Ruby Vee, BSN, RN 165,221 Views
Joined: Jun 28, '02;
Posts: 14,167 (73% Liked)
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Leaving is courageous because it is both difficult and scary. Where do you go? How to start over? How to not repeat the same pattern again if you take a chance on another relationship?
I had a past experience with an unhealthy relationship, and watched my mom struggle with an abusive relationship with my father. It's not as cut and dry as those outside of the relationship believe it to be. Sometimes cutting off your own arm would be easier than making a clean break.
My deepest respect to you for breaking free from two unhealthy relationships. And hugs.
Thank you being brave enough to share your history of abuse. If it helps even one person this article may truly become a life save.
As I read your story, I have found myself nodding in agreement over and over. I wish I had been as brave as you. I waited until he cheated on me for a year, and found indisputable proof (which I read over and over to convince me). I had seen texts and pictures during that last year, but my mind kept finding reasons to deny it. He only pushed me once, but I still have the holes in the bedroom door to remind me of how lucky I was. We have been divorced for five years, and he has found reasons to call me, although I am not allowed to call or text him (not that I would want to). He continues to verbally abuse me, criticizing my clothing or telling me the house was not clean enough (He knows I am a bit of a hoarder and do have clutter.) One of our children is 12 so I have six more years I have to deal with this.
I am so glad you were able to escape (and not unscathed, as it remains in your memories). Kudos to you for sharing. I am very glad I read this today.
Thanks Ruby from another who has stepped off into the unknown without a safety net. ❤️
Since I read this I can't get one of my favorite Dixie Chick songs out of my mind...sallyrnrrt
Dixie Chicks - Goodbye Earl - YouTube
#MeToo Ruby! But we're better now!
Thank you for sharing your story.
While leaving my ex, I wish I had heard more stories like yours. The reaction of "I won't judge you if you stay." "Maybe you'll work through this." "It's hard to leave and restart your life, it may be easier to stay." that I got from people when I would tell them about the years of emotional/physical abuse was shocking. I almost felt like people didn't want me to get out of it. You're right - no one tells you that you're being brave unless they have been in the same situation and know the struggle. Putting it on a public platform will hopefully reach someone that needs to see this. Thank you again
Thank you for sharing your story. I had a similar situation circa 1970's. I fell head over heals in love, dated for 1.5 years and got married. No signs before the marriage, but 1 month after the wedding the abuse started, escalating just like you described. I was embarrassed I so didn't tell anyone. My family and friends suspected, but when they asked me I would lie about how I got the black eyes, bruises etc. I called the police twice, the first time there were no visible signs (because he had beat my head on the floor and kicked my abdomen) so the police didn't do anything. The second time I called I was obviously beaten, bruised and bloody, I thought they would have to do something this time, nope, even though there I sat, shaken, battered and bloodied they still didn't do anything, just said something like, this is between a husband and wife. I stayed for 10 months until I figured out that the abuse (although it was rarely called abuse back then) would not change, it was an extremely difficult decision on many levels, but one I never regretted.
While I don't blame any individual police (because that is just how is was back then, sadly) I am glad that things have changed over the years. We now have much more education and support services available, and the police have changed policies. I hope that anyone who finds themselves in a situation of abuse will realize that abusers rarely (if ever) change, and find/have the inner strength to do what is necessary to be safe (both physically and emotionally). Tell the people in your life that you trust and let them help you!
And Ruby, thanks again for sharing, I hope others will be empowered by these stories, and I wish you well (hope the cancer is gone!).
Thank you a thousand times for sharing your story. Your story is a caution and an inspiration, and you are brave to have done what you needed to do to survive and brave to tell the story.
Tragically, I think domestic violence is very common.
However, Ruby Vee is extraordinary. I am so grateful you were brave and are with us to share this testimony.
Thank you, Our Treasured Ruby Vee for sharing your story that is both heartbreaking - and inspiring.
I know for certain that leaving an unsafe situation takes strength beyond measure and remodels you. You come out different on the other side. A health crisis that threatens your life changes you.
Courage does not mean you are not afraid. It just means you ACT when you have to do the scary things.
Life is short, even in its longest days. Choose safe. Choose peace. Choose joy.
I'm blown away. I've always believed people couldn't go six months without their true colours emerging. To be the perfect partner for two whole years and then drop the mask like a rock...that is incredibly calculating. It would be impossible for prospective partners to see red flags when someone is that skilled of a liar.
Ruby, I'm so glad you got out. Thanks for sharing this powerful story.
I left someone who would have probably been physically abusive. All the signs were there. He was emotionally abusive, would break things, and even hurt himself one time. (I honestly think he wanted to hurt me but hurt himself instead). I constantly made excuses for his behavior. "Oh that's just him." "He has anger problems, I mean we all have emotional problems to some degree, right?" I'm so much better as a person since he's gone. Honestly, he was the one who broke up with me, but it was probably the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. You did something I couldn't, when I should have. You are very brave!
Thank you for sharing your story... you've posted about your situation in here before, and while my situation can't compare as most of my abuse was verbal, I can honestly say that your previous posts were an encouragement as I decided to get out.
The most physical my husband got was barred me from leaving the bedroom; I was trying to leave my house with my kids... well he couldn't let me because I was being a crazy woman and was a danger on the road. In trying to get out I bumped into the dresser and got a bruise on my flank area (granted it was very painful -- part of the bruise was more a hematoma) And he shoved me twice -- I stayed on my feet.
Again while it's not the same as endangering my life, I get what you say about there being no recipe.
My parents initially tried to encourage counseling... they told me I owed it to my kids to do everything I could... and he told my dad he was willing."
They said he was under so much stress at work. Well yes... he's the CFO of a hedge fund group. It's not an excuse to treat your wife like feces.
They said it was cultural... well he's lived in the US most of his adult life... and anyway his dad is NOTHING like he was as a husband. If he treated me how his dad treats his mom, I wouldn't be typing this reply.
My mom said I do need to keep house better... I bit my tongue SO hard. My mom leaves plenty of clutter. Not like hoarding or dirt... but clutter. Always has... and probably still would if my retired dad didn't take over housework.
Later after I gave them more details, my mom said "We knew you could never do anything right [in his eyes], but we had no idea how bad it was."
I remember thinking at the time though... WHY are they making excuses for him? Let's take life-threatening behavior out of the situation... if he were slapping me or other non-lethal physical abuse, would it be reasonable to blame stress or culture, or tell me I had a part in it?
Anyway, I appreciate everything you've shared today and previously. You helped me more than you know, and I believe your story will continue to encourage others.
Very brave indeed!! Excellent article. As ruby_jane mentioned. This could save someone else in a similar situation a lot of grief. It could be the catalyst to compel them into being brave too. God bless you.
Ruby, thank you for sharing your story. Your words will be a blessing to someone who is struggling.
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