Lost and Anxious

You seem to be stuck in a moment you can't get out of.  That moment of being blind sided.  It does indeed hurt to be struck down when you think you are in a good place.

Look at this way.  You were "blindsided and humiliated" once already, but what did you learn?  You learned that you could get another job and move on.  You showed strength to dust yourself off and make a change.  Why waste energy on something that hasn't happened and may not happen, but even if it does you already know you can get through it.

Nursing is always a learning process and you will never know everything.  I've been at the bedside 30 years and I still get overwhelmed, still make mistakes, and still need help.  In no way no how does this meant I'm a bad nurse.  I was struggling my last shift and my manager stepped in to help.  I just had too much going on.  Doesn't mean that I'm a burden.  I'm human and can only be in one place doing one thing at a time.

My final thought is you're letting coworkers rent space in your head and you are inventing what you think they think about you.  Most of them are probably in the same boat you are, working hard and making it through the best they can and are not giving you a second thought.  Even if they are, so what.   Does their negative opinion of you matter that much?  Not everyone is going to like us.  

What I'm seeing in your post few times is the "I feel like" then it's followed by a negativity about yourself and your skills and what you know and what you think others say. Anyways, it's great to know that you have tried therapy but I think you need it again. Also I'm starting to think that you had a bad experience from the past, reason why you kept overanalyzing and thinking things around you. I really hope that you get back on your feet and do what you do best. 

I often have these same feelings. So sorry.

I've heard this a lot from new grads, in fact I work with one who is one of the best nurses that I've ever worked with. She recently left a job where the charge nurse said she was "too slow" when she asked her to review hanging blood during orientation. She was written up and let go.  That's ridiculous, you are supposed to be slower and ask questions, otherwise you would not be on orientation/ on preceptorship.  Some preceptors/nurses are "special" and it makes them feel even more "special" to do this.  This happened during my preceptorship 45 years ago. The person precepting me told me that "you will have a hard time" She was going to go  back to school to be one of the first NPs.  I did NOT have a hard time.  These are just one person's opinion. They are not the word of God.  Find another one and hold your head up. Nurses can be mean.  Someone said here that some nurses are kind and caring, others are just the ones who were mean girls in high school and never changed.  I think it's ridiculous to criticize and then say, "well, I'm nit picking," If you are nit picking, then you are nit picking. If your instructors felt that you were doing just fine, likely you are.