Kayleigh272

Hello, my start to nursing was anything but conventional. Unfortunately I graduated during the pandemic and did not receive a roll transition. Many hospitals around me then went on hiring freezes. My particular residency program delayed start dates by 6 months after graduation. I started my residency program made it all the way through orientation and was blindsided the last week when it was extended and I was told if I didn’t improve/ change my preceptors mind I would be let go. We had orientation check-ins but I never received bad feedback and when my preceptor did give back feedback like it took too long for me to change a picc dressing/ build a line etc she would say “but that’s being nit picky” ultimately I decided I no longer wanted to continue with this hospital and for my mental health needed to leave. I began applying other places and got an offer. I’m still living in the same city and I’ve really struggled with worrying about what all these people are thinking of me/ whether people at my new job know the circumstances. I’ve been there for over 1.5 years now and have learned so much, but I still feel like a nervous wreck some days. I’m terrified of making mistakes. I always make sure to ask questions and do my due diligence but I’ve found that if I do something incorrectly/ if something like an admit doesn’t go smoothly (I don’t get the access I need and someone else has to etc, I forget to chart something etc) I’m anxious for the next week about going back to work. Even if people volunteer to help me at work I automatically assume it’s because I appear to be drowning and it’s my fault/ I shouldn’t need the help. I feel like nursing as a whole has severely impacted my mental health and I don’t know where to go from here. I like my job but I consistently feel like I’m unintelligent and don’t deserve to be where I am/ that I’m a burden and my coworkers hate me. I’ve tried therapy I’ve tried nearly everything but I just keep carrying the sheer anxiety of being blindsided once and humiliated once again. I feel beaten down and hopeless where do I go from here?