7 months in and I'm finally feeling good

[ER(notso)n00b, ASN, RN]

I started as new grad in a very busy inner city Emergency Department in July. It's a 24 bed ER with a daily census of over 200, if that gives you any clue. Large homeless and impoverished population. Total madness. Ratio is 4:1, and they can be 4 serious/critical patients, but usually more of a mix between stable and critical. We don't usually have the staffing to go down to 2:1 when we have ICU patients, so teamwork is a must. I am a bit of an introvert so it has been a somewhat difficult transition.

I've been reading this forum since I started, and I can totally sympathize with all of the "My new job gives me anxiety" posts that I see here. It's tough! Nursing school teaches you so much, but it doesn't do a good job of preparing you for the real world of nursing. The one with real responsibilities, patients circling the drain, policies that must be followed, time restraints, unsafe ratios, lying liars who lie and manipulate (drug seekers, anyone?) and office politics. Where patients hit and kick and bite (this just happened to a coworker!), and call you every name in the book. I've gone through bouts of insomnia since starting my job, and days riddled with anxiety. I've seriously thought about quitting and going back to being a stay-at-home-mom so many times. But I'm holding on for dear life, because I'm stubborn like that.

And things are starting to fall into place. I'm getting to know my co-workers, so that team aspect is developing. I'm learning to filter the BS so I can focus on the really important stuff. My time management is improving A LOT, and I'm beginning to trust my judgement. I'm honing my assessment skills and starting to listen to that inner voice that says something isn't right. I feel more confident that I can handle whatever is thrown at me, especially since I know I can count on my co-workers. Those feelings of dread are going away. Sometimes I sorta look forward to going to work, wondering what kind of cool/crazy stuff I will get to see and do. I've experienced full arrests, active GI bleeds, DKA, GSWs, 5150's, STEMI's, resp. failure, and all of the standard abd. pain/CP/fractures/fevers/cough/need-a-sandwichitis's that come through our doors. And with every experience, I learn something new. I forgive myself for what I didn't know before, and vow to do better next time (I think that's an important thing to do).

I wanted to share this to let people know that it does get better. Everyone says it does, and I was really wondering if that would ever happen for me, or if I just wasn't meant for this. But it truly does. I'm still such a noob with so many more things to learn, but it doesn't scare me anymore. I hope you find this same comfort in your new job.

[NGYSUN, BSN, MSN, RN]

Great post.... I admire your attitude...and yes I certainly agree with you, it REALLY DOES GET BETTER! ! :)

[nursel56]

Great post! Hoping lots of people who have that very common and very normal feeling "will I ever get this?" will read it and feel more hopeful about themselves. Thanks for writing it.

[scaredsilly, BSN, RN]

Perfect attitude for success. I am in my 6th month and finding the same as you that the stress is decreasing and I am actually enjoying my job at last. Good luck with continued success!!!! To both of us!

[wayfinder]

I like your attitude! Thanks for sharing, I'm going into my 3rd month of my first RN job and it's good to hear it gets better

[ER(notso)n00b, ASN, RN]

Thanks for the replies! That's what I love about this forum, that we all understand what it's like starting out and can support one another. Best of luck to you both, scaredsilly (awesome name btw!) and wayfinder! Here's to many more years of improving our skills!

[lorichka6]

Thanks for posting. I just started in July too and it was just a few weeks ago when it suddenly dawned on me that I was sleeping through the night with no work-anxiety dreams :) I too thought that day might never come - even though everyone said it would! Thanks for taking the time to write this up!

[ER(notso)n00b, ASN, RN]

Awesome! isn't it a great feeling? Glad to hear things are going well for others too. :)