Major disagreement with my preceptor...

[NewGradBSN]

OK, I'd love to hear some words from the wise about what happened -

I'm a new grad RN who recently started on the floor. I'm toward the end of my orientation and am working with a staff RN as preceptor. There's one RN who I work with whenever she works, but the other days I'm paired up with someone different each day.

What happened was I was teamed up with a nurse who seems to be the sore thumb on the floor. Every one else is kind, caring, helpful etc, while this nurse is just nasty to everyone. I usually get along very well with pple so I figured if I keep a low profile I'd survive the day with her. WRONG! This nurse was criticizing every move that I took *in front of the patients, doctors, and the nurse's asistant's*. She was nasty and rude when she could have just as well told me in private to correct certain things. I know I'm not dumb and stupid, and I also know that at this stage of the game there's a lot that I dont know. But to be treated this way the whole day was too much. My nurse manager wasnt in that day so I couldnt even go over to talk to her (not that I had the time to do that). I listened to her criticism the whole day, held it in quietly and was looking forward to day's end.

Toward the end of the day, the nurse educator came around to check up on me and see what I was doing. (She checks up on all new orientees each day on orientation). She asked how my day was going, and before I knew it I burst out crying. We went to a private area and I told her about my day. Apparently this wasnt new to her because she told me, quote: "It would've been better for you to work yourself, than to work with her. She was never meant to be a preceptor to anyone." We talked some more, and I cried the whole time. Then she told me to finish up only two more things and then give report to my preceptor and call it end of day already. She also told me that when my manager comes back to work she will speak to her about this whole scenario.

I went to wash my face while the nurse educator went to tell my preceptor that I had a rough day and I would just finish up a few more things and then go home, leaving the rest up to her. Well 10 minutes later when I went to give her report, she just stood there and screamed at me. "You have no right to go behind my back, you're ungrateful, etc...." It was horrible! I kept quiet and when she finished yelling I walked away and cried some more. My instructor told me to ignore her and just leave. She even escorted me off the floor.

Thats the story, but I know its just the beginning. I know that the whole unit is probably talking about this incident the whole weekend. Monday I'm going to have to obviously talk it over with my manager, and my nurse educator will be there too. Its not going to be a simple get it over with scenario, because action will be taken. This is a nurse that noone likes, and she walks around gossiping about others, like shes porbably doing about me right now. This incident didnt just involve 2 pple, it included other nurses, nruse's assistants...

Question is - what should I, and what should I not say when I speak to my manager (who happends to be very nice)? Do I tell all her about ALL the upleasant encounters I've had with her?

I feel so horrible about this story that i cant believe it happened. I dont cry in public, I usually get along every well with pple... Help! What do I do now?

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

A person like this has no business being a preceptor. And it sounds like she needs a LOA.

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

Billy5949. . .I am so sorry you had such a bad experience. My same sentiments to all those who are reading this and going through or have gone through the same thing. I had a very bad start as a new grad also. But, if you are determined to be a nurse, hang in there. I found many, many other jobs in my career that were absolutely wonderful and I worked with wonderful people. But, even in every wonderful place, there would often be one person coming along who was capable of making things miserable for everyone else. It happens. It's because we're all people and this is what happens when people have to get along. Plus, you are all now getting a taste of the kind of stress RN's are under every minute of their time on the job. That stress is a contributing factor.

It sounds like you have, or had, a Plan B. Everyone should have a Plan B in case things go wrong. Be careful about burning your bridges. For those who interview at several jobs and then after taking an offer from one, get an offer from another, I suggest you keep the line of communication open at the job you didn't take in case something doesn't work out at one place, so you can go back to the other and ask for employment. Most nurse recruiters are aware that a lot of new grads become disillusioned because they end up with awful preceptors or they weren't given the orientation they were promised. They are often aware of the hospitals that do this, and believe it or not will offer you employment because (1) they know you will be treated better at their facility, and (2) you've already undergone a big part of your orientation. I know about this because I was a nurse manager in a large city hospital and knew the nurse recruiter. She was sharp and part of her job was knowing which places were screwing over the new grads. She also knew that as a new grad most of you have no way of knowing what you are walking into when you start any job. Actually, none of us, new grad or old foggies at nursing, know what we are walking into when we start a new job. :chuckle If you've kept the line of communication open, it's easy enough to sit down and say, "Do you still have an opening for me? I had a terrible experience at XYZ hospital. I had no way of knowing this would happen over there, but they offered the job before you guys did, so I went for it. It was a mistake." I hope, Billy, that you find a better job.

[NewGradBSN]

thank you so much everyone for your replies! i knew this would be the right place to vent/discuss, simply because anyone not in nursing doesn’t really understand the whole situation.

ok, so this week my nm met saw me in the morning and told me when i got a chance she'd like to talk to me. (she's a really nice and kind nm). i told her a little bit about the day, not too much, but enough to get the idea across. she had already heard from the nurse educator that i had a rough day.

nm told me that she felt really bad b/c had she been there that day she would have never let this nurse precept. she said they've had problems with this nurse and other new grads before. this nm actually sits the nurse down from time to time and tells her point blank she needs to work on her interpersonal communication skills with her assistants, coworkers, patients etc. the nm also told me she would never precept me again, nor will she precept other new rns in the next long while, until she straightens out.

she said if the situation between her and me continues to be shaky (not as a preceptor, but just as a coworker) then i should definitely tell my nm and she will do something.

i feel so much better, especially b/c all the nurses on the floor totally understand me and realize right away that it was just an issue of being paired up with someone nasty.

about the crying, i know it wasn’t a great reaction, but hey, it’s not something i was able to control! =) i was holding in the criticism the whole day, and when nurse educator came around it all came out.

my only issue now is what do i do when i see this rn (our schedules haven’t coincided yet since that day). i don’t think i need to apologize, since i don’t see anything i need to apologize for (i’m not being stuck up at all. i have no problem apologizing if i would feel i could have acted differently in that situation). at the same time i really do want to make peace so at least we can greet each other with a smile... my nm claims she gets into these situations often and she easily blows it off and moves on. i'm not so like that... i don’t get into arguments with pple. the rare times that i do and i get hurt, i kind of remember it for a while. (i think that’s the downside of me being sensitive). i have no problem greeting her with a cheery hello, but i will feel two-faced doing that. i know you'll probably all recommend that i speak to her and discuss what occurred that day and how she/i felt. i however don’t think it’s the way to go. she’s not very rational in situations like this and she have a comeback for everything.

lets hear your suggestions....

(once again, thank you so much everyone for your thoughts on the matter.)

[Billy5949]

Billy5949. . .I am so sorry you had such a bad experience. My same sentiments to all those who are reading this and going through or have gone through the same thing. I had a very bad start as a new grad also. But, if you are determined to be a nurse, hang in there. I found many, many other jobs in my career that were absolutely wonderful and I worked with wonderful people. But, even in every wonderful place, there would often be one person coming along who was capable of making things miserable for everyone else. It happens. It's because we're all people and this is what happens when people have to get along. Plus, you are all now getting a taste of the kind of stress RN's are under every minute of their time on the job. That stress is a contributing factor.

It sounds like you have, or had, a Plan B. Everyone should have a Plan B in case things go wrong. Be careful about burning your bridges. For those who interview at several jobs and then after taking an offer from one, get an offer from another, I suggest you keep the line of communication open at the job you didn't take in case something doesn't work out at one place, so you can go back to the other and ask for employment. Most nurse recruiters are aware that a lot of new grads become disillusioned because they end up with awful preceptors or they weren't given the orientation they were promised. They are often aware of the hospitals that do this, and believe it or not will offer you employment because (1) they know you will be treated better at their facility, and (2) you've already undergone a big part of your orientation. I know about this because I was a nurse manager in a large city hospital and knew the nurse recruiter. She was sharp and part of her job was knowing which places were screwing over the new grads. She also knew that as a new grad most of you have no way of knowing what you are walking into when you start any job. Actually, none of us, new grad or old foggies at nursing, know what we are walking into when we start a new job. :chuckle If you've kept the line of communication open, it's easy enough to sit down and say, "Do you still have an opening for me? I had a terrible experience at XYZ hospital. I had no way of knowing this would happen over there, but they offered the job before you guys did, so I went for it. It was a mistake." I hope, Billy, that you find a better job.

Daytonite, what are you suggesting that I do? I hate to leave a job after such a short period time. Am I being a baby? I just feel like I've gotten off to such a bad start...

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

Daytonite, what are you suggesting that I do? I hate to leave a job after such a short period time. Am I being a baby? I just feel like I've gotten off to such a bad start...

Oh, I didn't expect a question like that from you. It sounded like you were working on looking for a new job since you said "I will be leaving my current position very soon. My plans are in the works." I would probably stick out the job for awhile unless it was so unbearable that it was making me physically ill or I was compiling a record that would cause problems when I did decide to change jobs.

So, I don't quite understand why you want to leave your place of employment. There are nasty people everywhere. Unless they are making your working life so miserable, you have to ask yourself if they are worth leaving your job--depending on what is going on with the other aspects of your job. One thing I have found over the years was that people come and go. A year can make a big difference in just who is working on any particular floor. New people added to a group as well as other people leaving will change the dynamics of a group as well. In general, I can't stress the importance about not getting involved with gossip. Just do your job and mind your own business and don't get into the gossip. If you can live with that, do you really need to leave the job? Other alternatives are that as soon as you can, apply for a transfer to another unit within the hospital. Quietly talk with the NM of a unit that sounds interesting to you, ask what goes on with that unit and if you like the responses you're getting quietly, again, discuss the possibility of transferring there. Once another manager knows you want to work for them and they agree with it, it's merely a formality to fill out the transfer form and for your current manager to let you go.

[Billy5949]

The reason I wish to leave my current position is because the RN manager and her buddy (my old preceptor) very much dislike me. I am terrified b/c I have to work with one of them for a night soon. I am preparing to be 'perfect' -as if I have been a nurse for 9 years-for fear of being criticized to all, including my RN educators, and for fear of being written up. It's like orientation is more survelliance vs. training!

The reason I am disliked, I don't know. The manager at some point had mentioned to all, for me to overhear, that new people must be humbled. ???? Apparently, I am considered too outgoing and talkative. My previous preceptor also mentioned that when she was on orientation, she did whatever her preceptor said. Additionally, when I was being written up, I told the writer upper she did the same thing. I told her when she did it, and to whom. I asked her what the difference was b/w what she did, and what I did. Boy was she pissed. Plus, before the mistake, I asked for help from preceptor and was ignored.

Now please don't get the idea that I run around like know-it-all princess. However, when I am being ridiculed in front of pts., being degraded in privacy, I tended to shy away. I tried to become much more independent in effort to not need the 'help' of my preceptor. One time -when I was making progress with the assignment of the evening- she came over to me and said 'you know you couldn't do all this w/o me'. ??????? Well, at some point I am going to have to!

I need to be proactive and aggressive in my learning. I can't run around looking down at the ground. It's a no win situation. I couldn't care less about who likes me or not. (well, I do. I'm awfully sensitive b/c I don't understand 'why we can't all just get along'. But I can deal.) But when it's the top dogs out to make life miserable, then what? Gossip? They create it, and I'm in it. I say nothing, but even CNA's approach me. They tell me they're scared for orientation themselves just by watching my experience!

Do I wait to get written up again? To get such a bad rep I lose my license and can never work again?