Life, Death, and Other Matters of Consequence: Part I

As healthcare professionals, we know that there really are fates worse than death.......namely, going on and on like this.

With the advent of chill winds and falling leaves, it almost seems as if the world is in a hurry to finish its business before winter comes: animals grow thicker coats and store up food for the long, cold months; flowers fade and vines wither; humans stock their pantries in anticipation of the upcoming holidays. And all too often, the change of seasons heralds not only the end of the year, but the lives of the sick and old.

Letha* was a ninety-year-old, ninety-pound train wreck of a woman who arrived on my long-term care unit the day we turned the clocks forward last spring. She had previously been healthy and independent, but a series of strokes followed by medication-induced diabetes had robbed her of most of her sight, as well as her ability to walk, toilet herself, and perform most of her own ADLs. She was alert and cooperative, and she never complained, but with fingersticks and insulin coverage, plus two large decubiti, plus frequent urination, she required a lot of care.........just what we needed on a unit that was already overpopulated with IDDMs and wounds and LOLs with half-ounce sized bladders.

And then, there was Letha's family.

Letha had three daughters and a son, and the most polite way I could describe the daughters was 'intense'. These women were at the facility a minimum of 16 hours a day, endlessly fussing over Letha and demanding that we wait on her hand and foot whenever they were out of the building. Letha had a twenty-minute ritual for mouth care in the morning, and an equally involved routine at night. Letha needed to have her feet elevated just so whenever she was in bed. Letha may not drink any juice other than cranberry. Letha was not to wait more than two minutes for assistance after pushing the call light. Letha must get up for all meals, but be in bed for the night no later than 1930. Letha's 'needs' were so numerous, in fact, that they didn't fit on our one-page care plan form, so a PeeChee folder with the play-by-play was placed on her closet shelf for staff reference.

Well, as is usually the case with these situations, Letha herself was not the problem. Her sweet nature and cheerful outlook made her an instant favorite with other residents and staff alike, and despite some dementia, she had such a quick wit about her that we were always taken by surprise. One afternoon as I was checking her blood sugar, I was bemoaning the sad state of her fingers, all of which were so bruised and mangled from QID fingersticks that I almost couldn't bring myself to do the deed; instead of complaining, she quipped, "It'll hurt you worse than it does me, 'cause I'm gonna take a bite out of your arm before you do it."

Weeks, then months slipped by as Letha began to grow stronger with the help of our physical therapy team and the ubiquitous presence of her daughters, who continued to encourage/force their mother to do things she didn't want to do in order to achieve their goals for her (which, as many of us privately believed, included staying alive forever). For a while, it looked as if she might just walk again.....until she caught a bad cold that promptly turned into pneumonia. We administered antibiotics and breathing treatments every four hours round the clock until she was out of danger. She contracted C. difficile after this episode and landed in the hospital, then returned with several new medications added to the orificenal of drugs we had to crush and administer, one at a time, due to her dysphagia. She followed up with yet another mild CVA a couple of months later..........and in the meantime, more and more tasks were being added to her care plan by her ever-vigilant daughters, who spent much of their time complaining to management about what they called "the lousy care that's killing our mother".

Naturally, we nurses and aides resented the implication that our unwillingness to ignore our other 28 residents so we could tend to Letha every waking moment was "killing" her. As much as we loved her, there simply weren't enough hours in the shift to fulfill all her daughters' demands, and frankly, she was NINETY......and in bad shape to boot. What did they expect from us, anyhow? Miracles?

On a personal level, however, this went far deeper than simple annoyance with a fussy family. I have long been angered by our society's refusal to acknowledge death as a fact of life. I see it every day in the faces of elders whose bodies are still here, but whose minds and memories have long since deserted them........the pain-filled eyes of patients in the late stages of cancer...........the epic waste of limited resources on treatments that merely prolong the inevitable. And in many cases, they endure it all only because their families can't (or won't) let them go.

It was obvious that this series of downturns was a signal that Letha was getting tired, and we often talked among ourselves about how we wished her daughters would stop pushing, pushing, pushing and let Nature take its course.

~Continued~

*All names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

Specializes in med/surg; LTC.....LPN, RN, DON; TCU.

I wish that in some way that would be PC so not to "offend" anyone this message would be posted in each LTC brouchure!! NOTHING and I mean NOTHING tears out your heart more that having someone say " I wish they would let me go ". I have seen this countless times over the years and because of this I don't believe as a society America is ready for health care reform. We don't want to make hard decisions. I have taken care of 2 cases of vegative state pts as a result of car accidents. No real responses to any environmental factors. Bodies falling apart and systems failing and listed as full codes by the family. One like this for 12 years and the other for 2 years. And we the tax payers are paying for it. Viva you hit the nail on the head!:up::up:

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

But then, there are those like the tube-feeder on my unit who cannot walk, talk, or ask for anything due to a TBI she sustained in a car crash at age 19, yet has the sweetest smile this side of Heaven and a sense of humor that belies her "vegetative" diagnosis. She's anything but........she looks toward the door and smiles when she hears me in the hall outside her room, she hoots wild laughter whenever someone hiccups or passes gas, she listens intently to conversation and makes appropriate facial gestures.

She is perhaps one of the happiest people I've ever known despite the fact that she is going on two decades in a nursing home, being turned and changed every 2 hours day and night, never getting to taste ice cream or drink an ice-cold glass of water on a hot day. She cannot do a single purposeful task, she cannot even reach out and bump the call light when she needs something. But even when she aspirates and develops yet another of her frequent bouts with pneumonia, she remains cheerful, and she can ALWAYS be counted on to make us laugh.

Does she have quality of life? From the outside, it would appear the answer is an easy "no"; indeed, were I in her position, I'd have wanted my first encounter with pneumonia to be my last. But no matter how helpless she is, or how hopeless her situation, she has somehow managed to find a way to be happy. And if that's not quality of life.......what is??

Specializes in med/surg; LTC.....LPN, RN, DON; TCU.

That is what I was getting at. The PATIENT's quality of life. Pupils fixed & mid-position, no gag reflex, g-tube feeding, unstagable "bed sores", etc. Yet full code per family request. I can respect feelings and wishes but the money spent on this resident by medicaid for the past decade could have treated several children with CA or other medical problems that would have had "normal" lives. Again I stress the need for public education on the realities of life and death. Americans are used to getting unlimited care as long as there is money with little thought to the future or what it brings. :twocents:

Specializes in geriatrics, telemetry, ICU, admin.

If I may join the choir in saying to please have all family members as well as all nurses fill out your Advance Directives...Be sure your family, friends and co-workers know your preferences in case of life threatening illness or injury (co-workers because many of us end up in our own hospitals). I know I certainly don't want to end up on life support for months or years. I read on a DNR web site recently that said the only way to be sure of getting what you want in case of an emergency on scene was to have DNR tattooed on your chest! I thought that was interesting that the web site even said that!LOL! We can never be too sure or too careful. PUT IT IN WRITING.

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, home-care.

Wow, I am sitting here with tears... I could not work with the elderly at an early age, but going on 60, I can only say "thanks" for all the care that you, Viva, give to your people. I only can hope and pray I that if the need is there for me to be in someones' care, it will be someone like yourself.... :redbeathe:loveya::flowersfo

We(7 of us..1 brother!!!) just buried our 91 year old mother.I could relate to both sides of this situation...dementia...pneumonia and other various medical issues finally forced us to give in to the inevitable...As the only sister with a medical background I was the decision maker...2 sisters refused to let Mom "go" so we tried all in our power to keep her alive...for our sake not hers!!! She detested fall season as this was the precurser to winter and that was even worse...She often commented that most of her relatives died in the fall. She has joined them.

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

I'm so sorry about your mother, carlpeg. No matter how poor the quality of life or how diminished a parent becomes in his/her later years, it's still hard to say good-bye. My thoughts and prayers are with you.:icon_hug:

Specializes in obstetrics.

Bravo! You're the kind of nurse we all need~one who acts on behalf of what each patient desires. :yeah:

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, home-care.

So sorry for your loss CarlPeg... My thoughts and prayers for peace are with you.

Specializes in geriatrics, medsurg, group homes.

Thank you for the touching story. I work the oncology floor and I see this so many times over. The patient is ready to let go, but the family for whatever the reason be will not let go. They push the patient to eat, take therapy, take chemo, or whatever else they think the pt needs to do to get better. When in all reality all the patient wants and needs is their family and loved ones to say we will be ok, and give their permission to let go and be with God or their loved ones who have passed before them.

It breaks my heart to hear my patient say "I am so tired, I am ready to let go but I am afraid that their loved one wouldn't be able to go on without me."

God Bless you for your touching story.

Specializes in LTC.

Yes and yes, this is such a vital thread. I don't advocate for a easy access euthenasia law, but english speaking countries need to embrace some form of this. In twenty years time we will look back an wonder at the CREULTY tolerated in the name of life. As we now look back at some ridiculous maternity ward practices and so forth.

As a nurse in LTC I know my residents condition in such detail, over time you see the degression, but also recoveries etc. You really get a feel for death and have instinctive reactions to when enough is enough. I feel this in Viva's original posts, this intuition, that may also be expressed by the resident. However, there are so many minefields/impediments. You have really got people talking, but are you ready for some of the conclusions a truthful person must take from our experience.

"Each man (person) kills the thing he (she) loves..."

Oscar Wilde