so much. You are in nursing school to learn how to be a nurse. Someday, with that education, you may be able to improve your life, career, living situation, as well as the lives of the people you care about. That's your focus! If a new friendship is in the cards for you, it will just happen. The same way everything good in life seems to happen, when your not looking and you least expect it. Best Wishes to you & Good Luck Hunny! ~Patty :-)
I'm 52 years young in my 3rd semester. I tend to be older than a number of the professors; and presently, I'm the oldest in my graduating class (there's been older in other graduating classes). Most of my fellow students are in their 20's; we have a handful of those in their 30's and 40's. My wife and I are empty nesters; and many of my classmates have children. We live in the boondocks compared to many. So even when groups who normally don't mix, but live nearby each other, get together, I'm left out.
While an individual's journeys rarely are the same, I feel for you.
Now, to answer your question, be yourself. If you fit, you fit; if you don't, you don't. Don't hide. Be yourself (game face when necessary).
I could never find an effective means of communication with them. After all how could we find a common ground to stand on? They could go home after class, eat dinner that mom made for them and snuggle up to study in a soft bed, in a quiet room that someone else still pays for.
Maybe people shouldn't be so quick to judge us young'ins or think they'd never be able to relate to them while in class or outside of class.
I am 19. I go home to an empty house of people most of the time, where I have responsibilities to pay bills, take care of my pets, clean the house, do my homework, do my laundry, buy my groceries. But many people wouldn't know this if I was in a class with them and probably judge my young face as someone who has a room paid for her. I look the same as any other 19 year old, and because we're social beings, I also act to fit in.
I don't judge people because whether they are old or young, I don't know their life story but I do give them a chance to tell me if they want, and try best to suppress, if any, ageism, sexism, and racism.
Btw I know I might be the exception for most of the time, but even people who have a room paid have something in their life .. work 2 jobs to afford school, take care of their baby sister, have a chronic illness, etc. Ageism is not just toward the elderly though.
Now, to answer your question, be yourself. If you fit, you fit; if you don't, you don't. Don't hide. Be yourself (game face when necessary).
Hugs.
Agree Pls don't try to be someone else just to "fit in". Just always be yourself! And those people who are like you will just be automatically be magnetized to come to you. For example, if you are a warm and kind woman, the nursing students who are warm, kind and nice will just be magnetically come to you. Next thing you know, you are in a good group of intelligent, smart, kind, nice, and caring individuals! You will be in a good group without even trying, and you will be happy too because you are just naturally "yourself"
I'm around your age and also one of the stragglers. In life in general, I just never fit in no matter how hard or little I try, so I learned to just go with the flow.
In my class, I consider myself to have friends, but at the same time not friends in the traditional lets go out for drinks and share my life story sense. There were a handful of us at the beginning of the first, all of different ages, that came together with the thought of a study group. Some have become really close with some of the others, and others just have varying degrees of friendship. These are my people. They are the people that I feel like have my back (as I have theirs), we encourage each other, and are more than willing to help each other out, etc., but I'm also not too close and sharing every detail of my life. I feel comfortable with them, but I don't get too comfortable (a personal preference as I know from experience that I can be too trusting and trust the wrong people).
I felt really awkward this semester as I don't know anyone on my clinical day and they are all pretty much in their own groups. It bothered me at first, but I've become friendly with a few. Not like "my people", but I'm friendly with them, but am also kind of off on my own. It doesn't bother me so much now.
I think do what is comfortable to you. There are definitely benefits to becoming friends with the RIGHT people, but I also agree that you should also be careful about who you are confiding in and about what.
who are fresh out of high school. There are the "mean girls" who aren't really THAT mean but they are a lil rough and i try to steer clear. There's a very tight knit group (with a couple people that work together too) that always seem to be laughing, getting decent grades, and enjoying themselves (even getting together outside of school on occasion) The rest of us are just sort of stragglers. I'm always pleasant and friendly, and make it a point to get along with everyone. but i don't have an ally, you know? There is someone in my clinical group that i get along really well with (or at least i did first term clinicals) Assuming we end up in the same clinical groups for term 2 (just started 2 weeks ago) hopefully that will be the same. For now she's with the young'n group while we're doing academics, though we're still chatty and friendly of course.
Pls don't try to be someone else just to "fit in". Just always be yourself! And those people who are like you will just be automatically be magnetized to come to you. For example, if you are a warm and kind woman, the nursing students who are warm, kind and nice will just be magnetically come to you. Next thing you know, you are in a good group of intelligent, smart, kind, nice, and caring individuals! You will be in a good group without even trying, and you will be happy too because you are just naturally "yourself"
direw0lf, BSN
1,069 Posts
My program starts in our sophomore year so I'm with the same group for 2 1/2 years. So maybe that's why I'm saying the opposite of most of the replies you got, but it's been really helpful to have friends! We text each other when we're frustrated, with questions or if we didn't remember if the teacher said this or that, we eat lunch together and talk about different nursing subjects, and help each other with homework and studying. I'm not in the "in group" but I made a couple close friends, then the rest I'm just open to and help them. Not everyone will help back if you need it but it won't hurt, you don't have to go out of your way much or anything. The oldest in my class I think is around 40 and she's made about 3 close friends (we're mostly 19) and everyone likes her.