it all just stinks

For starters, stop beating up on yourself. It’s not your fault that these people are a bunch of tools that care about nothing except how much money they can squeeze out of a group of people that run the spectrum from making a mistake to having an illness to having been plain stupid or any mix Of the above. These programs (and I think the BONs that turf nurses with these issues to said programs are complicit) hold our licenses and livelihoods hostage for the crimes of being human. In no other profession (that I am aware of, anyway) are people punished like nurses are.
I stayed in nursing because I like what I do and I decided there was no way in hell I was gonna let a bunch of crooks drive me away from that. I think I would have regretted that for the rest of my life. I spent a whole lot of time being angry. I had idiots associated with this mess give me platitudes like ‘being angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die” or something stupid like that. Probably the useless platitudes and slogans were just one of the things out of this crap that made me want to projectile vomit.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is that your anger and sadness is perfectly justified and understandable. I’m done and have been for some time but I will never not be angry and sad over the time and opportunities that were stolen from me. I have had to learn to modulate that anger with the understanding that those fools do not represent all of nursing. Hard to see when in the midst of the cesspool of monitoring when one feels like they wear a scarlet letter, but they don’t.
It gets better, I promise. Don’t let them win. You are better than that. It’s almost over.

I also am in the monitoring program at this time. I have been in nursing 20 yrs. I am not an addict and never have been. However, I do sometimes like to have some drinks and on occasion use thc. I have never been impaired at work or had any complaints about my job performance. After a weekend off, a narcotic came up missing on another hall I. The building I worked at and we all had to do a drug test. I failed for thc. This was the first test in my 20 yrs of working that had ever been failed. I have never had a complaint with the board to worry about except this one. I know everyone should read the information and know what to do when this happens but I did not. I thought the fact that I have been an exceptional nurse for 20 years would count for something. Just for anyone out there, it does not. U either hire a lawyer and fight or sign an agreement with board. I am also unemployed due to the facility I was working at selling to another company where the corporation does not like to have employees with encumbered license. The corporation never met me or had complaints about my performance. Nurses who sign this agreement with BOM from my experience are looked down on. On top of not being able to find another job now, I am very discouraged all day every day. The apprehension of checking in is terrible due to the fact we r barely paying bills and keeping food on the table as it is. This program is very costly for nurses that are working but when unemployed..., I have asked if there was some kind of assistance. I have asked to only take a test at hospital and send in the results so I do not have to pay affinity and then pay for the test. I don’t know what else to do. I even offered to FaceTime a drug test. I have had to not go to a few of them due to not having money. I could have and still can pass a test. Even if a nurse is an addict and needs the program, I feel that it is near impossible for most paycheck to paycheck nurses to finish this. Are there other nurses out there with this problem. I’m starting to run out of options. The only recommendation from the board is to talk to some about surrendering my license. I asked how I was supposed to get a job then? Am I just supposed to started a new career at 45 now? I’m not saying I don’t deserve a punishment at all, but I’m really feeling like this is a bit extreme for all the effort I have put into being the nurse I am today. I’m not perfect by no means and I do like to get a little crazy every now and then. Does this mean I can’t b a nurse. I feel it is no wonder there is a nursing shortage right now. I am just sick of all of it and ready to work at Walmart or something. I would highly recommend that no one ever talk to the board, or ever admit to anything to them. They will definitely suck u dry and your family will then suffer with you. I don’t mind being punished but when my kids are doing without something they need because of me I hardly feel that is fair. I have wondered often if the rest of the government had any idea what some of have been going through

I’m pretty sure if I was going to have any kind of drug issues it would happen right now. I’m just not cursed with that disease. For those who are, is the BOM driving many back to addiction or helping. The stress is killing me here and I had no idea that this has been happening for years to many of our fellow nurses. It really makes me soooo angry and some days I just want to gather a group of nurses and go to board and rant there about what the are doing to the nursing profession!

I know who you are... (but you’re secret is safe). I was wondering how you were being so calm about the whole thing and understanding. Complete *** is what it is. Don’t let them win. Arizona needs nurses like you who care. I’m pretty much a hypocrite though. I was terminated from my job yesterday. She did not fill out the required paperwork at the board requires. I’ll she said was we feel like you aren’t a good fit. I took care of around 100 COVID-19 patients at this facility. I showed up and did my job and was damn good at it. It sucks when you catch a nurse making a huge mistake and then they get mad at you and turn you into the board. So now I am unemployed, and have to submit a hair follicle sample (this is my second) And I have increased my urines and made them monitored. Did I mention this is all based on an anonymous complaint that I have not investigated? I don’t know how you guys get through this and I think I can.