12 months seems like forever!

SoundofMusic · May 25, 2008

I know what you mean. I'm in a real pickle with the contract thing -- I had the hospital pay for my schooling, and I did the ECCO course, plus orientation -- I think I would owe something like $12K if I tried to leave - and my obligation is 18 months!!!!! I mean -- I'm seriously considering taking out a loan to pay that sucker back so I can leave and go where I want if I want to leave -- I just don't know if I can stick it out for 18 months -- it's pitiful!!

And the contract thing is ridiclous, if you ask me. I ask -- $2,000 for what? Do they give that to the preceptors who worked to orient us if we leave and actually pay it back? Doubtful.

It's why I demanded a better preceptor than who they started me with -- I figured if I was in a contract, it was THEIR duty to provide me a better orientation and I didn't feel one bit bad about it.

kck605 · May 25, 2008

I don't start working until the second week of June. But I am going to look at it this way. It may seem long now, but it really isn't...one year isn't that long. If you just forget about going somewhere else and focus on what you are doing, it will go much faster. Just like nursing school...it was SOOO stressful, but if you focused instead of counting down days, it went a whole lot faster. It did for me anyway. Plus it will look better on your resume to have 1 whole year instead of a few months at one place. Hang in there! :up:

mom2michael, MSN, RN, NP · May 25, 2008

What you are feeling is normal and is expected for a new grad at 2 months. Does it make it any easier or any less painful????? NO, it doesn't.

However, jumping ship at 2 months, before you've really given yourself time to figure out how to be a nurse isn't going to resolve those feelings either, in fact you are only trading one set of problems for yet another set and you know that.

M/S is a hard area but it's an area that is going to give you such a core background, broad shoulders and confidence to sail thru another chapter in your life when the time is right.

Stick it out for another 10 months. In that 10 months though, really focus on what you like about your job, what you don't like and where you see yourself in 5-10 years.

On your days off, reward yourself with something FUN for yourself. If you have some friends at work, plan a day out and about. Go to the movies, rent a movie, eat an entire x-large package of M&M's, take a walk, get a dog to occupy your time. Call some friends. Surf the net. Do something that makes you happy on your days off and don't worry so much about work. 4 days a week are YOUR days. Only let work have you those 3 days and nothing more!!!!!

If you think the only way to make it bearable is that PRN job, then do it. Just don't suffer from burn out in the end. But sometimes change in your routine is good.

That first year sucks. There is no good way to put that and there is nothing you can do but put on the big girl panties and go to work everyday. God only knows how many days I wished I didn't have to work and how many times I wished I could've called in......

You can do this!!! I know you can!!!! In 10 months you'll look back and say...WOW.....I've come so far and now I have 12 whole months of experience. I now can go anywhere.....my agreement is paid....I'm FREEEEEEEE!!!!!! That will be a HUGE relief for you I'm sure.

THEN it will be time to figure out your next step in life.

SoundofMusic · May 25, 2008

Thanks for the pep talk, MomtoMichael. Sometimes we need to hear it.

I have already really started enjoying my days off. I just love them. No matter what, I am not at work and it just makes the days all the sweeter. I garden, I shop, I eat out w/ my kids, go to their school events, and just organize around the house. I treat myself also to pedicures, nice haircuts/color, new clothes, watch movies, etc. I've started to feel as if I"m on vacation half the time.

I also realize the grass may not be greener, or at least we'd be trading one set of problems for another. That is true -- but the first year is such a bear -- it just seems like a high price to pay when your'e so miserable at times.

I will either be entirely over it after 18 months, and comfortable in my job, or I will be high tailing it OUT one minute after it's up. I also often look at the future, what I'l do next, masters degree - whatever. It helps me to realize it's NOT forever.

imanedrn · May 26, 2008

I know what you mean. I'm in a real pickle with the contract thing -- I had the hospital pay for my schooling, and I did the ECCO course, plus orientation -- I think I would owe something like $12K if I tried to leave - and my obligation is 18 months!!!!! I mean -- I'm seriously considering taking out a loan to pay that sucker back so I can leave and go where I want if I want to leave -- I just don't know if I can stick it out for 18 months -- it's pitiful!!
And the contract thing is ridiclous, if you ask me. I ask -- $2,000 for what? Do they give that to the preceptors who worked to orient us if we leave and actually pay it back? Doubtful.
It's why I demanded a better preceptor than who they started me with -- I figured if I was in a contract, it was THEIR duty to provide me a better orientation and I didn't feel one bit bad about it.

That's what I thought (re: "$2000 for what?")! In any case, good for you, asking for a different preceptor. I "hinted" that my preceptor wasn't "precepting" me very well, but I wasn't assertive enough and ended up staying with her. Sadly, when I went on my own, it was like being thrown to the wolves with all the stuff she had NOT taught me -- definitely NOT worth $2000! (I complained enough about that in the "hospitals suck at orientation" BB though...)

I know I can stick it out, I just don't want to :selfbonk:

In reality, though, where am I gonna' go with only 4 months of experience? I'd have to start as a NG somewhere else! :banghead:

imanedrn · May 26, 2008

I don't start working until the second week of June. But I am going to look at it this way. It may seem long now, but it really isn't...one year isn't that long. If you just forget about going somewhere else and focus on what you are doing, it will go much faster. Just like nursing school...it was SOOO stressful, but if you focused instead of counting down days, it went a whole lot faster. It did for me anyway. Plus it will look better on your resume to have 1 whole year instead of a few months at one place. Hang in there!

Your advice is so on point... Unfortunately, I'm one of those types that is ALWAYS looking at the obviously greener grass on EVERYONE else's lawn (said with MUCHO sarcasm, as I'm old enough to know better :selfbonk: ) ! I'm never satisfied in the present and always looking to the future: Where else could I be / what ELSE could I be doing right now :confused:

I even have a countdown clock on my MySpace :lol2:

imanedrn · May 26, 2008

Thanks for the pep talk, MomtoMichael. Sometimes we need to hear it.
I have already really started enjoying my days off. I just love them. No matter what, I am not at work and it just makes the days all the sweeter. I garden, I shop, I eat out w/ my kids, go to their school events, and just organize around the house. I treat myself also to pedicures, nice haircuts/color, new clothes, watch movies, etc. I've started to feel as if I"m on vacation half the time.
I also realize the grass may not be greener, or at least we'd be trading one set of problems for another. That is true -- but the first year is such a bear -- it just seems like a high price to pay when your'e so miserable at times.
I will either be entirely over it after 18 months, and comfortable in my job, or I will be high tailing it OUT one minute after it's up. I also often look at the future, what I'l do next, masters degree - whatever. It helps me to realize it's NOT forever.

Unlike you (and paragraph #2), I think I spend TOO MUCH time doing what you mention in paragraph #4. And while I'm in full agreement with paragraph #3, I can't seem to get over paragraph #4! :banghead:

My countdown seems to help (sometimes :confused: ) though!...

Virgo_RN, BSN, RN · May 26, 2008

I think you've already identified your own patterns that are making things tougher on you. That's the first step.

I can add to what you've already heard and know, that it does get better. I'm ten months in, and even the craziest shifts feel much, MUCH more manageable now.

imanedrn · May 27, 2008

In brighter news, I had a GREAT day. (Please please please don't jinx Wednesday...)

I actually got to work a tad later (around 0630) than I normally do (around 0620). When I got there, my mind was all fuzzy because I was in pain (twisted my ankle yesterday), so I was moving around at a much slower pace than normal. On top of that, when I went to my pod (split down the middle: 1 nurse on the left, 1 nurse on the right) and asked if a nurse had been there yesterday (general courtesy: if a nurse was there the previous day and you were NOT, then you better give her back her side!), the nurse on the left told me YES, she was on the LEFT side. So I went back to the nurse's station to get the Kardex's for the ROGHT side. They weren't there.

No other nurses were around (in particular, the nurse with whom I was sharing the pod), so I was like *** are they? Long story short... I finally got them and ended up on the RIGHT side. I briefly reviewed the Kardex's and was ready for report around 0653.

So 0705 rolls around, and I'm nearing the middle of report with the night nurse on the RIGHT side. Suddenly, I hear the day nurse complaining behind my back that she wanted the RIGHT side because she was split yesterday (had 3 patients on both sides) and the RIGHT side was easier and she (referring to ME) called in sick yesterday. (Why don't you say it to my face instead of whimpering behind my back?! :trout: ) I just ignored her, figuring that the night nurse would have held the side for her if it was a big deal. And, more to the point, I only took that side because the other nurse told me that the LEFT was taken! Once I found out the patients were easier, though, and I knew I was limited in my ambulating abilities (see also: can **I** get an order for PT doc??), AND she's the LEAST nice (just not very... how would you put it... friendly... in general), I didn't mind at all

I WAS busy all sneazing day with orders, BUT I didn't have to run around like a headless chicken and KILL my stupid foot in the process.

I followed up right proper on a HOLIDAY. I'm so sneazing proud of myself

snortzmom · May 27, 2008

My 12 months is up tomorrow! Those first couple of months off orientation were horrible! I would say that around month 8 (includes orientation) I started to feel relatively comfortable. I can now handle (I am in ER) a patient load of 3-4 critical patients, though I don't hesitate at all to ask for help with things I have never seen before.. I still feel overwhelmed sometimes (ie: Sunday night I had a 6 month old who had had open heart surgery a week before.. Came in with mild congestion.. Became bradycardic during IV start and couldn't get his heart rate up afterwards.. Ended up coding, stabilized, sent to PICU, now is ok) but that is when I realize my limits as a 1st year nurse, and call in the 10 year nurse(s) to help me. Stick with it through the year. Plus, you really do need more med-surg experience to do Home Health :) You need to be able to recognize when things aren't right because it is really easy to get sued if you don't have the experience and miss something.. Good luck! Stick with it! Kirsten

jjjoy, LPN · May 27, 2008

When/If you're feeling like you just don't have what it takes, put the burden back on the facility and tell yourself that given how new you are, it's up to your manager - and not you - to decide if it's not working out. You do what you can, prioritize with assistance, and then pass on what still needs attention - even if it's a lot. THAT is being a responsible new nurse. What more can you do?

The manager may decide that you're not where they need you to be, but let them determine that, no need to pre-empt that. As long as they're scheduling you, assume that they're satisfied with your work. Of course, they and your colleagues will almost always want MORE (esp since you're new and WILL be slower), and they won't hesitate to tell you, but if they let you come back, take that as the pat on the back that you may not be getting for what you HAVE accomplished . They've decided that you're doing well enough.

Every time something doesn't get done or a colleague points out something that could've been done differently, try to let it slide... you ARE new, you ARE only human, you CAN'T do everything all the time, you WILL miss things, you WON'T be as efficient as the experienced folks and will have to pass off tasks that others don't.

I used to feel rather horrified to hear experienced nurses say things like "well, at least I didn't kill anyone today." I'd think that "uh, if THAT'S all you have accomplished, what exactly HAVE you been doing?" But now I think I get it more. And I think it can be a darn good coping mechanism. A mechanism to take the sting out of each not-done-quite-right, didn't-get-that-done-at-all, had-no-idea-what-to-do situations that relentlessly fly at you some days. A kind of emotional armor to deflect the arrows of self-doubt and negative self-judgement... "well, here are all of these things that didn't go right, didn't get done... x, y, z, q, r, s, etc but, hey, I didn't kill anyone today. So overall, it was a GOOD day and I CAN be proud of my work."

I probably wouldn't use those exact words, perhaps instead, "no one crashed on my watch" and if someone DID crash "I handled that crash and the patient got the care they needed" and if hadn't gone smoothly "I did what I could and got the necessary assistance."

I'd have to remind myself of the many things I DID do... they could be incredibly "little" --- gave meds to the right patients, pulled up the correct insulin dosage, got a patient on a bedpan and avoided an accident, transcribed a new order (even if I didn't manage to actually carry it out), etc.

Focus on two or three new things learned that day and then close in the input slot for critiques, including critiques from one self. "I learned this and that. That's progress. When that new stuff has settled, there will be room for more. But for now my cup is full. Any more critiques will have to wait for another time. If it's not an issue of a patient's ABCs right NOW, it will just have to wait. Can't know all things at all times and that's okay."

(Pieces of self-talk I developed for myself to keep from driving myself crazy with second-guessing and feelings of fear and incompentence).