Made it to the last minute then........

[JesL2bRN2007]

Hi, here's how the classes go that is required in order to graduate.

Nursing 101, 102, 202(dimensions of nursing), 203 and 204. Passed all of them. Then 205 is 5 weeks which is part of the semester after 204 but is a separate class/grade and is the final class(extern). Well initially, I was supposed to graduate in Dec of 06 but failed 205 (which is the externship only, no tests or finals, I'm all done with that). At that point, I was in a financial mess and was very stressed, even depressed as a result...I was late for a round table (not out of spite, because I had to work)AND missed a round table(which is like a class but is part of the objectives in order to pass), and did one of my journal entries wrong. We had weekly journal assignments. So my instructor emailed me saying that I didn't meet the objectives for the course. Okay, I was a little upset, but it was understandable. So I had to wait until this past march to take 205 again, I didn't have to go through the classes and clinicals (204), I was SO happy about that! So I went back and was placed on the trauma burn unit. My preceptor really didn't expect me to do much and she just basically let me follow her around. I had to ask questions etc. My instructor asked me what kinds of things I was doing on the unit and I told her not much, because I thought it was the nurse's responsibility to tell me what to do or what she wants me to do. So my instructor said that she wanted me to be more assertive and ask her if I could do more. So I did, I passed meds, suctioned, but I wasn't doing the full patient assignment since I'm not very skilled in that area.So now came the time for the instructor to do her rounds since it's getting towards the end, like observing the students on how they take care of the patients etc. So she came up to my unit to observe me and this was when I JUST got report(didn't get a chance to REALLY integrate the information, mind you again, I'm not very skilled on this unit since I only was in the ICU for two days during my clinical rotation) and voluntarily chose to help another nurse transfer a patient to get a CT scan. I came back and my instructor said, "Okay, so tell me how you're going to assess this patient." And she also wanted to see me do the whole thing as if I were the nurse. So I did the head to toe assessment and hung my FIRST IV(mind you the nurse didn't ask me to hang any the whole 3 weeks) and I froze because there were so many lines and it took me forever to figure it out, and my assessment was poor. So the instructor took me into another room and said "For the level you are at, your not up to par with what is expected, what is going on?" She also said, "I know you had time off but what's wrong?" And I was crying and said, "I know it, I failed, go ahead and fail me." She said "I'm not going to fail you but if your performance isn't improved by tomorrow I'm going to have to let you go, and you know that if you fail a course twice, that you'll have to go through the whole two years again." So I was HIGHLY upset, I'm very upset right now by the way. But it was my fault because during the time off that I had, I didn't keep up with my skills, I work as a waitress so I did lose some of it, like I forgot some things. I didn't think I'd be this rusty. So I left, went home, and had a nervous breakdown. I went to the emergency room because I was SO scared that she was going to fail me, which means that I would have to repeat the WHOLE nursing program again.... I had an anxiety attack. So I got a medical excuse and was able to take a medical withdrawal, so I will get a W on my transcript. I think my main problem IS performing in front of people because I had some issues in clinical but I never failed any semester... so I'm addressing this problem...I'm going to follow up with a psychiatrist. But that's my story.

So my question is, do you think that it would be helpful, in terms of improving my nursing skills working as a nurses aid? There are no internships in my area...it's all filled. Sorry if my wording sucks(I'm highly medicated, if I wasn't I'd be a basket case) and I'm just so depressed. Yes it is partly my fault for not doing anything the time I had off, but now I'm doing everything I can possible. I mean I'm 4 days AWAY from graduation(well not anymore). I called every hospital and I'm doing inclex questions all day, I'm just so upset. What would you do, thanks.

[jjjoy, LPN]

Man I wish there was a separate class available at the college that would just provide students with the opportunity to perform nursing skills only,that would be awesome.

I know what you mean here. No matter how many times you practice in skills lab, it's not the same as doing it in real life. And if you've done it once to check off on the skills list, it doesn't mean you necessarily feel confident about it. I need lots of repetition. Being a CNA was great to get good at patient transfers, taking vitals quickly and confidently, etc. But nurses are responsible for so much more!! I thought in school, I'd get lots of exposure to basic nursing tasks (starting and hanging IVs, checking labs, charting, etc) so that I'd at least be confident in those things but that wasn't the case.

It seems the reality is that nursing is learning on the job - that is there isn't a whole lot of structure in one's instruction and learning process. Looking back, nursing school sometimes seems like it was of an introduction to nursing than actual training to be a nurse. We got a glimpse of most everything (insert one foley, remove stitches once, witness one childbirth, a few days with oncology patients or orthopedic patients, etc). It teaches the WHAT of nursing and WHY of nursing. If you make it through, THEN you start the process of learning HOW to be a nurse.

Once you become a nurse, it doesn't get any easier. You've got to juggle a lot of responsibilities while trying to make sure that you're also finding opportunities to work on your weak skills. It's "get as get can" when it comes to trying new skills.

If you really want to be a nurse, you'll have to get creative and find ways to get the experience and confidence you want. Check out if there are open skills lab at other colleges where you could practice skills even if you're not a student there (some make these available for a small fee to non-students). Try to get a job as a nurse tech at a hospital that also trains NAs in phlebotomy, ECGs, etc. Take an EMT course, perhaps.

If you don't really want to be a nurse that badly, there's no shame in that, either. It's your life and your time and your choice!

[Lisa CCU RN, RN]

I know what you mean here. No matter how many times you practice in skills lab, it's not the same as doing it in real life. And if you've done it once to check off on the skills list, it doesn't mean you necessarily feel confident about it. I need lots of repetition. Being a CNA was great to get good at patient transfers, taking vitals quickly and confidently, etc. But nurses are responsible for so much more!! I thought in school, I'd get lots of exposure to basic nursing tasks (starting and hanging IVs, checking labs, charting, etc) so that I'd at least be confident in those things but that wasn't the case.

It seems the reality is that nursing is learning on the job - that is there isn't a whole lot of structure in one's instruction and learning process. Looking back, nursing school sometimes seems like it was of an introduction to nursing than actual training to be a nurse. We got a glimpse of most everything (insert one foley, remove stitches once, witness one childbirth, a few days with oncology patients or orthopedic patients, etc). It teaches the WHAT of nursing and WHY of nursing. If you make it through, THEN you start the process of learning HOW to be a nurse.

Once you become a nurse, it doesn't get any easier. You've got to juggle a lot of responsibilities while trying to make sure that you're also finding opportunities to work on your weak skills. It's "get as get can" when it comes to trying new skills.

If you really want to be a nurse, you'll have to get creative and find ways to get the experience and confidence you want. Check out if there are open skills lab at other colleges where you could practice skills even if you're not a student there (some make these available for a small fee to non-students). Try to get a job as a nurse tech at a hospital that also trains NAs in phlebotomy, ECGs, etc. Take an EMT course, perhaps.

If you don't really want to be a nurse that badly, there's no shame in that, either. It's your life and your time and your choice!

Very well stated.

I want so badly to get this externship in a hospital I know will let me practice my actual nursing skills.

I hate externships where all I do is CNA work. I was a CNA for four years; I got that down pat.

I left that work to add to my basic CNA skills and enter the realm of nursing skills.

I believe in the basics, but if I have to do one more bed bath!

I almost wish I went to a diploma program. Don't they teach you more "hands on"?

[Asklepios]

*hugs Jes*

Sorry things turned out the way they did for you. But maybe having to re-assess your situation and maybe having to take a different path to what you want will be good. Maybe you'll find a way to become stronger at the things you struggled with and when you finally become an RN you'll have the skills down pretty well. Maybe not getting done for another year wil put you in a better situation next year. You never know why things happen the way they do, but for every door that closes on us, another opens.

Just keep your chin up, don't beat yourself up too badly, re-focus and re-dedicate yourself to your goal. Visualize yourself passing the course and becoming a nurse, and jump at every opportunity you get to make your goals a reality.

[JesL2bRN2007]

Wow thank you all for the support, it really lifted my spirits!

[JM284]

I think I know exactly how you feel. On my last day of clinical my instructor told me she wasn't sure if I had passed clinical and the decision would be made by a group the day after my final. This came as quite a shock as she had not mentioned this earlier in the semester. Having heard your story and having an advanced degree in another discipline I can only tell you that this is not how all programs and professionals operate. It was my understanding that teachers instruct, and aid in the learning process. thus far this has not been evident in nursing. Don't be too hard on yourself; the nurse assigned to you has an obligation as a nurse not to let someone unprepared continue and she should have mentioned to your instructor that she was not comfortable having you perform tasks/assessments or that you were not being assertive enough. You are not a mind reader!. Perhaps your instructor could've been a bit more diligent about doing her job and discovering how you learn best; it's what teachers are supposed to do!

[Butterflybee]

Good luck, blessings and prayers...the CNA thingy sounds like a wonderful idea : )

[JesL2bRN2007]

Thank you, you all are so helpful, I could cry!

[kukukajoo, LPN]

Jes- I know because I have been there. I actually read a book that helped a lot. I wish I could remember the title- I will look and see if I can find it but I don't know if it made it thru the flood.

Anyhow, the book was written by a woman who does empowerment and motivational speeches now. She wrote about how she used to think she was not good enough and subconsciously it affected her in so many ways- relationships, jobs, education. In school- she would do well then "forget" to turn in the term paper or sleep thru the alarms on finals and fail out even though she had the capability to be a great student. She finally realized she was self-sabotaging and saw a therapist and she has finally overcome her self defeating ways to become a national speaker and inspiration to so many women including myself!! I believe she finally graduated with high honors too! You would be surprised what we do to ourselves without fully realizing the deep down roots of the whys and hows!

I will try to find it or try to research the title for you. I know it helped me!

[CrazyPremed, MSN, RN, NP]

I'm currently in an ADN program (semester one down, three to go), and became close friends with a student who went through the same process as you.

Honestly, I don't think that nursing school really prepares people for the job. This is probably why it takes a year as a nurse to really feel comfortable. Also, I've seen many situations in which a person can sail through an entire semester with great grades and skills, then - all of a sudden during the last couple of weeks - the clinical instructor 'decides' that the person is not capable of moving on. I feel that the educational process in nursing is non-objective, inconsistent, and sub-par because of the nursing instructor shortage. I don't know you, but I would question the theory that you may not be an acceptable nurse. Do what you need to do to get through the program, and find a great orientation program on a great teaching floor.

As far as working as a CNA, I think that 3 months will give you great experience. You'll become comfortable in the environment, and learn many of the basics. It may not teach you to look at the big picture, but it may give you the confidence that you need. Also, do what is necessary to get through your program. If you have to fight to do your externship on a non-critical floor, then do so. If you have to threaten lawsuits, then do so. Once you get out of this program and pass your boards you'll never have to deal with them again. Good luck in your journey.

CrazyPremed