This may be a bit personal for my first post, but I'd really like to hear everyone's opinions.
My fiance and I have been talking about when would be the best time for us to start a family. I originally thought it would be best to wait until I was completely done with school. I have a bachelors in biology and will be graduating from an Accelerated BSN program in December. I hope to start right out in L and D to get the experience that many of my prospective midwifery schools want from their applicants. If all goes according to plan I could start midwifery school in the Fall of 2010 and graduate spring 2012.
For those of you that are current midwifery students or who have gotten advice from others on this issue, would I be crazy if I decided to have a baby before midwifery school starts? It would mean having a 6-month old (probably) and starting school. I could also wait until Fall 2011 to start school and then have a toddler. Would it just make more sense to wait until I've finished school?
My fiance is concerned that if we keep putting it off there will always be a reason to wait and that with both of our careers there won't ever be an absolutely perfect time.
I have a bit of a different perspective but I give it w/ the disclaimer that I have never been pg during school (I am just now taking pre-req's w/ a 3 year old son at home).
My dh and I got married very young and wanted to start having kids right away. Everyone told us we had plenty of time, we were so young, yada yada yada. LONG story short, we dealt w/ unexplained IF for three years before finally getting pregnant.
So definetly do what's best for you and your fiance, but don't fall into the line of thinking you have "plenty of time" and end up having children much much later than you had planned.
If you don't mind having children in your thirties or so on, then I guess waiting really wouldn't be such a big deal. I was not comfortable w/ the thought of just beginning motherhood at that age (for many personal reasons) so i'm glad we started right trying right away so that three years of infertility didn't put me in the spot of having to decide if I wanted to be a mom later on in life.
I have been thinking about what Smark35 and Mom2micheal have said and here is what I have decided...
First of all, I have quit my tele job and am now orienting to L&D. Since I left my last job I have been on a normal schedule, meaning I get to sleep at night. I didn't realize how hard straight nights were. I thought I had it under control but now realize that part of my problem was that I was purely exhausted! I have also cut my schedule back to 75%.
As far as grad school goes, I'm going for it!
There is never a "right time" to go to grad school, just like there is never a "right time" to have a baby. I will be going to school part time, so with a 75% schedule at work, part time school and day care I think I will be okay.
We are insane to think that we could sell our house and break even right now with the economy the way it is (all the more reason to get my CNM now). Therefore, buying a new home will have to wait a while.
Since I left tele, I am finding myself loving my family the way I knew I did. My husband and I are getting along, I'm nice to him and my little ones, and I even took my kids to the zoo today which I never could have done on my straight night schedule just becuase I was always too tired to do anything.
I want to be a CNM more than anything.
On my first day at L&D, I cried the whole way to work becuase I am just so grateful to begin my journey of midwifery.
I do have a lot to learn in L&D. I spent all of my third day being a doula by accident. It wasn't part of this weeks orientation, I just threw my nursing skills aside and focused on the laboring mom. I cry every shift it seems. I feel like I am in my element.
I am 39 years old and don't feel like I have time to wait. I am afraid that if I put school off now then I am in danger of putting it off forever. This is what I went to nursing school for. If it wasn't for "my calling" to midwifery I never would have made it through my BSN program. I feel that by not going I am violating my soul. Does this sound a little wierd?
I will be speaking with my new manager next week regarding my schedule. I think I will have to work 50-50, but I am going to see what I can do to work more days than nights.
I realize that CNM's get called at night and that is okay. I think it's a spiritual journey so helping a mom give birth can only fill me up with love and gratitude. Right?
I think I should stop writing now, I am sounding like a wierdo.
Thanks for your support. I really needed to hear what you both had to say.:redpinkhe
I'm glad your decision is one you feel good about. Follow your heart. It rarely leads you astray. :) Good luck to you! And I know what you mean about straight nights. I did it once and I was a totally different person. I couldn't imagine doing it with children. I know it works very well for some people, but I could never adjust to sleeping during the day, so I just didn't sleep. Keep us posted about your journey! Shannon
I'm so glad that you made the decision that's gonna effect YOU the best. I just know wonderful things are gonna happen for you!!!!!
Instead of crying daily, I cry weekly now so it really does get better. And believe me, I know that "being out of your element" thing. It's a crazy, wild ride sometimes in L&D but then I get a totally awesome birth with some awesome parents and it's worth every single second of my orientation no matter how crazy it's been.
And no, you are not a weirdo. My passion for my moms/babies is what keeps me sane at work and is what keeps me pluggin' along at my final dream with is CNM. Even on the days I think, I can't do this anymore - I think.....NO, I have to do this because I want to be a Midwife.
I think now that you've made peace with what you want in life, everything else will fall into play now for you and your family.
I know this is an old post, but I have been thinking about this issue a lot lately so I just wanted to get it off my chest...
I've been realizing over the course of the past year that what I really want to do is become a midwife, and have decided to go back to school and do an Accelerated BSN/MSN program for nursing/midwifery. I've been working in public health, and would really like to combine midwifery with a public health perspective, so I'm thinking about doing a combined MPH/MSN degree through Columbia. This is a lot of school ahead of me and while I'm excited for it, I'm also wondering when on earth I'm going to start the family I've always wanted.
I'm 26 now and, because I can't apply to nursing school until next year, will be 28 when I enter. I'll have a BSN at 29 and be a CNM at 31. If I do the combined degree I'll get my MPH a year later, when I'm 32.
I know 31 or 32 isn't too late to have children by any means, but I feel like it's kind of pushing it if you know you want to have more than one. What if I have fertility problems? What if it just takes a while to get pregnant? (What if, heaven help me, I want to continue on to the DNP or DrPH?!)
On the other hand, my very-soon-to-be husband and I could start trying right after we get married, which will mean I'm entering nursing school with a one year old. He is a very supportive man, and we have been together for 5 years already, but the timing seems off: the before-nursing school scenario is sooner than I had imagined having a child (and seriously, doing an accelerated BSN when you have a one year old?!!) but 31 or 32 is later than we had imagined starting to try - we'll have been together for 10 years at that point, enough already!
Does anyone have any thoughts on this? The whole thing makes me wish I'd figured this out just a few years earlier in life...
I am 26 years old, just had my first baby he will be 3 months old...by the time i start graduate school he will be 6 months old..I will be working full time and doing the program part time. It's doable!
I had my son during my Accelerated BSN. It really wasn't terrible- the worst part was trying to find time to pump at clinicals. I just graduated and passed the boards. I am about 85% sure I am getting a job in Mom/Baby at the facility where I worked as a CNA. After 6 months on mom/baby I can cross train to L&D. I am also starting my MSN in August. My son will be 16 months old at that time. I am doing grad school part time- and I can do my didactic course work online for the first 2/3 of the program. it is possible that we may try for another little one at some point during my MSN.
While I know that nursing will be much more challenging than my CNA job and my MSN will be much more challenging than my BSN, I know that I worked, went to school and had a baby all at the same time. I may be crazy to do it again- but I think it is doable. You just have to go with your gut. Only you know what you are capable of.
Thanks, arabianeyez and Work in Progress. I really admire people who manage to juggle these things all at once! After posting this I realized it was really difficult for me to imagine having a small child and doing the Accelerated BSN - personally, I'm just not sure I could deal with the stress. :) I'll try to get through that first and then see how I feel about things.
peytonsmom
274 Posts
I have a bit of a different perspective but I give it w/ the disclaimer that I have never been pg during school (I am just now taking pre-req's w/ a 3 year old son at home).
My dh and I got married very young and wanted to start having kids right away. Everyone told us we had plenty of time, we were so young, yada yada yada. LONG story short, we dealt w/ unexplained IF for three years before finally getting pregnant.
So definetly do what's best for you and your fiance, but don't fall into the line of thinking you have "plenty of time" and end up having children much much later than you had planned.
If you don't mind having children in your thirties or so on, then I guess waiting really wouldn't be such a big deal. I was not comfortable w/ the thought of just beginning motherhood at that age (for many personal reasons) so i'm glad we started right trying right away so that three years of infertility didn't put me in the spot of having to decide if I wanted to be a mom later on in life.