I am hoping to find some good advice and maybe some insight. I graduated in May 2008, passed boards in June 08 and then took the summer off to spend with my kids and take care of my mother after her foot surgery. I finally took a position in one of the 2 hospitals withing 60 miles of my home. It was agreed that I would not have to take charge until I had been there atleast 6 months and I was told I would not have to work every other Sat and Sun as we would be changing to 1 wkend/month.
My first day of orientation on the floor my preceptor got sick and began vomiting in the cafateria where she remained (not the bathroom) until we went to the floor again. She eventually went home and I finished the day with someone else. That should have been my first clue. The next few weeks were all about the same awful. First of all we only had one CNA and she was only there for about 4 hours in the morning. If you were lucky she may take 1 or 2 pts and do baths, beds etc. Once she left it was all on the nurses which was never more than 3/shift. Most of the time each nurse had atleast 5-6 pts and it could go to 7 or 8 depending on adm. Additional help never. There was a unit sec to take orders and put them in the computer such as for labs, menu, x-ray etc but she too was only there for part of the time (never on Sun nights) and she usually left around 4pm. This meant the nurse was also responsible for order entry and putting new charts together for admitts if she was not there. The RN (only one per shift) was also responsible for reviewing and sighning off all new orders on charts, reviewing admit papers for all pts, of course RN was automatically charge for the shift, administering all IV push pain meds and starting all PCA pumps and changing med in pumps. All of this while still having her own pt load. They made pt assignments based on location so regardless of what was in the rooms you were assigned a group of rooms such as 110-115 because they felt it was easier to not have to run across the hall or whatever.
My preceptor was very nice however she spent most of the time just laughing and using good ol southern charm instead of really getting things done. Don't get me wrong she did take care of her pts we just had a different view of what that meant. If I am going to take a brief half way off to take a photo of a decub and I discover my pt is wet and needs changing then I am going to go ahead and do it but her favorite saying was "don't you worry honey we will get it all done, but that's just going to have to wait till later".
When I had been there 6 wks (still on orientation) the RN on shift (I didn't count yet since still orienting) decided I would be charge. At 8wks when she tried it again I refused. When I said no she asked why and I explained the agreement of 6 months due to being a new grad, she responded with "WHAT... must be nice, when I graduated I had to take charge my second wk". From that point on she was not very helpful.
Once I was off of orientation (the end of 8wks), NO one had time to help. Sink or Swim was the name of the game and I was definently sinking or so I felt. I was always scared. I never had time for a meal again because I always wanted to make sure all of my pts were clean, dry, fed and meds were given before I would go eat and by the time I would get to that point I would be told I had and adm coming or I had missed my time to go (everyone chose when they wanted to go to lunch first thing in the morning and if yours passed and you didn't oh well). I wasn't sure of meds so I would have to look them up, and I wasnt sure of some administrations (dilute or not etc), I was scared to death of the thought of a code. I always second guess myself so jump and run and be positive you know what you are doing is NOT me.
I finally just gave up, I couldn't take the stress anymore. I felt ill knowing I had to go to work, I cried almost everyday and I hated feeling so incompetent I mean all the other nurses there were doing fine and they all took lunch etc. Even the other new RN did great she was always calm, seemed to know her stuff and took charge after working 3 wks no problem.
Anyway I quit back in Dec and have been out of work since. I hated having to work every other wkend. My days off were usually in the middle of the wk when my husband was working and kids (now 14 and 10) were at school. I just don't know what to do. I loved making people feel better, showing them I cared. At the end of my shifts many of my pts asked if I would be there the next day and expressed what a good nurse they thought I was because I was so caring and took the time with them. I guess if caring and patience was enough I would be great but its not. I am not very good at starting IV's and no one wants a nurse who needs someone else to start her IV's half the time and there is so much I either didn't learn or have forgotten.
Now I am just lost. I feel like a complete idiot. I always felt stupid for asking questions especially more than once like how to set up an IV for an infant. I feel like I didn't actually learn anything in school. I graduated with honors, passed board on my first try with 75 questions and feel like a failure as a nurse. Now what? There is the hospital 10 min from my home but I don't know if they will even consider me since I quit my 1st job after only 2 and 1/2 months and without giving notice (I was not scheduled for 2 more days and I did offer to come back and work that Sat to finish that pay period but was told not to worry about it they were covered). Even if I did get the job I don't know if I can do it after all I couldn't the first time and now its been just over a year since I graduated and 7 months since I have worked at all. NOW WHAT???????????:cry: Sorry Sooooo Long!
:cry: Sorry Sooooo Long!