Mentors and friends, I have been contemplating, advice on where do i go from here?

[willowRN]

Since I've no one else to talk to. I essentially bear my own cross, of course I still believe with God's help. I've been thinking about the nursing profession I've gotten myself into. Looking back, I know that it was a conscious decision on my part still if you ask before and ask me now, will I want to be a nurse if I were or my family were financially stable? My honest answer would be, No. I love the idea of helping people but I believe there are other ways I can more effectively do that. Plans that would only come to life if I were in a better financial situation. And I am not, which is the main reason I stuck with nursing, because I am the breadwinner of my mom & dad & siblings. We wouldn't survive the bills and mortgage without my share. It wasn't always like this, we weren't affluent but we get by fine but my dad went bankrupt on a wrong business deal suddenly on my senior college year and suddenly the world rests on my shoulders. I have the biggest potential to earn good in the family.

I grew up in two countries US and the other, I finished college in the latter. I didn't realize how hard it is to get a job going back here. And then there's the thing i am very young and i look young so when employers interview me, adding to my lack of experience is that I feel they are, even if they were not supposed to get biased because of my age. I do even if i don't want to understand them. It is hard to trust someone so young, sometimes if i can be vulnerable here, I feel terribly afraid of the real world, nurses has an incredible amount of responsibility, and most of them are a lot older than i am. I feel like I would crumble from the expectation to a young, inexperienced nurse. and what i have been dreading to happen, happened when my first boss i actually felt has already made up her mind and terminated me without due reasons. i may be afraid but i made sure i learned everything, still i could not fight their decision no matter how unfair they blew my minor mistakes into a major proportion. That if it were a more mature looking or a nurse with an experience, they would just let it go. I know this, because I see it. I guess what i'm saying is that i'm having a very hard time picking up the courage to work as a young, inxperienced nurse, knowing i will smothered in the work environment, and some bosses will treat me unfairly.

I need a livelihood it's been a couple of weeks, no return calls whatsoever from the places I applied. I am scared and overwhelmed by the change I need to do with myself and with the education gap I have to fill. I would like to get certifications but I need money. I was a CNA, can I still do it even though I'm an RN i do not want to but no one would hire me and the bills won't wait. Please Lord, I thank you I am young but I feel so old with the responsibilities you've given me. I feel like losing my mind, and drifting farther from you for I do not know the right course of action. I have lost my belief in myself, I grew up in an occasionally emotionally abusive environment. And when I lost my job, it came back I am STUPID again but I can't give up on them, I know they are good people they are just broken like me by the problems. Still, it doesn't help that i get demeaning words 24/7 when I am very broken already, I could not muster my recovery as a result. I've thought of moving out temporarily but I dont have a job and if i do they'll only be broken more.

what do you see of my situation? i am sorry i am not very clear. I guess i just want a release. and i want answers to questions i dont even know how to phrase. Thank you and God bless you all I do not wish you to be burden the way that I am, I hope when you read this, you wouldn't be bothered too much

[jollydogg_RN, ADN, BSN]

Nursing is a harsh, cruel reality. Nothing in school could have prepared you for anything you experienced on the job.

Sorry you're going through what you're going through, but I totally understand why you wouldn't do nursing if you had an alternative that made more money.

Hoping you get things straightened out as I have seen numerous people in your situation, close friends even.

[AndyyD]

I can't imagine how difficult it must be not only with the steep learning curve that is the beginning of your career, but also having to support your family. The only thing I can say is that you will need to have faith in yourself and some persevearance - you got your education to begin with which should remind you that you deserve to be in the industry. Stick with it, you will be rewarded in the long-term.

One of my friends is a carpenter. He is one year older than me but earns twice the money I do, and I doubt he carries as much weight on his shoulders as the average nurse does. Is it fair? Not really, but I get enjoyment out of my job that I'm sure he will never find in his.

If I were filthy rich I would still do nursing, not for a crust but for the satisfaction. It's not always the nicest environment but when I'm having trouble at work (management once put me in tears) I just try to block it out and look at how my patients are perceiving me - if they are happy with the care that I'm giving them then I don't have to justify myself to anybody else in the hospital.

Stay strong mate! We have faith in you :)

[TheMoonisMyLantern, ADN, LPN, RN]

Willow, your post sounds so broken hearted. I wish you only the best in your future endeavors. You WILL succede as a nurse and you will find an employer who will take the time to allow you to become confident in your skills and knowledge, it may take time but it will happen.

Things will get better, just keep up the aggressive job search but make sure to take time for yourself, lick your wounds and keep your head held high.

[P_RN, ADN, RN]

You hit the market right when there was a tough time gettting jobs. Believe it or not about 3 years ago there were too many nurses graduating. Look into some non traditional jobs such as assisted living, agency, what I call doc in a box (urgent care) it will get you out into the market and get some skills to put on those applications you are still sending out. If you're near a state line look over there. My niece did that and has been working in Georgia for nearly 16 years. Please don't gove up. You time is right around the corner.

[WillowNMe]

I would definitely try to reconnect with some classmates or find people who are supportive of you. I would think it is very frustrating to be a large financial supporter of the people that are belittling you. I don't know if you have, but maybe you need to take a day or two break. Go some where you can relax - even if its a friend's house, hotel, bed and breakfast, etc. Take some deep breaths and then try hitting the market again. I agree with others - look into agencys, LTC, Urgent Care and schools.

[Chin up]

Trust Him.

[sweetnurse63, BSN, RN]

Hi Willow, first of all, I would like to tell you not to give up and to still trust God. A lot of nurses (experienced and non-experienced) get fired including myself. You have made such a great accomplishment by becoming a nurse which makes you a highly educated young lady. Sometimes our loved ones or whomever, will say hurtful things when we lose our jobs which can sometimes be due to intimidation or other reasons. When I was terminated for no credible reason at all, I had to encourage myself and realize that God would bless me with another job. Yes!!!!! Nursing is not easy and you will have those days when you question "why" you entered the profession. Experience will only make us experts at what we do, pray that you will find your niche in nursing, it is possible outside of the hospital setting, in which i struggle with myself. You can Make it!!!!!! Failure should never be an option!!!!!!!! The right job will come at the right time, try: career builders, monster jobs.com, and urgent care facilities. I pray that you will find a job soon. Please do not apply for CNA jobs, because you are a nurse with a license, something will break, you'll see.:)