A pushy God and mother.

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    The fragments of what make up a life happen year to year. I wrote this short story about the journey God took me down to find nursing and the trials I experienced along the way. Despite the challenges, I also had so much encouragement on my path and couldn't be finishing my education if it wasn't for my wonderful fiancé and all of his support. I left a lucrative night club management position and now I am an LPN and in school for my BSN. Despite the nine year uphill climb and constant obstacles, I know nursing is for me and I love caring for others. I look forward to graduating in three semesters I hope my mother will get to see me accept my diploma.

    As the music played loudly and the whiskey flowed, I heard it, "nursing." I went about my night running the busy club. At the end, tips in hand and another large paycheck for my management salary, I walked to my car with the sun rising. I thought to myself "why would I ever quit such a lucrative career?"

    As I drove home I saw the fresh faces in their scrubs going into the hospital, coffee in hand. I went to bed, woke up at noon, rinsed, and repeated.

    A week later, I watched the girl stumble out of the bar with the guy she just met. I closed my eyes for a second and prayed that she didn't regret how much she had to drink. I prayed that God keep her safe and I heard it again, "nursing."

    As we sat after hours drinking our favorite sleep aid with coke, I confessed to my boyfriend that I wanted to go to nursing school. "I am tired of praying that people get home safe and I am ready to help someone. I think God wants more from me." He laughed out loud, teased me in front of the others, and they proceeded to explain to me that I am "not the nursing type."

    One year and one unhappy ex-boyfriend later, LPN school and paying the bills were my biggest challenges. One more year, and I found myself roaming the hallways of an LTAC looking for a way to do this "helping" I had so longed for. To no avail, for all I found was inadequacy. There was no storybook here, just a long shift without enough staff and I was finally faced with the realities of the nurse to patient ratio in facilities whose dollar is more important than helping.

    As I sat next to Mr. Doe who had no family and charted to the rhythmic sound of his ventilator, I looked up to God and said "Is this it? Is this why you pushed me out of my lucrative job into a wasteland of student loans and the scant paycheck of an LPN? Why did I feel so compelled to do this?"

    One year of ventilators and taking pre-requisites for a BSN program and I convinced myself I just misunderstood God. I was meant to be a registered nurse all along...I don't know why I rushed into the LPN program.

    One year later I answer my phone . . . lung cancer with mets to the brain . . . 10 months to live. I am a nurse! I can help her!

    I drove home immediately and planned on dropping out of school to care for her. She talked me into staying on track and said "God has a plan for you love." As I talked my mother out of going on the ventilator and asked her to hug God for me I knew, I didn't misunderstand Him. I was meant for nursing all along. He just needed me to hurry.
    Last edit by tnbutterfly on Sep 3, '13
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  2. Visit ninnieof02 profile page

    About ninnieof02

    I am a 34 year old woman and reaching the end of my up-hill climb. I am in my third semester of BSN school and surviving. I finally feel I found my way and thank God for the knowledge nursing gave me to care for my mother in her final months.

    Joined: Sep '13; Posts: 3; Likes: 20
    LPN/student BSN; from US
    Specialty: 4 year(s) of experience in LTAC

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  3. by   Esme12
    Powerful testimony......thank you for sharing!
  4. by   The_Optimist
    Tres Magnifique! Love this! Sad about your mum.
  5. by   HappyWife77
    Tears are flowing....God always knows best. May God bless always sis.
  6. by   MomaNurse
    Beautifully said!
  7. by   adventure780
    good luck, well written and hope your Mom gets to see you graduate!
  8. by   NRSKarenRN
    I've often said God sent me my most difficult patient, an end stage COPD'er so I would have the wisdom to effectively care for #2 toughee, my Mom. We learn MORE from the lived experiences of our patients, than book learning at times.. May the lessons learned caring for your Mother help enrich your RN career.
  9. by   ccox2998
    I felt that I needed to leave a comment. This story is so similar to my own in so many ways. Being a nurse is not about the money...if it is I have not seen any of it. Your experience touched my heart and I am glad that you shared it. I do believe that some of us are pushed into the vocation of nursing by God, and may not understand why in the beginning. My story being similar to yours, I wanted to let you know that I am now in my first semester of MSN program. I wish you all the luck in the world. You are a strong individual who has obviously realized nursing care as a vocation in your life. God Bless.